They say life is funny and unpredictable. You think you always know what to do until you are faced with the unexpected. It doesn’t always come from other people or other outer influences.

                Oftentimes, it can come from within – which is yourself. You. You think you really know who you are until the day you surprise yourself.

                After that, you are left with more questions than you can really answer. Who are you, really? You’re a much different person than you were before. You didn’t use to be like this.

                However, people do change – one way or another. Time and space can change them in so many ways. It’s not always bad. Sometimes it’s a good thing, a necessity.

                Some people you know who know you too have noticed those – rather drastic – changes in your life. Somehow, your father’s death has started it all. You’ve acknowledged the fact that yes, life is short. You still want to do a lot, despite so little time.

                Will you be able to do that?

                Anyway, they’ve told you how much they admire you. After your father’s funeral, you took a new job. You moved to live on your own in the central city. You see, that’s still uncommon for Indonesian young women. They always talk a lot about getting married first or moving in with your husband – or sticking with your family and all that jazz.

                Well, you’ve gone past that and become more independent now, your dream life gradually is coming true. How about giving love one more try?

                Hmm, good question. We’ll see.



I forgot to mention that I visited Fitri and D in Panglima Polim last Monday afternoon, right after FCE. We talked a while before I finally returned home. Fitri said that Nezzie wanted to have fun with us after Christmas.:) Good idea.
 I wasn't tempted tp look at Grandpa's old house there.:( I guess I could understand his feelings that day. Mom said he was still adjusting to the new house in Veteran...really hard. I guess sometimes sentimentality can be much stronger than common sense.
 Why?:( Why is it still so hard to move on for some people out there? Am I one of them too - whether I realize it or not?
 Have I been walking forward while my head is still turning back? Don't we all do that - at some point? I guess it's just the law of the universe we can't really avoid. I mean, although I've already known since I started learning to read that my own language - Bahasa Indonesia - never owns it, now I know why past tense exists. Most stories are written in that form.
 Nick once asked me if I could've just 'carried' Tiger in my heart. Well, I did. In a way, I still do. I guess I always will, but it's not just for Tiger. It's also for Nick. And Joza. And Nanda too.
 In other words, it's all for the guys I've ever loved...and still. For their ability to just open the usually locked doors to my isolated castle, and their kindness too.:) I'll never forget. They just inspire me.
 Thank God, for having brought them over. This world is getting crazier by the day, but You always manage to remind me that real, good guys still exist out there.
 *deep sigh*
 Then why can't I move on, like my brother has?:| Okay, scratch that. Why does it take a very long time for me to finally do that? I know it might sound pathetic to you. I mean, look at my brother and his new girlfriend Dindi. Most of them say, it's all about your mind-setting. (Is it really true, anyway?) They all think it's just that easy. Well, maybe it is in some matters - like changing your cellphone numbers or getting a new haircut.
 *sighs* I don't know. Once again, I'm not making much sense here. Maybe I'm not as practical as I thought I was.*shrugs* Maybe they've always been right about me. I am strange. I tend to choose the hardest way out of (almost) everything in life.
 Like, for example, when I'm using a cellphone.:P (I know it's not exactly the appropriate analogy, but I just can't think of anything else right now.) While most people in Jakarta love changing cellphones when the new version comes out, I usually stick to the old one until it completely loses its entire abilities/just...dies. Then I'll bid my farewell to it as I turn to the new one. Thanks for your service and everything. It's just like that.
 There's nothing wrong with being loyal to something you believe in/someone you have true feelings for - I guess, especially if they do you good. But sadly, nothing lasts forever here. You just have to know and be ready when to let go.
 Will I ever be able to do the same thing again if it turns out that Tiger and I aren't meant for each other and that he falls for someone else? I have to, right? Just like before. As long as he's happy and not getting hurt too many times again.
 Then, what about me?
 As usual, I can only rely on God. It's all in God's Hands. The past, the present, and the future. Strengths and weaknesses.
 Well, I guess that's just all for this entry.:) So far, I'm filling up my long holiday with more reading, writing, and exercise. Good times.
 For those of you who are celebrating Christmas, may you have a peaceful one.

 The Author

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