10/2/2006 - reality

it was really a borrowed time this JAE...i really was living in a temporary phrase...all my classmates and schoolmates mostly moved on to better things,and a big congratulations to them...feeling very frustrated that i could have so easily carved my way towards that stance..i didnt,it was a severe mind deficiency last year...i knew it was going to be a mental breakdown..and now im torn more than ever..i knew this was coming...but the consequences still ht me hard..i really dunno what the fuck i did last year and it has a dire consequence on this year...its a terrible vicious cycle...ive been through this after PSLE and ive failed again..once again i apolosize to my family and teachers for my poor showing...and to my friends for being such a bad influence..its no point talking about it now,even though the grades are really bad...i mean since when do i get B4 for english? its crazy...im devastated...there goes my TJC and SAJC dream...and now im stuck for life..no KI...no return to defend myself against the arrogance of Don-Degan..hate him now man...i shall never forget all my friends...especially those who were in my og and cg.It shall stay with me forever...but now im really stuck in a deep hole...its time to cut the flaws out...it wont be pretty but i know i have to do it..i dont want to experience what i felt today..i took a bus back to my house bus-stop and then took a bus there and another bus there randomly and walking everywhere..i ended up walking very far home..such an idiot...but i was in a daze...its depression is unsurmountable,been fighting it since that Don-Degan horror at sec 3 bio CA2..i really dont know what to say...am i such a useless person,to fall at the final hurdle? depressed,single and lonely...its the wintry winds against my bare flesh...going to be frozen back to reality..after all i was living in borrowed time...