16/3/2006 - beam of hope

yes,finally a deacon of light,a change for the slighty more optimistic prospects...yup,today was a good day.i feel like my life is like a stock market exchange at the moment..the daily fluctuations,so far going down more often than up but i shant go into depression yet again..i repeat today is a good day,finally i see the route to slavation,amiss the saviour angel and the oppurtunity cost of my previous endeavours..we shall see what is to behold my future,hopefully its going to be a stark improvement from the decadent remants i scampered for after the results came out,tearing manyholds of the foundation of my secondary school life...for now the pandelic shift is now to the present,the chalice has not been filled and it shall and must be filled not only now,but for now forth...keep the flame burning!! no coincidence,cjc by fate is the school for me....not by choice admittedly,not by merit embarrassingly,but by suitability inevitably..i kind of like cjc in a way now,i hope im not taking it for granted..the jury is still out on me though,my every step will be scrutinized,my every notion will be calibrated,i must make sure no more dents form from the petering canvas of the fabric of my life,for if it fails,consequences will prove dire,and the fire ever burning will just engulf my flesh,and careen my soul to self-damnation...it shant be allowed to happen and will not,somehow this is not going to be just a way out of it,its going to be the way through it,the sweet treasure,the forming milestone of my life...its up to me and i hope i will,make the cj journey one im proud of,one i can repay back the faith..

went for cjc lectures today...it was essential yeah,had catching up to do after the ponned lectures in tpjc...yeah it was fruitful..econs was missed though,none the matter it was supply lol...anyways,i went to tpjc after leaving cjc at 11..and arrived like 12.30...lol...waited umteenth years for the 996 and we took to parkway!! missed the eunos mrt lol...ok that was my fault not hisham,was talking to raja lol..yeah...and we took a cab lol...and i paid the cab fare lol...yeah and we went there and the usual kaki went already!! chatted and played taide with siva and dinie..then the 2nd intakers came and we played...i played badly...guess i was not in the right mind or the right shape,goals 2 assists 1....performance rating 3....yup that was how it was...dinie was the star man man....excellent,i feel he is a changed man...i feel he has turned the corner and not just had the luck of the green...yes hes definitely having a turn for the best...bless his little cotton socks...yups..then went back to parkway on the 12 lol...through roxy hahaz..yeah and then went to BK for late lunch at about 1530,,hisham had to go do his passport,leaving for australia on friday i reckon...wonder why though..holiday? hahaz...it remanins to be seen lol..and yeah so played pool with joshua,who we met on 12 on the way from TPJC to parkway...lost 1-4 or 1-5..played normally in all the games but lacked the finish or played poorly towards the end...yeah...then only managed to scrap past dinie 3-2 subsequently lol...can i concentrate on anything i do? dont the memories of sec 3 and 4 come back to haunt you sigh...and then i went to macs with dinie..yes dinner was like at 6+....wow i got a crazy food timetable lol..anyways went for alumni practice...they changed both pieces!! and im playing like very outright parts...worth my time? dont think so....am i a asset to the band? no...i dunno what to think about it for the moment...guess let the river of fate flow me to my destination on this one....hope no screw ups come monday at the esplanade...

really looking forward to today...meeting khairiyah and wenling later on at 1000...miss them ya they are really nice mates=) lets go galavanting like we did in the tpjc days!! one aspect i still miss in tpjc lol...and yeah got to know more cjc people closer today..hope to keep it up...got to know my class....i got to make friends..they are nice people...its up to me to be the same....ah well.friday hisham booked me for the afternoon...hopefully S06 can come to a decision when to meet before the holidays end,and on sat i can go with my og outing and not compromise on it for the alumni practice!! somemore the last practice before the performance!! whoa i tell you time is really flying by but the day is slow....do i make sense? haha...

hope to be able to do the alumni band what is required...hope to keep my friends intact and hope to make new ones...hope i can cope in cjc..hope i can do well in school...both in studies and finding time for my tutorials and doing my cca and stuff properly...and hopefully i can keep my family close to me and be more in touch with my spiritual being..yeah havent been very much in that recently lol..really getting nervy after habing typed so much and so fast...so i shall go now...for later awaits...till the next time..