14/2/2006 - the end of PAE draws near

ok....as if PAE wasnt slack enough already to be called going to school.....at least the class was together man....now,its left with me and a few other guys and a couple of girls for most of the day..truly,slowly by slowly the class is ebbing away,never to flow back to the same way again....im feeling so sad deep inside....and heartbroken as well....will she ever know? :( had a chance this valentine's day....no surprise it failed....hope there is still any slim chance left at all...before she runs away sigh...resulted in the sianness today.and sheer craziness...im barely keeping sane now man,,,,ah this feeling is not new at all....been in me for a long long time....i wish it went away...ah still thinking whether i should take literature or physics....i really dunno man haha...dunno whether im cut out for physics lol..and that econs teacher is freaking me out hahaz....one side and the other lol...i feel very much an inferior person now,my results really doing most of me a great deal of hurt...but im saturated with feelings of all sorts at the moment....oh dear if i asked her today things would be so different!! after all,today is valentine's day what better day is there? man...its hard but well....feeling every fibre of happiness or solace leaving my very skin....the class is gone now,i so miss them man....her especially...dunno why im such anaylitical on everything....things would be so much easier and naive if i just be carefree and liberal....and it might actually do me good lol...now as it stands...TPJC is but a dead colossus to me....gone the days of the orientation and the CG class...gone the guitar practices and the outings with associates and friends...the time is flowing away...a new chapter begins....but im not ready to leave yet,i have unfinished business to do...and memories to cherish and keep forever...for after all,as the sun sets on the end of our lives,this is one phrase i will always remember....and her memory with me forever..for now though,without her,everyday is a trudgery,a daily mockery,a daily torture...i still have fantastic friends in the school and i thank them for that...or else i ight be insane by now...so far school has been very slow,and i know im not even in 1st gear...still slacking la....havent worked hard since sec 2....this shit better stop man...i duuno what else to say....im one of the worst in my school,i falter when it matters,and spurn golden chances out of the window like a free oppurtunity...its not helping at all....its hurting...yes the hurt of results heals over time,but the wounds will always remain..in the meantime,the pending goal is to keep sane,oh i hope she knows....and i hope she feels the same way lol...saturated with love,disappointment,lethargy,boredom,sentiment and kinship..it all makes a special broth...a special broth carried with me from Tampines to Jurong...from Sengkang to Clementi...for now,i try to put my mind to rest,and my heart to ease....for as with me and english teams,there is that false optimism before the pending disaster..i shant let history repat itself again,i just cant afford to....its repeated so many times already...i hope the experience counts coz i need all the help i can get...someday somehow she gotta know how i feel about her...maybe then,can my angst ridden mind be ridden into the sunset of life,beridden of sodden vices and complete misery...for now though,life goes on...the feelings go on,my boredom goes on...for i can quote many to describe me at the moment:

unwilling the mortal flesh,depleting the charm of the soul...

the mind drifts in diversity,numbing the feelings and mixing it on laden broth,losing all strength in rationale and the power of initiative...

the mind is willing but the flesh is weak,as time pass thy comes more bleak...

the pandelic rush for sucession,has caused my charisma severe regression...

every fibre of my skin saturates with love,the feeling spreading like bushfires on a dry summer...

a caustic change in the spanner works,the motive blunts and disaster submerge..

the thirst for kinship has left me vulnerable,the switch to conservative will cause the great stumble...

and finally,

valentine's has no meaning to some,for me im just waiting for it to have one=)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

dedication to all my frens,family and kin,and a special dedication for her hehe:

for those who delve into the givings of this day,

may bliss and love follow you in every way,

for the time is ripe to show your love,

for the someone you care to the stars above,

the roses the chocolates the movies the treats,

will ever more enlighten your increasing heartbeats,

for love to be celebrated from this day on,

shall be blessed with competency and euphoria upon,

for all deserve to salivate this special day,

for the years to come in every possible way!!

may the singles find the love,

may the lust-encrusted suffice the want,

may those who want get the chance to ask,

may those ask be accepted not gone bust,

may the courage bestow the companions together,

may the day continue for ever and ever,

may everyday be happy on this day,

may everybody love valentine's day,

and the legacy continue through every normal day =)

From the most crazy single-dun-WAN-to-be,

and one almost driven to lunacy,

one still struggling above the abyss of darkness,

Brandy=)