11/2/2006 - frustrations to pain...pain to scars..

here is my pathetic results:

English-Four

Com.Humans-Two

E Maths-Three

A Maths-Two

Physics-Three

Chemistry-Three

Biology-Five

Chinese-Six

L1R5-17

the more i think about it,the spring of frustratons continue...i realize that was a chance gone...a chance gone forever..i really dont know what is wrong with me..i knew somewhat my result will be sub-par because i simply had mind problems last year..was not able to concentrate..now to think about that makes me very very sad indeed..I lost my outlet for salvation,a rejuvenation of the wounded soul..its really doing injustice to what i can do...but what can i say..all i can muster is a massive wave of depression..took three wrong buses today,landed in only god knows where..and i walked the long walk home...pondering and walking to and forth in a unintentional pace.I was upset,scared and lonely...Upset at my incompetence for self-discipline...Scared of where i go from there and Lonely at my sole share of the pain.It was not just painfully bad,it was awfully humiliating...i was actually dreaming of getting 8 but i knew it would be very much worse...the worse is i could have done so much better!! sigh feel so much depressed..now i dunno what to do man..even if i go back to TPJC i will be lost in the wilderness..im caught in a vicious cycle!! SOS this is a nightmare right? oh man i am so stupid to take 'O's so lightly..i used to be on par with a guy who got 7 points!! oh man i feel so bad...i let everyone down...its a terrible result...absolutely no one expected this of me..as the music pipes from Fa Ru Xue in my room,i descend into a sense of regret for what could have been..and the inner feelings hurt more than the results...will never forget what the song reminds me of...its real sad man...im a sad life...why am i so incompetent at national exams? i repeat SOS i dont want to screw my life up...but looks like i have...oh man the song makes me feel even more painful...WH gives me the butterflies man...I really hate the way my life is panning to...i wonder whether anyone is tired of my constant depression..i am so stupid and gullable..people are just being diplomatic...PAE is to be remembered as the golden times...now is cold hard reality...sigh..will miss those days...i really feel like dying oh man..*sob*