Meds, Terri, Ex & Freedom

I am sorry for this post if it comes out all crazy. I am really drugged, legally!

I am feeling pretty yuck tonight. I had to go back to the hospital, because I cannot keep any food down. So they put me on a new med for that and some more pain meds. I also got shot in the ass again. So now I am all loopy but I have been able to eat for the first time in two days. The point to telling you this is you may have to over look the fact that it may be bouncing around a little.

Terri Schivo: I feel so bad for all of the people involved in that but I am glad that it is over and if there is a heaven I am sure that she is there feeling so much better than she has in the last 15 years. I have been on the side of the husband the whole time, but this one point. When that lady was on the last leg of death, he should have let her family in there. I believe later in life he will regret that. That was pure spite from the way I see it. He had already won the battle though in this case no one won the war.

Also I think the political figures should have stayed out of this. It was a family issue and it should have stayed that way. One thing I can say though, it has taught the nation and the law makers to be more prepared and make laws that cover these issues for the next time they arrive. So there was the good that came out of the bad. I always say things happen gor a reason. That things are all in a never ending cycle of trying to teach us something and there is always a ray of light in the darkness.

I confronted Ex about the drugs I believe he is doing. He says he isn't and is even going to take a drug test. The rule is if he fails it, he has to go to rehab before he can have the kids. If he passes it tomorrow, then he will be able to get his weekends back with the kids.

It has been so long since they have spent an over-night together. I know they miss each other but I have to look out for the best interest of the kids. Additionally, I think the longer he goes without seeing the kids, the more he loses his focus on the important things in life.  It is going to be good for them all to know that the others care. I try to keep the kids in touch with him, but I have got to the point that all I do is let them voice what they feel about him. Right now, they feel like he is abandoning him. I cannot do anything to make him a part of them, that is a choice he has to make. And if he really goes to get the test tomorrow, then that is a step in the right direction, to proving to the kids he wants to be a part of their lives, that maybe he will stick around.

As I read this, I wonder if the "oops" I made in the line about abandoning them I first wrote me. Do I feel like I abandoned me? I guess yes in a way I did/do. Most of the time I don't think about it and I sure don't feel that way. But there is that once in a while I do that what might have been. what would our family be like now? Where we would be? But like I said before, it all happens for a reason.

Earlier I asked a question "What is freedom?" Well now I am going to answer it for myself, right now.

Freedom is the joy of nowing that you can be who you are without the the worry of being made to feel like you are going to be put down for it. It is the realization that you can control everything in your life and the consequences that happens because of it. It is the feeling you have it is a beautiful spring day and you know that it is going to be a day without problems. It is the way you feel when you are swinging higher than ever before.  It is the happiness when you get to just breath, just be yourself, watching the kids play for hours being just children. Freedom is just being you. What ever you are, who ever you are, doing what makes you be YOU, that is freedom. Even if you are locked up in a jail or a mental hospital, you can still be free. As long as your mind is thinking and your heart is able to hold on to what makes you happy, you are free.

12:18 AM - 4/1/2005 - post comment

To anyone reading this post...

WWWWOOOOWWWW!!!!!!
How loop was I? LOL!!!! Anyways I am sorry if this makes no sense and that it came out like a big fat jumble....they should really keep me away from the pain meds. Hehehe
Hugs K

Kaylbm0403 - 1:47 PM - 4/6/2005

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