Cancer Humor

Top Ten Reasons I Can't Be Sick Anymore

10. My cat and I have gotten too familiar. She has started using the toilet and I have started meowing.

9. Did you know when you are home all the time you can see pieces of dirt no one else can see?

8. Every bodily function you have chooses to dysfunction, but only when you are in public.

7. Your entire family becomes hyper-dysfunctional. Therefore, you must take care of them as well as yourself. I wonder if the psycho ward down the road has group rates

6. If you get sick, be prepared to give up your bed, as whoever comes to take care of you will find an immediate reason they cannot use your fold out couch, i.e. I can't get out of the bed, I am afraid of the cat, I am allergic to the cat, I am allergic to the material of the couch. In short, your couch has cooties.

5. Did you know that your fully functional kitchen now becomes totally ill equipped? Never mind that you are the one making the meals. My God, how did you live this long without knowing this?

4. True, your medicine says you shouldn't drive. But don't worry. You can be the designated driver and be on chemo too . . . your caretaker can wake you up . . . no problem. In the event you have a caretaker that will drive and has their own car, they will insist on driving yours just so you will never get your seats and mirrors back to the right place.

3. Be prepared for your caretaker to take over the television and the remote and sit on your bed (which is the sofa) until 3 in the morning. Your couch doesn't have cooties when they are watching TV. It's a miracle.

2. You know that book you bought to keep yourself busy so everyone else can watch television? Guess what, they need that too, to entertain themselves. Remember, you are sick, so you are entitled to no creature pleasures.

And the top reason you can't be sick . . .

1. YOU NEED TO GET LAID AFTER ALL THIS!!!!!

Ten Positive Things about Not Having Hair
- Emily Hollenberg, 4-year breast cancer survivor

10. Your hair never gets out of control.

9. You can save a lot of money on shampoo, hair cuts, perms, dye jobs and body waxing.

8. If you go to the bowling alley and there is a long wait for a lane, just put your turban on, place your bowling ball in front of you and charge for fortune reading.

7. If you walk through the airport without your wig and in your bathrobe, people will give you money. The best airport according to my sources is San Francisco.

6. The shower and the sink drains require a lot less Drano^TM. The need for rodding is completely eliminated.

5. You are happy to go to the show to see a hair-raising movie.

4. Your hair can keep your teeth company in the bathroom.

3. You can remove your hair when you weigh yourself.

2. People can see a strong resemblance between you and your new grandchild.

1. You can charge people $10 for rubbing your head. Remember when you were pregnant and total strangers would come up and pat your stomach... seriously, never talk about your hemorrhoids!!

11:29 AM - 4/22/2005 - post comment

you crazy... good crazy welcome back chickie

heh

graceandpeace - 3:45 PM - 4/22/2005

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Untitled Comment

Well, at least you didnt lose that sarcasm i have come to love! and despite the sickness you didnt forget how to laugh! you go girl!
~Blessed Be~ MisCatt

MisCatt875 - 12:40 AM - 4/23/2005

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