I LOVE THESE COURT EXCHANGES...Tickle my funny bone!

...And are things people actually said in court,

Word for word,

Taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment

 Of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing~~~

Your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

WITNESS: I forget.

 ~~has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

He doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

Your Honour,

I think I need a different attorney.

Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

 To a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

How many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

Then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

00:06 - Saturday, November 3, 2007 - post comment