Mom,
 I'm tired. Really tired. I am so tired of having to pretend. Actually, I've been wanting to talk about this since forever. I don't remember the last time we really communicated, eventhough we talk everyday. Whenever I wanted to say something, I barely had the chance. Neither there was no time or everybody was always busier with other more IMPORTANT things. I've realized that I'm nobody's first priority. I don't even want to ask for that anyway. What for? I don't want to be a nagging spoiled brat. I don't want to be a burden and selfish. I'm sorry if I've been nothing more than just a disappointment to all of you. It's hard to be perfect. There's always something lacking. I know, all this time I've been accused of being childish. It's always much easier that way, isn't it?
 I never want to make people feel sad. More than twice I've thought about writing this, because I know I'll be argued heavily if I start talking. There are always excuses, reasons, and justification. (Once again), I'm the one who must be more tolerant and understanding. That's why I keep quiet most of the time. I didn't feel the use in talking. I'd always lose and become the bad guy.
 All this time, I've remained quiet because G's family have always been nice. I don't have the heart to upset Daddy who is still ailing. When Grandpa was sick, I had to keep quiet too. I also love Ganesh. I don't want him to grow up to see me fail in trying to get along with his own parents. But I can't do this alone.
 To be honest, the last time I've ever really felt close to you were when my best friend Pumpkin died and when I had to visit a doctor. Must I lose someone or get sick first in order to get you to communicate with me?
 You've never wanted to know why I'd insisted on bringing Nick home. You didn't see me cry. Nick had been the only person hugging me because of that. I was feeling lonely among the ironically familiar crowd. Ironically, he'd been the only person who understood me better back then. He'd been lonely too. Although things didn't work out between us, at least I could still be grateful that he'd been there.
 You also often complain why I come home late at night a lot. Have you ever wondered the reason behind that? I've become an insomniac workaholic. I frequent work more and sleep less. Dad and Ganesh are the only two reasons why I still want to stay. My room is the only comfort zone for me at home. That's all.
 I often wish I could forget the time when I had that nasty fever back at the restaurant. You'd preferred making some tea for healthier G after work, while I had to stagger downstairs just to make my own dinner. I remember you always asking me to be more tolerant and understanding. Yes, I want her to be happy too. She's my sister.
 But when will this ever stop?
 If I'm the only one accused for being the problem here, you'd better listen to both sides of the story. All this time I've been trying, even if it's still considered not enough and unseen. I know G's told you that I don't like him. It was and still is true, because you've always overspoiled both of them. I understood why. You just wanted her to get married soon. You got your wish. However, I hate G for being such a snitch. I've also felt disappointed with you who bought him easily without even clarifying it with me. That hurt, Mommy. Really hurt. It feels like I've lost you since then. I feel like I'm not yours at all. Now, I can't even really talk to any of you at all. I am terribly lonely. Nick has chosen Hani more and now I understand why. I don't remember the last time someone told me they loved me, so I didn't know how to show him that I did love him. Maybe that's why he left. You only told me I'd find someone else. I know you always try your best and pray for every good thing to come to the three of us.
 Once again, I don't want to ask for too much. I never want to hate anybody. I don't mind G living with all of us, especially since he's married my sister and they have Ganesh.
 I just want a little respect. That's all. All this time, I've tried to talk to G, but he just ignores me! What hurts me more is that everyone is always on his side. You always protect him and my sister. She never wants to know why I'm like this. She only demands that I talk to him more, when it's obvious that her husband hardly puts any effort to do the same to me. Is it that bloody difficult for him to talk to me, say it straight to my face if I ever do something wrong to him? AM I THAT REPULSIVE he even sees me as a hideous creature? If he has a problem with me, then why does he keep snitching at you or attacking my sister all the time? What about me, who's been suppressing this pain for the past couple of years and more in the name of nothing but pure TOLERANCE?! If this goes on, then don't be surprised if I keep refusing to talk to him more. I don't believe that younger ones must be more tolerant and obedient. Respect is earned with grace, elegance, and through good examples - not by arrogance nor force of authority. Don't you think the elders must set out good examples first before any of that?
 I miss the old you, Mom. You used to be fairer. Sorry for being a loud mouth here. I just don't want to end up like Dad - suddenly limp and unable to speak, because he's been swallowing too much 'SILENT POISON'. While I'm still able to talk...
 If this letter is just another failed attempt and I'm still considered an immature, intolerant freak - don't get me wrong that I'm more obsessed to live abroad and be on my own. All this time, I've been unable to be myself lately. I'm really tired. I'm in pain. I'm lonely.
 Mommy, please...='(

 The Author