3/3/2006 - deep shit

oh my god...help me...i dunno what to do now...in no mood for nothing...woke up this morning late la...Joy called me in fact...asked me and helped me check the posting...I got into srjc la...i dont know what to say..all i know is im suddenly in deep shit...4 years of work is gone..what the hell..im stuck now..i dunno what to say....depression is an understatement la..i just want to say thanks to OG19 and S06...i cant go any lower la...i reached the lowest lowest already la....and i thought i can sink no lower...and i think i could looking at things...sigh...

yet again a year of slackness has really cost me again...this time its so much worse la...hell man...its not only humiliating but its self-destroying...there is nothing to recover from,my old self is gone forever...i will never be that guy again...so fun so jovial so on top of the world like in 3E1...i let myself slip like that la...this time round there is no point..i can never recover from this...its just utter disgraceful...i live on i could have i copuld have i could have...true i could have...but i didnt fucking do it did I? damn....so shitty....

dunno what to do today...gonna go and appeal i think..looks like my dilemma turned into my desperation..i will give anything now to get into SAJC,CJC or TPJC...really...i cant say i would do better then what my results say because no one will believe...and i know i can...but its like will i do it? man i feel like this is irreverisble now la..its like i can never come back from this ever la...look at it...TPJC also reject me la...im like a useless liabilty..if god wants me to die kill me now,dont kill me slowly like this...