And So I speak... On a more personal note... I am still in love... madly.  Living in a less than ideal physical space with my daughter and significant other and her boys and ex and his mother is becoming a strain.  when i speak of getting my own place.... She looks at me like i hate herbecause she can't leave til the youngest is a little more settled in a new special school with meds and such, He says everythings working well for everybody the way they are and I should just stay, My daughter wants a place to have her own room but she will be leaving home in about a two months and I can't afford a big place alone.  I have been waiting out staying here til she left but i am nearing my boiling point.  this isnt my home.  I am not a parent to these boys and they have way different rules for them than I do for my daughter.  They are seldom punished beyond the original bitch out and let to do pretty much aanything they want the next day or so.  I restrict. and I have a curfew and chores and things expected from my kids.  Now my daughter is slippin.  and complaining that they don't have to or they get to or whatever.  I even get the evil looks or questioning when i say something about her doing not only her chores but thiers as well. I want to be with Kelly.  I would have a hard time sleeping with out her.  It will be three to 6 months before she can move into a place with me. What  should I do.  I am in an emotional Quandry.

SEE?

Tommorrow.... jealousy and todays Lesbian.

And So I speak... but i originally came here because of something i read somewhere saying you can add things to up your traffic, you can make $ with ads and things like that.  I can't figure out how to do this.  can anyone help me figure it out?  or figure out if I can find a different typew of template elsewhere that could work?

maybe i can save any $ i make here and take a class in writing and get better.

And So I speak...  I think that I have finally decided to write and that the thing for me to write is what  know and what I am passionate about... therefore.. Childrens books.  I think they will be good. about a child who has a multi ehtnic, multi generatioanl, family who live different lifestyles.  The topics would be her learning about the differences through interactions with peers, in school, or even in the general public and spreading her love and knowledge and experiences in a simple way to other kids. a way to ultimately teach kids my favorite quote... "it matters not who you love, or how you love, but THAT you love."   or in this case... are loved.

I have wanted to write for years and just feel this is a place to start.  New things are always scary... but we have to break out of our shells.  I can't sit around wanting to write, helping people write thier letters, resumes, writing erotic short stories,doing blogs or unpaid restaurant critiques on Yahoo Local forever... no matter how many people tell me I am a good writer, I can't seem to get the plot, character and dialogue down for a novel down and am not in a financial place to take a class to teach me what i need in that department.  So I will start here. 

I have a feeling it is the right choice... I woke up with the name of the character and an outline of a plot for the introductory book right inmy mind this morning asking my partner how old this child should be when I introduce her....

Good sign.

wish me luck

And So I speak... I don't get online much.  I am in a place where my time online is limited by others time online(three teens), and my own being so busy that I just don't often find the time for much other than checking email, shopping, or myspace checking or craigslist.

Tonight my beautiful love and I get a classy night out. We won a limo ride to a dinner all expense paid at a nice restaurant in a city an hour away.  We are looking forward to it although my mainly butch grrlfriend is in a tizzy about her attire.  I am more girly/femme or used to be much more so.  that at least means I have more choices of what to wear.  I think we will have to go to the shops later today to find her a new pair of shoes to go with one of the few femme outfits she has.

Since you dpn't yet know much about me my dearest journal readers. I have decided to pull a topic from the news today as a jumping off point from which to journal.

http://www.expressgaynews.com/thelatest/thelatest.cfm?blog_id=15067

I cannot believe there is still such intolerance and idiocy on this earth. just a fewmonths ago I was so excited for my granddaughter to be born.  I told everyone who would hear my theory. 

This is a girl child who will be born and raised with a new way of thinking and a new kind of life. with two grandmas who love one another, a grandmother and grandfather who live seperate lives, brown uncles, and godbrothers, a set of traditional great frandparents and a single great grandma, even a great great grandmother.  two aunties and a great uncle who aren't that much older than she is and maybe someday even another aunt or uncle raised by her two grandmas who love one another.  All with different paths spiritually in life. She will have choices and lvoe from all of these people and will be so loved she will never feel hate towards others because of thier lifestyle. She will grow up as one of the first in the next few generations of these children who are going to slowly be able to have these huge diverse families and lives... and she will radiate that same love and maybe someday be a teacher or leader to bring love and knowledge and openness to the world.

I still believe she will be a great person and do those things.  you can already see the love and wisdom radiate from her.  but some days.... i read stories like this one above.  And I am afraid our world will not let our children be who they are meant to be.

SIGH.

today I am excited for tonight... but a little sad for those who weren't raised by a hippie mother. Thank You today Mother for raising me to be who I am.  Even if it took years to fully blossom.  and please have faith my Mother that I am doing all I can to teach my children and thier children well.

Anna