The days are all the same. No money from the ex. No money from the school. No work getting done. No time to think. All the happiness I have is the paper and the pen that keep me going through the days and into the nights that last for all eternity. I look up at the rain and wonder why it doesn't drown me. I have heard that you can die in a teacup of water but I can not die in a flood of rain water pouring down on my face. I see the rainbow above me and wonder why does it shine. Does it not know that when the rain comes to an end it will disappear back into the hues from which it came. Why does the sun continue to shine when all I can feel is the rain, inside and out, drowning me in my own muddy sorrow. Have you ever drown in mud? It is completely different than trying to drown in water. It is slower to sink but harder to fight. It is like life telling you I am going to let yourself watch as you sink into the abyss that you want to call your end. Painfully aware that you cannot save yourself but that it is going to last for all the time it wants. 
These are the feelings of the person inside. I read it in my case studies everyday but how can you relate to that if you have never really felt it first hand?  I am sorry for anyone who has become a therapist but has not ever felt what it is like to drown inside of yourself. You will never really understand the pain inside of the person you are trying so hard to help. What a pity!