3/3/2006 - beyond my wildest nightmare

its a joke right....its really a joke right....slap me....slap me out of this...im hallucinating right...come on its true ah...damn...thanks alot to cjc man...1 got like 17 raw la...-4 13 can go cjc cutoff 13 and tpjc cut off 14...thats provided i put either of them 1st choice la..so i put cj....and i sacrifice the 2 loyalty points to tpjc..the kiss of death...cjc celebrates lowering their cutoff for 4 consecutive years...to 12!!..i miss cj by 1 pt...and then tp by 1 coz now its 17-2 15...and the cutoff was 14 la..wth man...like that i like miss cjc and tpjc by 1 pt...now i have to go sr...so it wasnt a good day today...i screwed myself up..i prpbably irritated everyone with my misery...i made ppl get angry with my depression,i make life so difficult...why cant i just like move on man...must i like tell everyone and make them feel pissed....its quite irritating i know...

so now i dunno...went to appeal for sajc,cjc..and tpjc online...wherever will do fine now..and i got the cheek to put tp 3rd...what was i thinking...now im like in deep shit la..its beyond my wildest nightmare..right now i rather go SAJC,TPJC,CJC...honestly i rather TP than CJ...but because of the trouble appealing and stuff i have to say if SA fails i hope CJ fails and TP suceeds...thast the only way i can go TP...honestly...its sad la..and its like if all fail i no need to waste my breath la...i know my frens are tired of me already...they just want to move on right...its only natural...u dont want a loser who keeps whining and whiing...im losing friends..im humiliated,im dead, im gone..sad end man..hope tommorow audition at SA works...its my only hope now...