2/4/2006 - i never felt crazy like this before

today i was contemplating my situation the whole day..and taking note of my emotions as i go along..yes things havent been going smoothly recently...i think i lost alot of friends,i became somewhat of a irritant...and well a hopeless recalcitrant...i dunno,what i have anaylsed i had come to a conclusion paralleled to friday,which is no nearer where the ideal solution i want it to be...sigh...things better turn better fast,or else these problems would be here to stay..and i fear and i know that if anything goes wrong,the scars will be deeper than ever..

the feeling of returning to TPJC is not as strong as it was a few days ago...nevertheless i still want to go to the East...i guess my feelings have been numbed by the oncoming crisis and the accumilated stress of uncompleted work,which add to the frustrations...sigh...i need to work something out fast,no point telling me to do my work coz i know based on this different situation it wont work out.and yes i think i acting too rash...slow down!! damn this is so pissing.mistake after mistake consequence after consequence.=(

had a rather uneventful(relative) and unblissful day today...yes i had fun at fencing,which i spent 10 dollars getting a cab to cjc to take a bus to ubi somewhere in paya lebar and i stay at katong!! somemore maw chearng,samantha and victoria never go lol.. yeah...it was fun nevertheless...spent a good hour trying to make my way to parkway lol..passing eunos,kembangan and bedok mrt on the way..detour lol..yeah and then the rest of the day i would say i did things i dont normally want to do...but i did because of the situation..yeah..met don at parkway macs at 1300...dunno why i keep on asking him..all he does is take my money lol...shows im desperate for company lol...means im lonely sigh...help!! and then played LAN and pool to socialize with Sean,Ivan,Kenneth,Justin,Twins,Gavin,Alphonsus,Louis....yeah..then had dinner at the Roxy pan mian..nice la but i guess im not in the mood...the day is so draggy but time passes so fast...i want to turn back to TPJC PAE 2006 January...sigh..and yeah came home for the first time ever in many weeks the earliest...2215...yeah..shows things are different now...and its not good..watched man united squeeze a 2-1 victory over bolton ''happily'' after watching birmigham hold chelsea 0-0...just like me,i dont think its over...time to do something..its time to heal the wounds...0G19 yet another outing cancelled,i irritated cheryl and Reuben,i probably upset the 06S06 ppl and i probably pissed the 1T35 ppl..and i even made my best friends feel uncomfortable...yeah i got to do something and fast...sorry for my misendeavours and i will try my best to not only heal them but to bless them...tommorow is another day,or rather today cause its 0429...its going to be a day of reflection hopefully...and i hope to at least recover academically...and life goes on,the soul stagnates,the brain rots and the heart breaks....sigh..