THE REALITY SOAP: AFTER DAD'S FUNERAL

"REALISTICALLY-SPEAKING: I AM ROMANTICALLY-CHALLENGED"

I am romantically-challenged. That's nothing new and also for sure. I've been that way for too damn long, since I can't even remember when.

One of my old college friends came up with another more sophisticated term about people with my (mental? psychological?) condition - and posted it on her Facebook wall. It's called 'philophobe' - someone with the phobia for romance - or the fear of falling in love. She told me that she and I were on the same boat.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not feeling sorry for myself or anything like that. I can still be happy with my life once in a while. That's life anyway.

I'm romantically-challenged because:

1.I keep falling in love with the wrong guys.

2.I keep getting heartbroken and alone in the end. (Come to think of it, I'm getting so good at being single that I no longer remember how to let people in easily. Yes, call me difficult as you may please.)

I'm sick to death of this same, old sick cycle carousel!

Enough said.

R.

A LOST IDEALIST IN REALITY...
12/25/2008

Lately, I've been watching TV news and silently wondering:
 My country (still, I hope) accepts five different religions to be in here. Islam, Christian, Catholic, Hindu, and Buddha. Now six, with Kong Hu Chu (sp?), I guess. (If I'm not mistaken, especially since after the late former president Soeharto resigned in 1998.) As far as I (can really) remember, long before the riots in May 1998 took place, every citizen in this country had had no serious problems to pray and celebrate their religion-related special days freely. No prejudice, no harsh judgement, and no obviously pure, intense hatred on each other. We were all mere mortals anyway. No necessary fuss about the differences between us. It was all about respect and tolerance upon each other. Peace in pluralism.
 Yesterday, I watched the news about more guards being placed to protect those who wanted to celebrate Christmas openly and peacefully. There's been this constant, common fear about possible intruders/gate-crashers bringing the bombs in. I can understand that, especially with all the shits that have taken place/been going on lately. Nowhere is ever really safe anymore. Comfort zone is only illusion.
 But still, it saddens me so.:( Is this the kind of life my country's really after these days? Can we all go back to the time when we didn't have to gaze at someone's face and silently wonder if it weren't a mask for something seriously hideous underneath? Is it possible for us to return to the time when it was safe, it was okay to just reach out for someone's hand and not (have to) worry whether it was a friend's or enemy's?
 Has innocence ever really existed in the beginning? Or maybe it's also an illusion. Maybe we've all been asleep for too long, or taking too many sleeping pills that look as interesting as those colourful candies in the store.
 Maybe - once again - I'm just as naive as a gullible child, or a lost idealist within this absurd reality. But if I am so naive/gullible/whatever, then why do I still refuse to pretend that this world isn't getting crazier by the day?
 I also read the news about the decreasing numbers of foreign tourists coming to my country. Why? It's all because of The Stupid Bill (UU APP). They're afraid.
 Where the hell am I exactly? And why am I still (stuck in) here?
 *deep sigh*
 Tiger never forgets to remind me how strong I actually am. He keeps saying that I'm a good fighter.
 Tell me now, how can I not love this guy?:) These days, I need to believe that.
 And as always, so help me, God.

 The Author
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