6/9/2006 - realm of polka
enough of the polka. everyone is putting on a fake id these days. and honestly im not very good at guessing whats beneath the facade. im sorry but my confidence has never been good enough to be able to boldly announce i totally know anyone wholesomely-even myself. so yeah. people can act one way, pretend one way, and seem so real. but its confusing, and sometimes i find it hard to believe, impossible to contemplate anything else. hmm...these are things many suceed by just taking that risk upon. why cant I? I really dun understand myself. i just am not that personality although i want to be. the ablility to just take every thing by their stride, and just be as comfortable and charismatic as possible. sigh. how i wish. it may be a background and all, but man i got to do something about it. for me it...well...i dont know...it could either be painfully obvious or just abad mistake. its often the latter. but i live in hope. i hate living in hope. man thats something i would die to give up. cant i do something about it? i really dont know, so unsure, so unstable. hell i wish i was charismatic and just on the stride....wish i knew exactly what to do....actually i do...its just i dont do. well. its killing me...if only the chance didnt come and go so fast. for someone like me, a miracle must happen. and i am hoping for it. oh ever so confused. what should i do? i really am unsure, one says yes one says no. hmm...logic overwrites at this time, but there is that element of expecting the unexpected. well i hope im doing what is optimum, not now i mean but i hope i do. God, i know i havent been very holy, but shine thee guidance...i need some understanding...some enlightenment....remove the hesistation....free thy spirit, may thy flesh sparkle in the light and to blood flow in the cup of life. steer me back to normality....
every day it just gets more mercurial. it was not a super super great day but it was quite good nonetheless. my life thickens. im ever more confused. ever more deep in thought. im not giving up just yet, but i dont want to make any mistakes. wished i was a risk-taker but well i got to accept i just cant have it can i. some people just have it....i dont....i just hope people understand...i just hope people give me time...and i hope i have newfound confidence...got some today playing the game i love...Joga Bonito..the Beautiful game...hopefully it can transcend to the rest of my life...yes, i polayed soccer finally again in CJC with the 1T24 guys and Mr Yee....Hisham,shaun,clarence,gerard and co. yup. was pleased at how im getting back the exhilaration. as i thundered each ball into the grandstand, my soul began to loosen....and even though after the games the flesh turned a tad sore...i was happy...it was like a soul going to see the doctor...momentarily freeing everything by blasting balls high into the stand...and i scored a goal as well...pleased....and i continue life again....studying was mediocore...econs was horrible...i got 5.5/25...but well..no point lamenting....i see what i can do..yeah it was goodplaying and then going for dinner with hisham.clarence and jeremy...sometimes i wished i could turn back time..but other times...i just wish for that chance to shape my life...i have to have the confidence...running a tad short of it at the moment...must have the charisma...hope people give me time..
yeah..pause....jagan....berhenti...breathe...
if only i knew all the answers...
it may be staring at your face..
but yet u are still unsure..
u dont want to risk getting it horribly wrong..
but then..
time does miracles..
and time is what i need...
i hope people give me that..
the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...
i will get to the right answers..
im a perfectionist..
i cant stand not knowing what is right..
just wait and see...
chronicles wondered and pondered at 2256..
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About Me
Brandon Wong DOB:12 Nov 1989 E-mail:brandon_wong89@hotmail.com School: Catholic Junior College (2T35) Hobbies: Soccer,Tennis, Cycling, Pool.. Supports: Manchester United Ferrari Rafael Nadal Avenged Sevenfold
My Top 10 Songs
1. TEARS DONT FALL- BFMV
2. STRENGTH OF THE WORLD - A7X
3. BLEEDING HEARTS- ATREYU
4. SEIZE THE DAY- A7X
5. BECOMING THE BULL- ATREYU
6. SECOND HEARTBEAT- A7X
7. BLINDED IN CHAINS-A7X
8. BEAST AND THE HARLOT- A7X
9. THE WICKED END- A7X
10. EX's AND OH's- ATREYU
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