30/3/2006 - the bitter truth sets in

yes,the grace period is over.the fostering of understandings in cjc is supposed to have finally come to conclusion. yes,I had quite a great time in cjc so far,and ive met great people,espeicially in 1T35. But now comes the part i know only too well,respite will bite at the end,like a frosted nose in the wintry cold,like a dry throat in the desert wind..yes,im feeling what i felt towards the end of many of my stays..like in tpjc,like in sps,like in tns...the last few moments were filled with remorse and regret,not by my peers,my peers are great,but i have to accept im a liability.Honestly,the rest have happened at the ending,but now,its at the beginning...already things are starting to look pretty bleak..for now,i would give anything to return back to TPJC..but then again,yet again,i really dont deserve to have the choice do I...i mean,what the hell am i supposed to do? im caught..the class is split up into various clicks,the class is great,but i just feel out of place somewhat...i dunno,i still have a socializing problem sigh..today marks officially day 1 in cjc that im feeling so down....previously i was at least contented...for now,my heart points east,my head goes west...

find myself stuck in a hole,i curse at myself for not being able to get my engine started. yeah im more slack then ever...so far 0 things done at home and 100 percent done in detention and library..and mostly its detention..PW is a torture...i hope i can get through it but i cant...wish i can do something about it..know i have some ppl i can work with in TPJC...i would have been in the class with audrey,edwin,hin fan,jerlynn and poh wei jin...yeah...i wanna go back now it seems..chem has been ok,maths has been average,econs has been pretty easy, and physics downright depressing..not that physics is downright hard or anything,but i look at what im studying..am i choosing the right thing? my mind drifts to lit...TPJC,Chem,Maths,Econs,Lit. yes...my S06 class ppl had that combi...i would probably be with wen ling and sallehin,who are ppl i relish working with...honestly,1T35 has great personalities..but i just miss the X-factor,the extra bit that i find in tpjc..sigh...im feeling it...its depressing...im taking 985 and 12 now..the 985 s downright lonely...i take to the bus depot outside kallang stn...no one else on the bus usually..its not what i want...i want the 50 min bus ride on the 12 to the east..sigh..i think too much,maybe my feelings are wrong...maybe they are biased...but for now,the bitter truth sets in,im stuck in cjc,i miss tpjc,im losing frens thick and fast,and academic burden and physical ones are coming at full flow....avalanche of despair yonder? i hope not..barely keeping sane here..