They say life is funny and unpredictable. You think you always know what to do until you are faced with the unexpected. It doesn’t always come from other people or other outer influences.

                Oftentimes, it can come from within – which is yourself. You. You think you really know who you are until the day you surprise yourself.

                After that, you are left with more questions than you can really answer. Who are you, really? You’re a much different person than you were before. You didn’t use to be like this.

                However, people do change – one way or another. Time and space can change them in so many ways. It’s not always bad. Sometimes it’s a good thing, a necessity.

                Some people you know who know you too have noticed those – rather drastic – changes in your life. Somehow, your father’s death has started it all. You’ve acknowledged the fact that yes, life is short. You still want to do a lot, despite so little time.

                Will you be able to do that?

                Anyway, they’ve told you how much they admire you. After your father’s funeral, you took a new job. You moved to live on your own in the central city. You see, that’s still uncommon for Indonesian young women. They always talk a lot about getting married first or moving in with your husband – or sticking with your family and all that jazz.

                Well, you’ve gone past that and become more independent now, your dream life gradually is coming true. How about giving love one more try?

                Hmm, good question. We’ll see.



In order to start this entry in a much cheerful way, I'll just begin with good news:
 I've got a new cellphone from my family for my birthday gift.:D I love it! Now I can start my artistic works with better gadgets. My old one is already a bit shattered on the screen and the battery is dying everyday. It's nice that they know what I really need.:)
 Well, I've been teaching TE every Tuesday and Thursday night at seven. It often finishes at sometime around 8:30 to nine (especially if we start a bit late.:P) By the time I'm about to go home, it's kind of hard for me to find the quickest ride home from the local public transportations around. First, most fellow teachers don't share the same destinations after that. (Sometimes I ride home with Jules in her car after work until Bintaro's intersection, and then I can continue from there with a public minivan. Jules lives in Bintaro, like Nezzie too. But these days, Jules doesn't get TE classes.)
 Second, oftentimes, the streets are much quieter after nine. Usually, it takes quite some time for me before the public minivan for my destination finally turns up.
 And sometimes, I need to go to the 'net-bar' for this and every other thing.:P I don't have the time to do that in the early morning. I have gym classes or sometimes I need to go somewhere else.
 *deep sigh*
 I can totally understand that Mom worries so much about my safety out there at night.:| In this stupid world of patriarchy, will women ever get equal respect and safety as the outdoor, late-nighters? Sadly, I'm afraid not. True, even in big cities like Jakarta.:( And I know damn well it's not really about the gender. Mom often says she trusts me. She knows I'm brave and independent enough to take care of myself. She believes I know when it's time to watch my own back and defend.
 She just doesn't trust the rest of the world out there with me. She's also more than well-aware of my temper, which can get me in trouble sometimes.
 But what can I do? I can't just drop the class and ask the principal to assign somebody else at work. And no, I won't. Hell fucking no!:x I won't even give a shit if The Stupid Bill (UU APP) can give me a hard time about it, especially since Ciputat is the corner of Tangerang. They want to allege me with prostitution charges, just because I happen to be a woman on the way home alone at night? Well, they can all go fuck themselves to death!:x I never tolerate any kind of slandering on women over petty excuses.
 Those who support such stupidity keep saying that it won't happen like that with women. Yeah, right.*rolls eyes* As if we were that stupid. These days, all the either desperate or greedy souls can (and will) do anything for (more) money. I mean, why the hell not?*sneers* The Stupid Bill can always be freely multi-interpreted as they please, depending on one's need. After all, that's the whole damn idea, right?
 Two other female teachers who share the same shift as I do also fear the same way The Stupid Bill might possibly impact them. One's planning to drop her night-class, which I totally disagree. Why? If she did, that would only mean agreeing to their partial opinion that no women deserve real respect and safety out there at night. Besides, we're just teachers - not prostitutes. Can't they tell the difference, or they're just way too dumb, blind, and ignorant to notice what's already too fucking obvious?

 The Author
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