"THE WORDPLAY WARRIOR: Writing for The Unheard Voices"



            “Your stories tend to be so dark and depressing. Why can’t you write happy ones? Are you always this gloomy in real life?”

            I get that a lot. As usual, I just want to laugh. It’s like wondering whether someone who dresses all in black all the time is always into depressing mode.

            Yes, it is true that my stories tend to be so dark and depressing. Can I still write happy ones? Of course yes. I just don’t do that very often. Let that be other people’s job. I’m sure we’ve got plenty already.

            No, I’m not always gloomy. I still know how to be happy because it’s (supposed to be) a personal choice.

            I don’t just write. I believe that I also speak on behalf of the unheard voices.


            R. (alias The Wordplay Warrior)




It's a good thing I can keep track of my daily life here. I've noticed that my emotions tend to get really negative during the end of every month. You may call it PMS or whatever the hell you like.:| I just need to make sure that this doesn't hurt anybody, including myself.
 *deep sigh*
 I don't know what was wrong with me last night.:( Come to think of it, it was pretty embarrassing. I felt so stupid. I know that if you're already (considered) a real grown-up, you're supposed to (know just how to) handle this matter elegantly/gracefully/whatever.
 Okay, it all started when Hani texted my cellphone last night. (For the record, she's my best friend and just the greatest person.:) I'm not blaming her for this or anything, because the real problem is just...me.:|) We usually keep each other posted when we don't get to see each other for real.
 Then she told me about Nick's trip to NY. To be honest, I was a bit...stunned. He simply e-mailed her that, but never told me?? I thought we usually let each other know, like we normally did back then. What happened to us? I understand that we can only be just friends, because I chose to stick to what I believe in.
 Maybe I was just being overly sensitive over nothing. But somehow, I wasn't thinking straight last night. I mean, I know that we don't talk as often as we used to. We're both busy with life. The last time we actually chatted online, the timing was always lousy. I couldn't stay long because of work. He was tired from college, studying, or working on some paper. He needed sleep. That's okay. I can totally understand that. (Been there, done that.) I can also understand that he can no longer afford the expensive long-distant phone bills, especially with the global crisis going on lately. So, he doesn't call anymore. No more texts exchanged too.
 I somehow dialled his number last night. I couldn't stop myself. After he picked up and answer with that awfully familiar "Hello?", I started freaking out and hung up quickly. God, I miss that warm, sweet voice so much.:( But I just couldn't bear to hear that. It hurt...
 So I just dropped the phone and...sobbed.:'-( I thanked God that last night was pretty dead quiet at home. By the time I was done, I looked in the mirror in my bedroom and just hated what I saw. I looked all too familiar. Same haircut, same teary-eyed, sappy look on my face...
 ...just like that morning on June 15 at the airport. It was the day I had to let him go, the day when I'd looked at him with tears in my eyes. I still remember his smoky-blue eyes and sweet smile as he said softly, "Smile."
 "I've been so stupid. I know I should've told you this sooner, "I'd stammered through my tears. "I love you."
 "I know," he'd just gently said that before hugging me close for one last time. Then he left without looking back again. Just like that.
 I've made the right decision. I chose my religion over him, and I'd simply do it again. I'm not sorry for that.
 I'm just sorry that we can't be together because of that. But I won't change my mind. It's been the hardest thing to do, although a part of me will always love him. No lie.
 I need to get away. I need to live this city to escape memories of him. Even my own room still reminds me of him despite the major re-arrangement.:(
 I also need to escape this New Year's Eve. Last NYE, he managed to call me at midnight - just to wish me a Happy New Year.
 God, help me please...:'-(

 The Author
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