16/7/2006 - finding the light

finding the light,

in a shortness of words,

in a lack of initiative,

but with good intent,

so summarized in vague expressions,

now flew down like paper in the wind,

with no substance,

nor shape.

is it worth it,

to vent any energy on this,

no matter how collossal or major,

the rejevenation breeds an inevitable cycle,

and back to the root,

back to the problem,

the source just new found,

just newly brood,

same pain.

blood is shed,

hearts are torn,

tears are flowed,

fists are beat,

walls have cracked,

but yet the thing,

we want changed still lack,

despite the upbeat music,

the bliss in cover,

so artificial,

so unreal.

the time of bliss lasts short,

the pain like scars it last,

the problems emulsify,

the solutions seem ever impossible,

or even unthinkable.

by word,

by thought,

by action,

through temptations,

through regret,

through business,

through falling to vices,

we all do creep down low,

and where we think its good,

setbacks abound.

set out that day,

to put things amend,

but alas,

things didnt transcend,

neither did the moral justice act,

seem at all worth it.

but failure always suceeds,

if the success fails,

but not vice-versa,

the bridge falls into the ravine,

but the wall does not turn into a bridge.

yes,

its the caricature of human life,

the formation and synthesis of stress,

the nature of problems circulated,

some to fail,

some to suceed,

the line ever so thin,

luck like a dice rolling on your table,

deciding your destiny,

how to ensure the best,

is always there,

when things are by chance,

like a leaf falling,

rain coming,

the penchant notion must stop.

this feeling ever familiar,

though i rather it be stranger,

yearning for the glow of life,

the aviodness of miscontent,

angst ridden insanity,

and the green pastures,

like a dark danggling carrot,

never to be reached,

never to be preached,

prepare for the destruction,

the personal disemination of emotions,

the annilation of the soul,

the termination of ones tenure,

whats the purpose,

of even being around now?

yes,

things are pre-planned,

my day was decided with a mahjong spree,

wei jin, audrey, cheryl and jerlyn,

we had fun yea,

fun i missed for a long long time,

and feelings abound never touched long time,

and feelings felt accustomed to nowadays,

be it good or bad,

it swarmed like bats in a cave,

or angels in heaven,

and hark the sweet call,

my dear friend wenling,

should catch up soon.

i soon hear the melody,

the tune,

the rhythm,

the beat,

vigorating every fibrin in my heart,

every tendon in my joints,

every sinew of my flesh,

my soul leaps in organized frenzy,

what could this be?

the complications of love?

or the simplicity of just being fond,

i feel the latter,

i could be proven wrong.

hope things turn better,

for it cannot be worse,

or less stable,

yes,

rationale calls,

i shall withdraw ideal intention,

exams need careful and deliberate attention,

oral and listening,

a level examinations,

after the fiasco of the mid year,

BDSFFF,

not ideal,

not at all,

in fact dire,

so much to say,

so little time to tell,

let words be breathed,

another day,

another chapter must be written,

the rainbow after the rain,

hopefully as reality,

not just a farfectched dream,

for now the rain lashes then drizzles,

lashes and drizzels,

 the rain must stop,

i must find the light.

contemplation.precision.perfection.execution.

it must be done...and how...