3/9/2005 - Stuttering Stanley

I may be the most cynical asshole in the universe, but I have a very low patience level when it comes to talking to small children. I think I have some kind of strange disorder where I need people to just.. SPIT IT OUT!! when they are talking. Anyone who has talked with a small child knows how a lot of them have a stutter. It's not even really a stutter as much as a broken record type issue. You know what I mean- like when they tell you a long story about... I don't know-what their puppy did or something. Here's an example of what I'm trying to say. Imagine this:

5-year-old: I got a um a new puppy and you want to know what?

You: What?

5-year-old: He um... he when we got him he um he jumped up when we got him (you are getting impatient) he jumped up on the couch and my mom um (the child is beginning to spray it rather than say it) when he jumped up on the couch  my mom (at this point your eye is twitching) um she um my mom um (at this point you are holding back the urge to deck the child) smacked him and he said 'awf awf' and it um it (SPIT IT OUT KID!!) it was funny when he did that.

You: Oh... yeah.. ha ha. Funny.. (meanwhile you are thinking: Sure... Bloody F$%# funny .... yeah shut up)

Yes I may be the worst person in the world when it comes to my lack of patience. But I can't STAND it when children can't just SPIT IT OUT! I almost want to say it FOR them. Tell me if anyone knows how I feel!!!