KEEPING MY SANITY - CRASH AND BURN- JournalHome.com

KEEPING MY SANITY

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I believe that many people have reasons why they write in diaries/journals/blogs.:P Hey, I can even list some of those here pretty easy: 1."I just love writing. It's my hobby." 2.I think too much. If I don't do something really constructive and productive about it, I am afraid that my poor head will soon explode!*big evil grin* 3."I write better than I talk, and I don't feel like wasting other people's precious time listening (and waiting impatiently) to my stutterings. That's awfully embarrassing!" 4."Not everybody in the world can always accept brutal honesty. That's what I am truly aware of." 5."I feel that the world is slowly lacking sympathy.:( Still, you know what to do when nobody bothers to at least spend a little time to listen to your problems." 6."I can be my own heroine in my own storybook!";D 7.... ...and the list could go on forever. However, I'd like to sum it all up with my own reason these days: "This is my way of keeping my sanity." ......................... *big evil grin* Yes, people. That's right. I am seriously addicted to writing. This has been my therapy. You may and may not like what I write in here. That is truly up to you. Besides, I am just here to present my point of view. So, welcome to my world. The Author

CRASH AND BURN

12/24/2007

Again, I'm getting short on cash.:( But at least my family and I (plus Aunt Ria who'd showed up in Panglima Polim) and...my sister's boyfriend Gatot (:|) still got to have lunch at Fitria's in Pondok Indah yesterday. All the while, Aunt Ria was being very funny, telling jokes and funny stories to all of us until we cracked up laughing.:) She's just started her new diet program, but I could tell she was obviously still craving for food she wasn't allowed to consume for a moment. Poor lady.:P I guess she actually needs to relax and have more confidence, besides...well, food combining and exercise. (Been there, done that.:P) She also kept reminding me to consistently watch my weight.
Of course I will. Hell, yeah!:P With my recent financial situation, it won't be that difficult. You know, I'd rather eat only twice a day (skipping dinner) and save my money for books, cybercafes, and other stuff that I like. I know it's crazy, but it's true.*big evil grin*
And I also know it's not so healthy, but what else can I do these days? Well, at least I can still eat (or choose to eat), eventhough not as much as I used to.:P I mean, thank God I'm no longer a hog.
Right, this what usually happens when 'm writing with a blank emotion. this entry feels hollow, meaningless. But hey, it's already been done.*shrugs* I don't feel like deleting anything anyway.
So, what have I done so far lately? I've sent my job resumes to Dastan Books (again and again, for the umpteenth time:|), Java Jazz International Festival 2008 (my cousin Rizki said it was good money and experience) and Jakarta International Jazz Festival 2008. I've also submitted a poem and a short story (the Indonesian version of "Snapshot" that's been published in www.acwclub.com) to my favourite local magazine SPICE!
In other words, I'm way too anxious to just sit still and do nothing.:| I can't. I must do something. I've been more than aware that my family's restaurant is about to fall apart anytime soon. I know that I can't rely on it forever.:( I have no other choice but to just keep moving forward.
And I know, I'm being too hard on myself again.*sighs* I'm actually more than (mentally) tired, but I just can't stay still. Reality won't allow me to. Dad's stopped taking care of his own family long ago. Mom's often exhausted, and I'm silently worried about her health. My sister's...well, my sister.*shrugs* My brother's still in college and mostly like me, struggling just to get by.
Will next year be better for me? I seriously want it to. I'm already utterly sick of being stuck in this same old useless situation.