3/3/2006 - my life

masquerading round tongues of fire,

evading its death through borrowed time and luck,

its harrowed steps start to lick my feet,

my time is up,

the borrowed time,

the fervent luck,

has gone this day,

and will never come again.

never again will i down this path,

the path of fate,

the decisive nature of modern society,

put my head to the sword,

my destiny to my deathbed.

noever thought i would end this way,

no matter how badly i turn up,

but lately things,

started to show up,

things started to deterioate,

and thats a understatement,

i fell like a limp deer to a lion,

butter to a flaming knife,

dead to the world,

dead to myself,

dead for use.

now porspects are not enriching,

nor is it in anyway normal,

its damning,

its humiliating,

its disgraceful..

moodless for anything,

useless for anything,

whats the raionale behind this venture in life?

if life wanst to kill me,

i only have one plea,

kill me quickly,

dont kill me slowly..

dont grant me a slow painful death,

i dont think i deserve it,

the world needs not see me die,

no one deserves that hallowed mark on their lifes.

just give a swift flick,

and  then tell me to end quickly..

if life has other plans,

plans for a brighter future,

then i hope i can meet up to it,

and i hope it comes fast,

for i badly need it at the moment,

im in saturated desperation,

saturated disarray,

confidence is unlearned,

though little i had in the first place...

i really im gonna be in square one now,

and if things cannot be worse,

can i appeal appeal appeal?

or just appeal?

what the hell,

looking at my luck i say choi,

looking at my life i say fuck,

looking at me i say goodbye....

i dont know what to do now,

should i just stare at the ceiling,

should i just let myself fall more,

logically i should pick myself up,

but have i fallen too far?

too deep?

too low?

damn,

why does this happen to me?

why must i harbour all this...

its contemplation,

its time for rejuvenation,

but how?

how?
im scarred beyond recognition,

any way back?

help my sodden soul,

before it becomes prey to the raging wolves,

the incarceration of flesh,

the stamp of fate,

is something,

i hope never to fall bait...

SOS,

need someone to talk to,

im beyond depression,

its worse than ever...

i may be beyond repair,

but any pillar of support will help,

gotta go think this through now,

its gonna be crucial...