Crude kid jokes!!!!

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time
came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on
them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing
that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of
chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well,
the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report,
so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next
door shot himself."

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on
multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask
a few of the children examples of words with more than one
syllable.

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."

"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"

"Does anyone know another word."

"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike
instead.

"OK Mike, what is your word."

"Saturday." says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables..."

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable
word. Pick me! Pick me!"

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the
teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four
syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion."

Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow,
Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

"No Ma'am, you're thinking of 'blowjob', that's only two
syllables!"

A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to
broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their
eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine
cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.

One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers,
more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like
you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher.
Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of
cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put
honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the
children was stumped.

"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your
Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his
mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday
afternoon quickie with their ten year old son in the apartment
was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on
all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he
said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few minutes passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's
riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" The startled
father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

11:43 AM - 5/9/2005 - post comment