Screentek, it just won't go away...although technically it has.

Who knew way back when Ma Screentek burst through the school doors, arms waving, legs marching, mouth proclaiming the superiority of her company...who knew that when my husband and I exchanged annoyed glances and dropped her business cards into the garbage, that she would be forever in my hair. Whether she will be in my hair 'forever' has yet to be determined, but it sure seems likely.

Funny how I'm updating a story I never really told. Suffice it to say that Ma did something that I considered dirty and underhanded enough to make me her enemy for life. Suffice it say that you don't want me for an enemy. Last spring my greatest dream was realized. My husband drove by their so-called business and found it empty. No signs, nothing. Just a few boxes with junk. Trust me, I do not wish misfortune on others unless they have done something horrible to me or someone else. This was bliss. I even found an old website of theirs, complete with misspellings and centering issues. I will post it. I saved a copy before they took it down.  I was so happy that I declared it Haiku week on my website, amidst other celebrations. On that Friday, my husband received a creepy call at work from a very gruff individual who was trying to find me. When he was finally convinced that I did not work there, the guy hung up. Ma had threatened to sue me before, but this hardly seemed like someone from "A Professional Corporation". The lawyer's envelope actually calls his firm that to remove all doubt I guess! Well FightingFemale does not like suspicious, gruff men trying to track her down so she put up a 'coming soon' message on her site. People have had rivals* hurt or killed for even less reason than making fun of a defunct business.

*To be a rival, one must be at or near equal grounds, which we never were.

On the same day that Mr. Hired Henchman called, I re-checked their site. It too had a 'coming soon' sign that proclaimed they had moved their website (can't imagine why) and their business. The sign is still there. Imagine trying to pretend that a business still exists. So sad! My response was to put a link to www.notfoolinganybody.com on my site. My husband also has not seen any activity from them in the area. He thinks that if they are doing any printing, they maybe housing what's left of their equipment in some warehouse. The 2009 telephone book arrived last week and they aren't listed. This village is not friendly to new businesses either; the codes are ridiculous and the taxes/fees are exorbitant.

All the while, Ma kept showing up at my Market Day sale. Honestly, if I threatened to sue somebody and then went down in crushing defeat, I would frequent the other sale site or go without. Why would someone repeatedly go where they aren't wanted? One time that I saw she had ordered, I wore a t-shirt from a major client that we stole from her. My husband printed me up a couple as a trophy. The b**** actually did a double take!  It's one thing to show up to annoy someone when you are *rivals*, but after you've failed? Cluess? No pride? In fact, often times she or her husband (aka Flanders from the Simpsons) shows up late. Right after we found out that their business closed, they didn't show up at all. I put her order in the freezer. When the school called me to find out if they were going to pick up their order, "I heard they've fallen on hard times. I understand they've had a business go belly up".  So last month, she showed up as a volunteer! She does have extra time on her hands. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em? Our paths did not cross because I did the paperwork while she schleped boxes--not how she envisioned things turning out, I'm sure! I did my best to look queenly. (I did and continue to do plenty of schlepping myself .)
My husband's theories as to why she showed up are as follows:
1. She thinks I'm getting free stuff.  He thinks everybody thinks that I am getting free stuff because of his self-professed southwest side attitude. I rarely get free stuff. Last month there was a box of carrot cakes and a box of trail mix cookies that the rep told me to take. The cakes disappeared and the cookies are on top of my freezer in the basement. They have about a thousand calories each and probably taste like straw. One time I ended up with two bags of a pasta vegetable blend that we never ate. That's it.

2. She wants to de-thrown me. Well I wish she would! You would not believe the hours that I put in. I'm constantly afraid that I will ruin my legs by schlepping too much if we don't have enough volunteers, which we rarely do. Just the other day, on the way to visit my mother, I had to call my son while I was driving. I forgot to place an order at another sale for two customers whose orders were turned in late, and the deadline was 45 min. away. I was frantically screaming for him to find the orders and navigating him around the website while I was having a horrible sneezing fit from an allergy attack. I think it would have been easier to talk someone through landing an airplane or delivering a baby. So on Thurs. I will pick up the orders and deliver them. Pie bonus days are coming so I have to pick up the orders from the three schools, enter them, make sure the payments are correct, etc. The day before the last sale, I had to place 72 reminder calls. The day after the sale, the phone rings nonstop:"Why do the forms list the old location?" "We need more forms", "I forgot to pick up my order", etc. Oh yes, such a glamorous life. Need I remind you that I don't make a cent?

3.She heard my husband was helping out last month and wants to ask him for a job. Seems strange that someone would do something horrible, threaten to sue and then go asking for a job. She does have a habit of showing up where she's not wanted, though. Remember: Clueless and no pride.

It's good to be queen! Good triumped over evil for once.