Then the drover says to the young man,

"Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is,

will you give me back my calf"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,

"Okay, why not?" 
 
You're a bean counter for the Federal Government.

"That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" 
 
"No guessing was required." answered the drover,

"You showed up here even though nobody called you;

you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,

to a question I never asked.

You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are;

and you don't know a thing about sheep BECAUSE...

 This is a HERD OF COWS.

Now give me back my PRIZE BLUE HEELER DOG!"

21:00 - Tuesday, November 27, 2007 - comments {2} - post comment

A CORNY FUNNY HA, HA!

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said……

"I want 3 flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,

"This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.

 What does he think this place is an auto parts store?"

"No", the cook said.

"Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up,

 and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, Ok!" said the waitress.

 She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked,

"What are the beans for?"

She replied,

"I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards your might as well gas up!"

20:44 - Tuesday, November 27, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

"This Is My Mantra"

To love is to receive a glimpse of Heaven…

So you see, imagination needs mood-ling along.

Inefficient dawdling and puttering.

20:39 - Tuesday, November 27, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

A POEM...I LIKE!

THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE

This is the time of your life
Do not waste it, for it soon will be gone
That it will never come again
Is a fact you can count on

Live each day as if it is the last
For one day it will surely be
That the time will come when it will end
Is a fact from which none are free

Time unlike money, once spent
There is no way to make more
Time is now, and always will be
A truly one way door

There is no going back
That is a thing that just cannot be
We get one pass through this life
So see all that you can see

Do not look back too long
For forward you must go
There is so much more you need to do
So much more you need to know

Try to find some happiness
Among Life's trials, and strife
Remember always what time it is
This is the time of your life

12:51 - Saturday, November 10, 2007 - comments {2} - post comment

I LOVE THESE COURT EXCHANGES...Tickle my funny bone!

...And are things people actually said in court,

Word for word,

Taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment

 Of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing~~~

Your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

WITNESS: I forget.

 ~~has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

He doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

Your Honour,

I think I need a different attorney.

Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

 To a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

How many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

Then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

00:06 - Saturday, November 3, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Happy Halloween 

To all the people who celebrate this very old custom.

I hope your day is magical and fun.

I was fascinated to find out all the information I could…

Because here in the land of Aus’ we have never celebrated Halloween.

I belong to a few tag groups and all October these wonderful graphics kept

Rolling into my inbox and rather than delete them because I couldn’t use them.

I just posted them on to all my group friends who loved them.

I am still wading through the reams of info on the subject.

So happy trick or treating and hope you don’t spot too many ghosties!

00:12 - Friday, November 2, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

DON'T HOLD TO ANGER!

Inspirational Quote 

Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain.

They steal your energy and keep you from love.

23:49 - Thursday, November 1, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

HISTORICAL DAYS

15:03 - Saturday, October 20, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

World Records
Most Tattooed Person
The ultimate in multi-layered tattooing is represented by the Chainsaw juggling, unicycle, sword-swallowing Lucky Diamond Rich (Australia, born New Zealand), who has spent over 1,000 hours having his body modified by hundreds of tattoo artists. He began by having a full collection of colourful designs from around the world tattooed over his entire body. But not content with stopping there, Lucky next opted for a 100% covering of black ink, including eyelids, the delicate skin between the toes, down into the ears, and even his gums. He is now being tattooed with white designs on top of the black, and coloured designs on top of the white!

11:16 - Thursday, October 18, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

ON THIS DAY...

11:03 - Thursday, October 18, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

CREDIT

Quote:

"It is amazing how much you can accomplish~~

~~when it doesn't matter who gets the credit."

 Harry S.Truman

16:14 - Thursday, October 11, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

KIND WORDS DO NOT COST MUCH!

Thought for Today

Kind words do not cost much.

They never blister the tongue or lips.   

Blaise Pascal

16:12 - Thursday, October 11, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

SOME DAYS ARE...

* Cloudy & Beautiful *

Some days are more beautiful without the sun shining brightly.

Some days, the cold, bitter wind feels good against my face.

Some days, the dark clouds impart a sense of hope & comfort...

There is beauty not only in the obvious, but also in the subtle~

perhaps even more.

It is the pervasiveness of beauty that makes it so sublime.

That a dark, cold day can be just as wonderful as a bright, sunny one,

is a monumental testament to the beauty of life itself...

Excitement comes also in quiet moments.

Love is present during lonely times.

Satisfaction is found even with hunger & desire.

Hope is possible even amidst despair...

Drink in the richness of the whole & beautiful world~

which exists beyond the obvious...

And marvel each & every day at the Magnificence of Life...

16:11 - Friday, September 21, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

AMAZE YOURSELF