"Silence is golden."

 Well, I'm sure most of us are already familiar with that phrase. We know that it means (there are times when) it's best for us to keep our mouths shut. Talk less --- or no talk at all. Listen more. After all, it's just our civil way to respect others while they're talking to us. Don't we all want to be heard? That's normal.
 Even when we feel like wanting to interrupt and share our thoughts to the other person, we must be careful. Does the other person easily feel intimidated by that? Do they even want to listen? Do they never want you to talk back? Do they believe that their wish is your command --- and you're expected to obey them all the time?

 "Is silence still golden?
  Should it be broken?"

 But what happens when it gets too much? What will we do when it becomes imbalanced? It's like, we're expected only to listen and obey, but never being heard and --- worst of all --- understood. What if they're way too powerful and selfish to see that our opinions are also important?
 And what if we silently feel that our rights have been rudely trampled on? Do we still want to keep quiet, eventhough it actually hurts?

 "If silence is (still) golden, then talking is 24-carat gold."

 If you know how to tackle this matter elegantly, then you won't end up being called just 'another big mouth'. Analyze the situations carefully. Choose your words wisely. If listening is a sign of respect for other people, then standing up for yourself is also one --- for you.
 But if they still don't listen, then that means they don't deserve any respect. After all, we're (supposed to be) equal here as human beings.

 The Author

That's it!:x I just can't stand this shit any longer. I must do something serious to put an end to this.
 I'm talking about a stalker that's been bugging me for weeks lately --- since January 27.:( Grrh! I know it was my own slight stupidity in a public place. I was sitting in a not-so-private cubicle of a cybercafe, typing my job resume --- not realizing that someone else had quietly sneaked behind my back and peeked in. I figured that was how he got my cellphone number.*blushes*
 Okay, so to shorten the story, his first text message came as utterly obnoxious --- mysterious and somewhat flirtatious, as if he was some so-called charming, harmless secret admirer wanting to get to know me. Yuck!:x Using Dad's cellphone (especially since my credit was out), I threatened him to stop bugging me and insisted that he must tell me just who the hell he was, what he wanted, and how he got my number. He replied my text, saying his name was Kurnia and he saw my number from the same cybercafe he was also in. (See?) And he said he just wanted to get to know me. (Oh, really? Yeah, right.*rolls eyes* Whatever.) Freaked out by his blunt confession, I chose to ignore him. However, he didn't take my hint. He got upset by my indifference. He tried to make me feel bad for ignoring him through his text messages. I hated that (and still do.:|) I always delete them. I still get freaked out by his missed calls. Saturday nights are the worst. These days, I'm being extra cautious with calls from random numbers, fearing it might be him.:( Once I used Dad's cellphone again to text his, pretending to be Dad by telling him to: "Leave my daughter alone!" (And Dad didn't even know a damn thing about this.) No success. That creep ended up texting my cellphone back, telling me that I hurt his feelings with my rejection. (Say what?!:O I mean, WTF?!!:x) I believe I have the rights to reject and ignore him like that. Hell, I don't even need a reason! He's the one who absolutely has no rights at all. For me, this is not just a violation but also harrassment on my privacy!!
 :(...
 *deep sigh*
 I don't know what else to do now. I mean, I can seek revenge by spreading his number all over gay chatrooms.*big evil grin* My best friend Nick suggested that I try calling my local cellphone provider to ask them to have his number permanently blocked --- so he won't be able to contact mine anymore. (Is it possible?:( I surely hope so.)
 I'm tired of this. In case you're curious, here's the stalker's number:

 62-8161139907

 Look, I haven't really decided what to do, okay? But in the meantime, you can do whatever you like with that number. I don't care.
 So go ahead, amuse me.:P

 The Author

Just yesterday morning, I witnessed a scene on the bus.
 Ten rowdy middle school boys (in their white shirts and blue trousers --- their uniforms) jumped on the bus where I was, chattering annoyingly loudly. Some of them were even smoking. Impolitely, they shouted at the bus driver to move on.
 The bus driver didn't budge. Instead, he sternly told them, "I'm not moving until all of you kids pay me first!"
 Grumbling, the boys quickly collected the fees for the bus driver. After that, the bus finally moved again until their next destination. When the boys finally got off, I felt strangely relieved. Finally, it was quiet again.
 Honestly, I didn't care much about the teenagers. I've been down their road before, when all you want to do is mostly have fun and just be as carefree as you please. However, I'm also well-aware that not all teenagers are that ignorant.
 But still, I could understand why the bus driver was tad upset and rather...prejudiced. There have been common cases in Jakarta about a group of students getting on and off the bus --- without paying. Yep, they even run off easily, giggling as if what they're doing is normal and...funny.
 Well, the moral of the story is pretty simple:
 Is it true that what we do in our everyday society here only represents ourselves as individuals --- and not more than that? That incident already gives us a crystal clear example. How a group of ignorant and irresponsible students have somehow caused an angry bus driver to easily judge/label all students as just the same. Imagine that.
 I also remember another simple example. You see, I must shamefully admit that most Indonesians are...slackers. Some people even playfully (and sometimes meanly) joke about us as the human time-stretchers, because we often --- and almost always --- show up late and literally get ourselves behind planned schedules. Work starts at eight and we show up at after ten. We always have our excuses. (In Jakarta, heavy traffic is always to blame.)
 I was genuinely surprised by my friend Mary Jo's reaction when I showed up way early to hang out with her one night. She'd said at six and that was when I came. Her comment was, "Wow, you're on time. I thought all Indonesians wouldn't show up on time."
 It's a sad thing that bad examples are more easily followed, just because we all still tend to think that it's okay, everybody else is doing it. If that is the case, then what about those who want to give the good ones to the community? Are they not (considered) part of "everybody" we are referring to? Are they not representatives enough?

 The Author

What I've been wanting badly ( but still not getting any! ) :

 1.A job.
 2.More money. (Note: I don't have to be so filthy rich like Paris Hilton, but at least it should be enough to make my parents stop fighting constantly about money and everything, pay our debts, support my writing career more, and...get me my own place, so that The Bratty Couple can have my family in that house all to themselves --- once they get married in July 6 and move in. Now, am I asking for too much here?:|)
 3.My own place to live in. (Note: without no.2 above, I won't get to have it. At all.*rolls eyes*)

 For those of you who think I'm being unrealistic, raise your hands.:(

 The Author

Again, I still feel so wasted. I've just finished reading "Marshmallow Coklat" by.Ken Terate. (And sadly, teenlits always make me want to go back to my teenage years --- eventhough they weren't as glorious as I hoped it would've been.:|)
 And I've also just watched "Heroes" on TV.:) You know, I wish I could be like that kid Micah Sanders. I could rob an ATM here.*giggles*
 *big evil grin*
 Okay, enough with that.:| Back to reality.
 I'm still looking for a job. (Well, what else is new?*rolls eyes*) Mom's been dragging The Almost Twins all around the town for building surveys for my sister's wedding with...him.:| You know who. I'm still avoiding him these days.
 The obnoxious groom-to-be.

 The Author

"Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes,
  even if it was for just one day?
  Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?
  Wouldn't it be good to be on your side?
  The grass is always greener over there.
  Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care?"

 ("WOULDN'T IT BE GOOD?" - Nik Kershaw)

 Today is just another day when I feel most unhappy being myself.:( I'm sorry. I know this sounds awfully pathetic to you, but still painfully true. How wasted can I ever really get myself these days?
 I'm still jobless, but (made) busy for other people. (How ironic is that?) The Bratty Couple's wedding will take place sometime around June or July.
 And I'm still not getting away out of here. Chained to this unwanted reality.

 The Author

This is what you can do to dodge their most annoying questions about your (still) single status:

 "Do you have a boyfriend?"
 "No."
 "Are you still looking?"
 "Hmm, not really." In other words: you're actually still looking, but NOT that desperate --- as if you must meet a certain deadline your society strictly creates.
 "Why?"
 "Why?"
 "Yeah, why?"
 "I don't know. What do you think?" Shrug your shoulders. Whether you may or may not answer, that doesn't make them come up easily with a perfect solution for your problem. Well, if being single is even really called a 'problem'.
 "If you're not even interested in looking or wanting to try, then how come you will ever get married?"
 "First things first, okay? Love, dating, and even marriage aren't exactly like racing cars!"
 "How sarcastic. But just remember: tick...tock...tick...tock..."
 "If you're referring to my biological clock, I've studied little biology in school. So thanks for your reminder."
 "How sarcastic."
 "Whatever." Roll your eyes as you may.
 "So, when?"
 "When what?"
 "When is your turn?"
 "When is my turn to what?"
 "Get married!"
 "Get married?"
 "Yes. Don't you want to?"
 "Of course." But without this stupid social pressure, please!
 "Then, why is it so hard for you to answer a very simple question?"
 "Should I?"
 "Of course."
 "Okay, here we go." Take a deep breath. "My answer is:

 a.'Soon'.
 b.'May...maybe yes, maybe no.'
 c.'Umm, when is exactly do you want?'
 d.'Well, what do you think?' "

 You may take your pick, or be more creative than me.:P

 The Author

1.If a complete stranger says they really want to get to know you, the most polite way is to do it face-to-face --- with a friendly smile, a civil attitude, and respect for personal space to keep you from feeling intimidated. Or, if it's by telephone or via e-mail address --- they must introduce themselves properly first, including informing you where they get your number and e-mail address from, and also letting you know their true intentions. As romantic as the whole idea may sound, not all secret admirers are safe. Please remember, this is not your favourite Hollywood blockbuster. If they intend on being mysterious in the first place, then you must question yourself about really trusting them.

2.If you're not feeling comfortable with them already, it's alright to back off and say no. Never feel bad about politely declining them and just moving on. For your own safety, ignorance is surely bliss. You have the right.

3.But if you're interested in finding out about them (especially if you love mystery-solving), don't do it alone. Notify your trusted friends, until you're 100% sure that the stranger you want to get to know is really safe --- even if your true intention is only to 'just' have fun. Remember to alert your local authority in case things get unexpectedly un-cool.

4.If the stranger claims that they receive your personal number and e-mail address from someone you already know, ask them to specify the name. If they won't or give you an unfamiliar one, never trust them again. But if they do, ask your mentioned friend for a valid confirmation. From there, you can tell if it's safe to acknowledge them as a new friend or not.

5.If your most polite rejection doesn't work, ignore them until they get bored. If they still have a life and call themselves 'normal', I'm sure they'll stop bugging you. But never let them make you feel bad for ignoring them. They have absolutely no rights in violating your privacy in the first place!

6.If it gets too much, you have no choice but to have to switch to a new number and e-mail address --- at least for a while until the terror stops permanently. If they still scare you in any way (like telling you they know where you live and will do horrible things to you and the people you care about), contact your local authority for further help and alert your family and friends. Make sure you also still have proofs (like un-deleted text messages and the copy of threat mails) to show them. Let the police do their job, while you might want to avoid going out alone for a while.

7.Mind your surroundings. Try not to reveal your most personal identity in public places so the strangers can also see (especially ONLINE!)

8.Know your neighbours. That way, you can get more help to watch over you.

9.Know how to self-defense is a very important bonus, because no one can always protect you 24/7.

The Author

"Surga begitu sepi
  Tapi aku ingin tetap di sini
  Karena kuingat janji-Mu, Tuhan
  Kalau aku datang dengan berjalan
  ENGKAU akan menjemputku dengan berlari-lari."

 (The heaven is so quiet
  But I still want to be here
  'Cause I remember Your promise, God
  If I come walking to You
  YOU will come running to me.)

 from:
 "Aku Bermimpi Melihat Surga" (I Dream of Seeing Heaven) by.Andrea Hirata (from "Laskar Pelangi" / The Rainbow Soldiers)

 Dearest God,
 I know that I've never really been a good girl lately.:( For that, I am truly sorry. May You always have Your mercy on me.
 Dear God,
 These days have been the hardest for me. If my father's no longer reliable as the head of my family, then why am I still jobless and useless here? Why haven't You answered my prayers yet? It's not that I haven't tried my hardest enough to get a job here. If I come running to You, will You come flying down to pick me up? I know this sounds like a faith crisis. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough. Am I asking for way too much here? Do I deserve Your priceless, yet also endless favour?
 God,
 It's been a long while since the very last time my mother and I really 'talked'.:( Ironically, I am missing her a lot --- eventhough she's still around and I can see her. What's going on here lately? I don't want to exaggerate things or have any prejudice about anybody, but I also can't pretend that everything is still okay and the same as before. I know I'm not the only one feeling this, because I've had other witnesses say the same thing.
 What have I done seriously wrong to my mother, God?:( If I have, then how come I don't know? Why won't she tell me? Why won't she even be interested in listening to me anymore? Have I been nothing more than a mere disappointment in her life? These days, her smiles and devoted attention are only for both of them.
 My sister and Gatot.:( They're going to have their engagement party on February 10, and I can't escape that day. If only he were much nicer and not treating my entire family members like fucking slaves that have to serve his needs, then I wouldn't feel this way. Of course, I won't get in their way. It's their call.
 These days, I only need a stable job for me and a place to live alone --- not under the same roof with them. But why aren't You answering my prayers? I'm sick and tired of waiting for my chances. I'm sorry, but I can't stand this anymore.
 Thank You.

 The Author

These days, there are no more clear barriers between films and commercials. A commercial can tell the story of a brand like a film does, and vice versa. Personally, I don't mind. I enjoy creativity, though.
 However, I find myself personally disturbed at a series of a commercial in my local TV stations lately. No, I'm not going to specifically name the brand. But, if you've seen it like I have, I'm sure you'll know. It's a series of commercials about a whitening lotion that promises women that they will look flawless. Get the key words? Flawless white.

 Part 1:
 A couple bid farewell to each other at an airport. The girl gives the guy one of the pair necklaces with half a heart pendant that can be joined with the other.
 Five years after, the girl is still on her own. But one day, she passes a couple by on the street. Surprisingly, it's her old boyfriend from the past. He catches her staring at him and suddenly feels familiar with her. However, the new girlfriend notices and somehow feels jealous and insecure. She drags him away from the gloomy old girlfriend.
 Realising the reason he only vaguely recognizes her, the old girlfriend looks in the mirror and tries the whitening lotion...

 - to be continued-

 Part 2:
 The guy and his new girlfriend visit a jewelry store. They're looking at the rings in the glassy counter. However, when he picks a ring for her, she suddenly lashes out and shows him another with a diamond on it. Then she storms out of the store, leaving him upset.
 Then, he visits a flower store alone. To his surprise, his long-lost ex is working there. (Of course, she's already put the lotion on so she doesn't look gloomy anymore.) The unexpected encounter surprises her too. They both smile at each other and begin a small chat merrily like old friends. After buying the flowers, he leaves. She looks so sad.
 The guy and his bitchy, materialistic girlfriend are having candle-light dinner at the fancy restaurant. It is obvious that he wants to propose her. But meanwhile, the sad ex-girlfriend at home is staring at her cellphone. Her text message is:

 "I still love you."

 Then the guy's cellphone suddenly beeps, distracting him from his thoughts.

 -to be continued-

 Part 3:
 The guy checks his cellphone and reads a message from his ex:

 "I hope you'll always be happy."

 Doubt shatters his confidence. He quickly excuses himself away, leaving his cellphone on the table and his girlfriend alone. Her eyes radiates suspicion and distaste.
 At home, the ex-girlfriend receives a hurtful reply from his cell:

 "I never want to see you again."

 She cries miserably. Heartbroken, she frantically packs her bag and dumps her old picture with him into the trash-can. Looks like she's going somewhere.
 Back at the restaurant, the bitch puts his cellphone back on the table with a deviously satisfying smile and the evil glint in her cat-like eyes. But after that, the guy is at home alone --- looking at his cellphone in dismay.

 -to be continued-

 Part 4:
 It turns out that he knows what his girlfriend's done.
 The last message is still in 'sent items'.
 Then the couple argue about it. As they pass the sad ex-girlfriend from a different escalator, he looks at her but she looks away. The bitch notices that again and slaps him in the face. It's over.
 After that, he chases after his ex at the airport. When they come face-to-face, he grabs her arm --- his sappy-looking eyes obviously begging for forgiveness and another chance. She uselessly tries to push him away, but stops as her fingers meet the familiar pendant around his neck. It's the necklace she gave him five years ago.
 She simply breaks down and cries. He takes her in his arms. All is simply forgiven and the old relationship renewed.

 -to be continued-

 So far, that's the only they've already made. Despite my genuine appreciation on their creativity, I can't help but feeling seriously irritated at the whole 'soap-opera' kind of scenes. Why?
 The key words of the bran already bugs me too much. Does being (considered) flawless only mean having picture-perfect, Snow White complexion? If a girl doesn't look as fair as your favourite princess character in a bedtime story, does that mean she has the flaws?
 Once again, patriarchy has played another fine role in degrading women and making them feel more insecure about themselves. My friend Hani said one day, "That stupid commercial is fooling women. They're describing women as pathetic characters. One's cunning and materialistic, the other's passive-submissive. And they're silently competing over one guy who can possibly be a jerk and do whatever the hell he likes with both of them. That's clearly unacceptable, because their message is crystal-clear: 'All women must always be prettier to satisfy men. If you want to be considered pretty, you have to be tall and slim, with picture-perfect fair complexion.' Gender-biased is what I see in it."
 You may think that she and I are just taking it too seriously or being overly sensitive. Sadly, there are still many women out there who seem to take it (too) lightly and unaware of the pshycological 'side effects'. It's just a commercial, they might say. Even my aunt Menti jokingly commented, "It's up to the director, not you."
 Well, hypothetically --- if I were that ex-girlfriend, I'd use the lotion and simply find another (much) better guy after that. Then I'd show him to my ex, so he'd feel sorry for having ditched me for another girl. It sounds pretty vengeful to you, but I think it'll look so much better --- like portraying more 'power' in a woman. After all, that's what most scorned women will normally do.
 But hey, maybe that's just me. In reality, I'm just an ordinary tomboy with no sheer interest in becoming a diva. Maybe I'm a sarcastic feminist too, but definitely not bitter. I know I'm not tall and slim, but my tan is perfect for tropical weather. I just want my kind to be portrayed with more respect and dignity.

 The Author

Once again, I've wanted to write something yesterday, but something else came up. I'm not going to specify the reason here, but it was enough to completely destroy my focus again. It sucks for most writers.
 Most of us are already familiar with its common name. The writer's block. Some call it 'mood swings' (and it turns out that not only women with PMS/PMT tend to have it. Ha!) It's like there's a hurricane inside our brains, shadowing our sense of creativity. Many of us say it's because we're already too busy with real life. Unfortunately, once we find our free time, we're already too exhausted from our recent activities in life. Or worse, we're caught up with our own emotional issues that --- somehow --- leave us unable to even scribble a word or two.
 "Mood swings isn't an excuse," claimed Andrea Hirata, a nationally successful Indonesian author of "Laskar Pelangi" (The Rainbow Soldiers). "Once you have your strong will, you must do all you can to maintain and nothing should ever beat that."
 Well, what if we do have our strong will, but our writings still come out...unpleasant? My best friend Tiger once complained about not being able to complete one of his musical compositions. (He's a musician.) Whenever he tried to come up with a verse, it always sounded similar to other already popular songs he knows. Those were the hardest times for him and his creativity.
 What did I tell him? Well, I suddenly remembered what I read about the band Creed. (Too bad they broke up.) Lead-singer Scott Stapp told the media that --- in order to create fresh, powerful songs --- the band always spent about three months without listening to any music. That way, they could concentrate a lot without the interference of old, familiar tunes and lyrics in their heads. I thought that was a pretty catchy advice (although still, it's easier said than done.)
 Did he really follow that advice? I don't know. I never ask again. It's all up to him. After all, I just wanted to be a helpful friend.
 Then, what about me? Perhaps, I shouldn't write this for too long now. Maintaining my energy is very important. Finding my free time without feeling too exhausted to do anything more is quite challenging these days.
 But could I stop reading and watching anything for a while, just until my new writing is successfully produced? And could I also avoid listening to soundtracks which movies I've watched before, so their old plots wouldn't alter my creativity process?
 And will it work? Good question.

 The Author

Alright, when was the last time I really wrote in here?:P I know, it's been a long time. Lately, I've hardly had time for myself. Always for other people (my family and friends). Well, that's okay, as long as I'm still productive and not lethargic.
 But still, I miss my solitude. (And I'm stealing some of my so-little-free-time these days to write in here. Hehe.) Yesterday, I bought my favourite local newspaper KOMPAS again. I'm also still catching up on Andrea Hirata's "Laskar Pelangi" (The Rainbow Soldiers). I borrowed that from Hani like, weeks ago. It's her favourite.:) I'm not surprised, because the story is really enchanting. It's actually a non-fiction, based on the author's childhood memories in a school for the poor children. Despite their very, very unfortunate situations back then, ten students (the author and his nine friends) still got to have fun and be grateful about life. Truly inspiring.:D
 Well, I also still help around in the catering business. (These days, it's still the only way for me to earn money. For now, because I'm still looking for my dream job.:|) I have tons of ideas here inside my head, waiting to be written and desperately wanting to come out --- like those little blue pixies in cages during Professor Gilderoy Lockhart's class in "Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets".*giggles* Well, I must be able to concentrate well, even when I get my quiet solitude.
 Which means, I'm not letting myself get exhausted when the day ends.:| It's pretty tough, but that's what I'm mostly doing lately.
 *deep sigh*
 Just yesterday, all my Indonesian fellows and I were shocked by the news about the death of our former second president Soeharto.:O Right after spending about 24 days in RSPP (Rumah Sakit Pusat Pertamina - Pertamina's Central Hospital), South Jakarta --- Soeharto finally passed away at 1:10 pm yesterday. He was 86 years old (1921 - 2008 --> his birthday was June 21). Multi-organ failures, the doctors had told the mass media during yesterday's press conference.
 And just today, before Zuhur prayer, he was buried next to his late wife Mrs.Tien Soeharto's tomb. The funeral took place in Astana Giri Bangun, Karanganyar, Central Java.
 Well, I don't know what to say about this. The only time I ever got to really talk to him personally (and no, I am so not kidding you all here!) was a very long time ago --- back when I was still a third-grade student. Both my parents worked in IBM, and this company ran an event to introduce fun and educative computer programs for kids. My sister and I were the players too, wearing our school uniforms to show people where we studied. I guess fate had worked in funny ways, because at that time:

 1.Mom had suggested us girls to wear the green batik shirts and green skirts for that day, but my sister preferred her regular white shirt. (In our Islamic private grade school, white shirts were for every Monday to Wednesday and Friday --- while the green batik one was only for Thursday attendances.) Mom's instinct had probably been awesome, because I looked strikingly different in it --- among the other kids in white.

 2.I was meant to play the drawing program in the computer, but another kid wanted to trade that with his 'boring' program. I didn't mind, though, because the 'health-meter' wasn't as boring as he claimed. I was more interested in it as I began typing. (Although it didn't really help me with my poor math skills, because it was also like a calculator.) I got to know people's health-issues (like how I cringed at the computer's advice for me to reduce eating "ice-cream, chocolate, and sweets" and Dad's obesity problem.*big evil grin*)

 When that event took place in TMII (Taman Mini Indonesia Indah - Indonesia's Beautiful Mini Park), Soeharto showed up with his wife and Vice President Soedarmono (and of course, a battalion of special government agents!) Surprisingly, they just passed the other kids and came straight to my corner. Thump! my heart had skipped a beat. Dad calmly told me that Mr.President wanted to try the program.
 "Okay," I'd timidly replied. Soeharto had bent down next to me and I began asking him questions according to the electronic questionnaire. I was silently surprised at my own calmness. He was also being very friendly, as if I was his own granddaughter.
 But, when I got to the age section, I hesitated for a moment. Why? Because I'd been taught that it was (considered) impolite to ask someone older than you about their age. And my childlike mind simply worried that I might've insulted The President with that question.
 Oh, well. I looked up to his friendly, smiling face with my own shy smile --- but shot the question anyway.
 "How old are you, Sir?"
 They all laughed spontaneously. I was a little embarrassed, but thankfully --- Soeharto was still smiling at me. Then he answered:
 "Sixty-eight."
 I typed the digits and pressed enter. os record came out well. He looked satisfied to see he was still considered healthy, although he wasn't exactly that athletic anymore.
 Through my innocent eyes, that was how I'd seen him.

 The Author

Actually, I've been wanting to write this since a couple of days ago. Yes, January 22nd was also my best friend Tiger's 22nd birthday. I've also planned to send him a cute e-card like the one he sent me last year on my...um, 26th birthday. (Fyi, I hate feeling old and also to be reminded of that clearly unavoidable fact!)
 However, the plan just didn't go well. As ridiculous as it may sound to you, I didn't have the time. (Of course, eventhough I'm technically still jobless now, I still help around in my family's catering business.) In the end, I just texted his cellphone, wishing him a happy birthday and that he'd grow wiser. Typical. Cliche, but at least he knew that I still remembered and cared. He replied my text message, saying thanks and hoping that we could catch up with each other's latest news soon enough. I supposed that he was still busy.
 At times, like this, I miss being alone. No, please don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean I don't need anybody else around me. We know that connecting ourselves to other people is very important. However, it's also important to have our solitary moments as well. Some of us like to call that our "me-times". It's those times when we (get to) have our break from the world, only to indulge ourselves in our favourite activities/hobbies --- or even just to relax for a while. Our religious sides also long to use such rare times (especially these days) to pray and get 'closer and more personal' to God --- completely uninterrupted by distractive mortal noises. Our solitary moments can also be good for us to truly reflect on our inner-selves --- and not just through other people's eyes.
 Some of us may say, "There's no way that I can ever really be alone. I can't live without other people." True, we still do need them. But, is it that possible for us to get stuck with them 24/7, including having to hear their endless complaints and demands for attention? I believe there are times when we just want to escape and disappear for a while, only to be able to listen to our own voices within. That doesn't necessarily mean we want to forever exclude ourselves from other people and become anti-socials. No, because we can always rejoin the crowd when we're feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and --- more importantly --- ready for the world all over again. After all, we need balance.
 Not just for today, we must remain grateful of our times with other people (especially friends and loved ones) as well as with just ourselves. Why? We can still make our solitary times feel less like lonely times by doing positive things to make ourselves (still) feel happy. Then maybe (and hopefully), we can tell ourselves, "I'm alone for now, but not lonely. This is just my temporary escapade from the world. I'll be back soon."

 The Author

My head feels overloaded today. I am thinking too much. There are so many things I badly want to do, but so little time. I can't just stay still. I'm very anxious. I must keep moving forward, no matter what.
 Hmm, let's see. How was my part-time job helping "Snowballs" with their event in Kemang a couple of days ago? Please, don't even ask.:( I sucked at the job, but maybe because it was also my very first time.*blushes* I'm not good with girly-accessories. I'm still not that good dealing with little kids. (I know patience is the key, but mine seems to be rather...thin as a paper.:|)
 I just needed the money. And I still do. (Well, just who the hell am I even trying to kid here?*rolls eyes*)
 Well, the catering orders have started again this week. I help? Of course. I'm also still looking for my dream job alone (especially since it's painfully obvious that I can't rely on Gatot's empty promise.*rolls eyes* Oh, whatever. I must still do this on my own anyway.*shrugs*)
 Tomorrow, I'm going to go to The Indian Embassy in Kuningan with Hani and Mbak Bina. Hani's looking for more information about The Arts and Cultural Scholarship they offer. Me? I'm just resting my brain for a while. I think I'm entitled to --- even for just once in a while.:P
 *deep sigh*

 The Author

Watching teen-flicks like Lindsay Lohan's "Mean Girls" truly gives me the creeps.
 That first statement might surprise some of you a bit, knowing it's not a horror movie and even when you have already watched it too. But, regarding what we've mostly seen nowadays, that sounds quite sensible and relevant.
 These days, it seems that many of us --- unconsciously or not --- are gradually drawn into a popularity contest. Although being competitive is natural for human beings, sometimes we tend to forget (or choose to ignore) that we can get things out of proportion. Like some celebrities we all know from our favourite magazines or tabloids, entertainment channels, and regular gossip sessions with our friends in school and at work. Some normally maintain their 'honourable' existence by upgrading their abilities; whether it's starring in more blockbuster movies, producing more best-selling record albums, writing and publishing best-selling novels or even autobiographies, or regularly showing up in social functions and trendy hang-out spots. Others can do something unusual and maybe rather outrageous, like; fighting with other celebrities in public, getting drunk at parties, or even (gasp!) showing the world that they forget to wear their underwears.
 Perhaps, we don't need to look that far. We may look our surroundings. Check out our own communities, whether in offices or schools. Do we spot those who are (considered) popular? What makes them so famous? Is it because how they look like and dress up? Is it what they do, like how they interact with other people? Or is it because they obviously have followers --- groupies who want to get closer and be like them? Are there those who envy them so much, and only want them down or steal their spotlight --- right there, on the centre of this stage?
 Or is it all of the above? We may point things out as we desire.
 Do we want to be famous too? (Of course, who doesn't, right?) But, what kind of popularity do we wish to achieve? There are ways to go out there. There are talent searches and reality shows on TV that give us promises for quick fame and idol status. There are paths to get us noticed. Or, we can start getting to know people around us more, joining a community, and participating in social events. It's all up to us to begin our search, our journey to fame --- but the results are always up to how they perceive us as individual characters.
 Of course, in our search, we have different purposes, specific goals to accomplish. Some of us are looking for more money (or, should we say, financial independence) and power. Some are expecting appreciation and more respect from others. Some are longing for social acceptance to cure their inner anxiety and insecurity. Some are even only longing for friendship and love to avoid feeling lonely. Some just want it all...more and more. That's alright, as long as we can still separate the difference between true popularity from just being plainly...notorious.
 But of course, there are some of us already satisfied enough by just being who they really are. They just want simple things, like doing good and being good to themselves and others. Oprah Winfrey's even said in one of her episodes that all she ever wanted was to serve other people with good intentions. After all, each of us is unique. Through hard (and decent) work comes success, but only those few who truly deserve popularity. Once again, we may pick whom as we wish.

 The Author

"How's everything in your country?"
 "Things are still pretty tense with the coming election around here. Keep me in your prayers, okay?:)"
 "Always.:)"

 Yes, Tiger.:| Always. Although I rarely show you that, I am silently worried about you. I hope you are always safe. I hope you'll return to Manchester soon to start college again.
 ..........................
 *deep sigh*
 I received that message from Tiger about a couple of days ago. Thank God.:)
 Well, how am I doing today?
 Pretty good, I guess.*shrugs* Just this morning, Dad was nonsensically pissed off about the overly-filled trash-can in our house and Mom just rolled her eyes in obvious annoyance, secretly whispering to me: "Doesn't he do anything else besides overly complaining about mundane stuff?"
 *scoffs* Yeah, Mom. I have to agree. Maybe next time I'll have my own trash-can, so he can just keep his.*rolls eyes*
 And my sister just told me this morning that Gatot still hasn't delivered my resume, because...his friend Sem Purba is still in Bangkok.:| When will he return?
 ..........................
 *sighs* Whatever. I have no more time and energy to overly fuss about it. I'm still looking for other opportunities, though.*shrugs* Keep moving forward.
 Well, thankfully...I'm going to be busy tomorrow.:P Delivering catering orders at seven in the morning and preparing myself for the next short assignment at one with the crew of "Snowballs" in Kemang, South Jakarta.
 And I am sure it's going to be a long day.

 The Author

Although my family's restaurant is officially closed, we still have our catering business to hold on to. I still help around, but am also working on my own personal goals. I'm still searching for my dream career, not just a job.
 A couple of days ago, I asked my sister's boyfriend Gatot if he had delivered my job resume to his friend --- SPICE!'s senior editor Sem Purba --- at MRA Printed Media. His answer?
 "Tomorrow."
 "Okay. Thanks." Make sure you really do it quick before someone else gets my dream job, I believe my glaring eyes had silently radiated that to his startled-deer ones. Or you can lose that tiny expectation of yours of having me act nicer to you. Besides, you've offered to help in the first place anyway.
 And I took it dead seriously.
 *big evil grin*
 Ha!:P Honestly, I kind of enjoyed that. Hehe. I also wanted to make sure that it really was his good intention, not just a boast to particularly impress Mom and my whole family even more.*scoffs* Yeah, I know he and I just don't get along since the very beginning. I admit that it's still very difficult for me to really like him like most people around me obviously do (which is why my world's been like my own personal Twilight Zone since he's around.) But I still want to be fair (and also, working in MRA Printed Media is what I truly, badly desire.:|)
 That night, Dad's relatives came to our house in Tanah Kusir, South Jakarta to celebrate Islamic New Year of Muharram. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling well. I kept sneezing and feeling all woozy. It was probably my allergy to dust.:( I'd been asleep since eight and finally woken up at eleven. I'd stuck around with my family, including my cousins Andin and Mira. We watched this horror flick on TV called "She Creature" --- starring Rufus Sewell (I saw this guy as the leading antagonist in "Bless The Child"). It was based on a mythology of mermaids (and no, they weren't as sweet-mannered and beautiful as redheaded Ariel in Walt Disney's "Little Mermaid".:P)
 Since yesterday was a public holiday, I'd decided to cut Gatot some slack. But when I told Mom today about my still unsent job resume, she just lightly said, "Relax. At least he's already told his friend there about you. I'm sure you'll get your chance."
 I hope so too, Mom. I seriously do.

 The Author

Alright, since I'm officially (still) jobless these days, I'm afraid it's going to be pretty damn hard for me to keep updating my entries as often as I usually do.:| I know it sucks, but there's really not much that I can do right now. I'm still looking for a new job, so...there.:P (Great. Now I'm starting to sound less like myself and more like someone else I know.*giggles* Don't worry, Nick. I don't mean it as a bad thing.;) Besides, you're that special, do you know that?)
 First of all, good news.:D A few days ago, I finally got to read a message from Tiger, saying he was alright. He's still in Quetta with his family and going to return to UK sometime in the middle of this month. Good for him. He thanked God he wasn't around Karachi nor Sindh when that awful tragedy took place.:|
 *deep sigh* Alhamdulillah. God, please keep protecting him from any harm.
 Last Thursday, I hung out with Hani and Mary Jo in Plaza Semanggi and Senayan City. But then, Mary Jo had to leave early, so Hani and I carried on to Plaza Senayan. We hung out until five and then grabbed an early dinner at McDonald's in Senayan Trade Centre. Then we went our separate ways.
 Just yesterday, Yuki suddenly texted my cellphone, wondering if we could meet before she'd return to Bandung. She and I ended up hanging out all day in Blok M Plaza, having a late lunch in "Es Teler 77" and just mostly roaming around. She told me about her trip to Taiwan, including her hilarious adventure with a fun, crazy American college boy named Max. (LOL!!:P) Her tale really cracked me up. Then we went to Gunung Agung Bookstore. I couldn't resist buying "Marshmallow Coklat" by.Ken Terate, a sequel from her first successful teenlit "My Friends, My Dreams".*gulps* I even told Yuki this:
 "Don't worry, I will get my new job soon after this."
 Yuki giggled. "Cool, and then you can make more money again."
 *big evil grin*
 Okay, before you start thinking that I might be a little too optimistic about my situation, let me tell you something about my past.
 Honestly, I was never really a good student. I only love art and literature (although I believe I was pretty good in social sciences as well.) In high school, I'd almost flunked twice. (And I believe I'd driven my parents crazy back then.:P) But, after struggling for a couple of years, I succeeded in my senior year and graduated on time. In college, I'd flunked two classes and had to retake those in my awfully busy senior year. Worst of all, the already (too) hectic schedules often crashed with one another. (Sadly, I even had to drop my favourite cinematography course to fix the major stuff.:|) Frustrated, I once complained to a girl who had graduated a year early: "I'm afraid I'm not going to graduate on time."
 "Of course you still can," she'd calmly told me. "It all depends on your mentality."

 The Author