My day with EX

It was such a beautiful day today, and the kids were gone so I did a crazy thing. I went and picked up Ex and just hung out with him for a little while. I know that seems like a crazy thing to do, even for myself, but I just felt the strong need to see how he was doing. Now don't get me wrong, there are no "feelings" for him other than the normal I shared a life with this man and we have children tgether. He can be a good guy but as you all know, he doesn't make an effort to do it.

Anyways, all we did really was ride around for a couple hours (and waste my gas, not complaining!) but it was good. He was real talkative so I listened to him go on about how he feels about the kids (he got them for an over-nighter this weekend) and why he didn't go to work today.
This is the part where I get to make an excuse for him. He is trying. I don't know how I know it, but I could look at him and see the love he has for the kids when he was talking about them. He is doing the best he can. He is doing the best he was taught to do. I know that is kinda saying that it isn't his fault, but I am not saying that. But he doesn't really know that much about being a father. What he does know, he learned from his father, who wasn't the best father in the world. All I am saying is you know he just needs to be taught the things like how to talk to them and how to make them important. I wish I could do that for him, but I can't.  

Anyways, as I dropped him off at his house so I could come home, he said "I love you, ya know!"?!?!?! What?????? I mean where in the hell did that come from? Well I love ya too sweetie, but not in the way you are looking at me. I love you for the look that my daughter has that looks just like you. I love you for the way I remember the funny things we got into. I even love you for the happiness i use to find in our hearts sometimes. But I am not in love with you.

I AM SORRY

2:46 PM - 4/5/2005 - post comment