23/5/2006 - arrogance met by dignity
i was so fucking wrong today. so fucking wrong. i thought even though my studies are now at a very alarming state, i would have at least been able to do what i really love to most, enjoy a simple fucking game of football. Instead im left with fucking insulting wounds and scars, worse still, coming from my comrades not total strangers, my so called brothers. to be honest i dont know what to say, they think they are so damn fucking good. yes, i agree i was very poor, i take loads of time to adapt, but the fucking condescending tone and the bloody arrogance was really uncalled for. really..its really a stereostype,its the familar problem again, the fucking stereotype. ok i skied a few balls, and what i get was not what maw chearng got when he scuffed a shot or skied a ball, its more than fucking double standards man...i mean what the fuck...and they expect wonders from having no possession of the ball, and then claim i made?no fucking space...i can never be good in their eyes...especially erwin...i dont know whats hes fucking problem, sliming and really not just irritating but really pissing me off as well...not as if he is fucking good. my brothers, they were not. they order me around the pitch, everything going wrong just blame, just critisize, and im supposed to fucking just play along? come on..esmond and daniel was the only ones from my class playing that didnt complain..maybe because i was playing for the opposition. but what the hell, i was so damn pissed with them all at that stage, their sheer arrogance, they dont give a fuck about my dignity, while hanging my bloody dirty linen in public. this is shit man, and the dirty linen aint even fucking true!
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i tell you i was so damn pleased to be sent over to the other team in the second half, i was so damn pissed no matter what i did i was still that 'lousy shit' or the 'tyco shit' by my own 'brothers'. even after scoring 2 or 3 (depends whether u are fucking daryl and dont allow my goal out of personal problem) they say tyco, they say all they want, and of course daryl had to add on, to be honest i admit that was a bad tackle, but i wasnt aiming at his fucking leg for goodness sake!! yes and what the hell is wrong he just wants retribution, role reversal, had i been tackled nothing done. its just double standards, my brothers just dont even see me as equals, i cant stand it, its arrogance v dignity..its just so damn pissing....
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yeah and now here i am reeling from betrayal. they may perceive otherwise,i may pretend otherwise, but this day will be scarred, will be known as the day i realise whats it they think of me. i want to play for the opposition, i get the ball for a start.this is where i miss tpjc...i miss the people there. i played equally badly, but they encourage me, they help me, and i have played to my potential. here they are doing likewise, but by fuelling resentment and hatred. peace out, got the econs project to do..and things to reflect, arrogance must pay.
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