Dear All,
Changes occur in the blink of an eye. Time flies in a speed of light. Before you know it, you find yourself pacing forward - or perhaps running, trying your best/hardest to keep up. Stay ahead...or get left behind. After all, 'dog-eat-dog' is still the norm here. Staying completely 'human' is the constant challenge.
I am writing for as long as I can, while I still have the time. Why? This has already been part of my life. It is what I always do, and enjoy doing.:)
For me, life is full of interesting stories to share. I see what is around me, and I write to remember each of it. Not always, but at least I try.:)
Enjoy reading, as usual.
yours truly,
R.
The wallflower is at the corner,
watching them dance
their great performance.
When is the time
for her to shine?
Song after song, she's waiting for her chance.
Still standing there,
as they waltz around without a care.
Is it really fair?
The clock is ticking.
Soon, there'll be no more songs to sing.
Does this mean her hope is fading?
"Ladies' choice?"
She's tried that more than once.
As often predicted, none ever lasts.
It's getting late.
Perhaps it's just her fate.
She's already more than tired.
Now she's turning around,
leaving things behind.
Unless someone finally sees her
as more than just a wallflower.
R.
They say love is the most beautiful thing on earth. It's what makes the whole world go round and erase all your frowns. There have been countless definitions of love, but not all of them work for everybody. It is not merely my all-time cynicism or skepticism. It's just how reality works.
At some part, I still do (want to) believe in love. Yes, I really do. I mean, if God didn't love me this much, then I wouldn't still be here today. He wouldn't give me so many second chances in life which I'm not sure I really deserve. All I have to do is be grateful for the life I've been given so far, right? We only live once. Why don't we just make the most of it - in positive ways, of course?
If my family didn't love me this much, I don't know where and how I'd be by now. Sounds overly dramatic to you? I don't think so. I've witnessed so many miracles that come simply from a mother's prayers. Why not?
How about friends? Well, I am glad that I've met so many amazing people who have put up with my craziness over the past years.:P I don't know whether they're crazy enough to keep sticking around for me - or they just have such great tolerance over my 'freakish' side. Either way, I can't thank them enough.
Romance?
Alright, there are reasons why I ended up calling myself a wallflower:
"I want to know what love is...I want you to show me..." (Foreigner)
I've always loved that song. Anyway, I have already accepted the fact that - even at this age - I know nothing about romance. Seriously. All teenage and adult life, I've been nothing more but a wallflower in the world of romance. (Sometimes I wonder if I tend to exaggerate it.)
You may think I'm pathetic, but I no longer give a damn. I am so damn good at being alone/single that a lot of people think I don't need anybody at all. Well, what can I say? That's the only way I know to survive, so far. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. Be Ms.Independent.
Should I change myself - JUST to please them or prove them wrong? No, I don't need that. I don't even want that. I only know how to be myself. If they can't stand me for that, then I'm sorry. I'm not responsible for their 24/7 happiness. I'm not that strong, generous, and stupid.
"Maybe it's the relationship that you don't believe in. I know you still believe in love," one of my very insightful best friends once told me that. Either way, I am not ashamed to say that I know nothing about romance. I know nothing about being a girlfriend, because nobody has ever really given me a chance - even when they claimed they care. Some people I know might think of me as romantic, but still...I don't think that has nothing to do with romance. After all, being a wallflower means standing at the corner - or up against the wall - and just watching the other couples dance. Enjoying the music, while admiring the view with a bit of a single's envy.
However, I am also aware that romance is more than just one slow dance. Once the song is over, what's the next step? Will you continue dancing for some more, or will you leave the floor? Will your partner stay, or do you have to part ways? Are you brave and confident enough for your solo performance?
That's just the same thing with relationships, I guess. So far, I have only been the audience to other people's drama. I don't know how to change that. All I see is that sometimes falling in love feels like being an amateur stuntman/stuntwoman. It's that leap of faith you take, not knowing whether there'll be a safety net somewhere down there. Even if there is, how strong will it be to catch your fall? Only God knows.
Do I feel lonely? Sometimes. I'm not going to be a total hypocrite about that, although I still believe that feeling alone in the crowd - especially the most familiar faces - is the worst kind of feeling.
Should I feel sad? Not really. Why would I? The only feelings I can recognize these days are these:
Cold. Distant. Displaced.
I only know the heartbreak, and the emptiness that lingers. But then again, so what?
R.
The shows were over long ago. Many have missed you so. Where did you go? The spotlight now is on others, changing faces, different figures. Still, many have thought of you better. How have you been? They've always loved to hear you sing, 'though you were barely on the covers of the magazines. This is no bedtime story. Not everyone always gets all the glory, even when you used to be the leading lady. Never again will we see someone like you, and today is the day to sing the blues. Farewell and rest in peace... R. Whitney Houston (August 9, 1963 " February 11, 2012)
So, it's two more days before Valentine's Day. It's not that I'm looking forward to it anyway. I don't even celebrate it. I'm a romantically-challenged skeptic, remember?*sneers* I'm a love cynic.
Well, if you ask me what I'm looking forward to - my answer would be seeing T again.:) Githa has told me that he'd actually arrived here last Thursday, but then he was flying again to KL with M. Hmm, sounds like it's all good to me. Githa and T are talking again. Things between T and M are going fine.
Good. At least they're all happy. At least they're not like me - the love cynic.*sneers*
So, anyway - they'll be flying back to Jakarta on Monday. After that, T will go back to work on Tuesday. If both of us are available, perhaps we could meet and hang out sometime this week. I miss him, I know, but we'll see how it goes.*shrugs*
Not much to tell about the life and times of this romantically-challenged skeptic.:P*sneers* I attended another internal workshop about "Storytelling For Children" last Friday. It was pretty cool. It brought back sweet memories.:)
I was a little disturbed by John's comment about me being more of an English/American than Indonesian. Why? We were on the same bus home that night and talking about sexual harassment that still often happens to women in this city. (How unfortunate.:|)
"I am not letting any men think that they can do whatever the hell they like with me!" I retorted angrily. I didn't even care that the other passengers looked up or seemed annoyed by me. "I have the right to feel safe wherever I am. This is my city too!"
"I've never heard any Indonesian women talk like that before," he told me, obviously looking surprised. "You sound more English or American."
What? I stared at him in disbelief. I knew that he didn't mean to sound offensive with that. (He's a nice old man and I like him.) It's just...the sad truth I'm living in.:( I mean, I know my people. Many still barely realize the importance of gender equality and human civil rights - especially the women's - to this already way too fucked up society.:(
In other words, what he said to me that Friday night sounded just like another wake-up call. The ringing keeps hurting my head.
"I'm not saying it's a bad thing," he went on, noticing my darkened expression. "It's just that...you're different. That's all. I also think it's a good thing."
"I know." I smiled at him but sighed sadly. "Well, what can I say, John? I'm quite an anomaly here."
He laughed, and so did I. However, I was also thinking really hard about one thing that night.
And I am still thinking about how to raise some serious awareness to this critical issue. Countless victims have already fallen, and more will be way too many.
Last Saturday after work, I hung out with Angie and Rafiq at PIM - until pretty late at night. We'd actually asked John to come along, but he didn't want to upset his overly jealous wife Lily. (Ouch. Poor man.:|)
The three of us had dinner at the food court. Rafiq was so hungry that he ordered Japanese food. Angie and I ate kebab. (I had extra fries.:D)
Hanging out with them was fun that night. Angie and I shared the same wicked sense of dark humour that only feminists and love cynics can really relate to. Poor Rafiq had to put up with us for the rest of the night.xD*giggles* What else could we say here?*big evil grin* Angie and I were just being very, very realistic here. We are too old to believe in stupid fairy tales.*sneers*
*deep sigh*
I know.:| My mood is always like this through the first couple of weeks this February. I keep hearing these mushy, romantic love songs that don't represent my life at all. I avoid reading and watching love tales that seem so foreign to me now. I'm sorry, I just can't stand them anymore. I hate to be reminded of all my failures in love. I don't need to be reminded of what I haven't got.
I guess I need to stop writing now before I start getting all depressed.:( Oh, well. A short break will do.:P
R.
Faces like stones.
Their cold expression.
You can see their smiles frozen.
Eyes with their icy gaze
leave you feeling out of place.
Is this one of those days?
Feeling suffocated.
Being excluded.
Once you're away, you're being talked about.
So what now?
Can't you figure it out?
In your eyes, they're just a bunch of silly cows.
Are you saying that life isn't fair?
Don't you know that's only getting you nowhere?
You can't expect anybody to always be there.
Are you still playing 'the victim card',
acting like you're falling apart,
hoping they'll mend your broken heart?
Well, guess what?
You're only wearing them out.
There are times when they don't need your black clouds.
I know this sounds mean,
but this is the real world we're in.
Being tough is the only way to win.
There are both sides to every story.
If you don't take everything too personally,
perhaps they'll take you more seriously.
I believe everyone makes a progress, but how far? How much? Is that enough?
How about mine? Career? Check. Friendship? Check. Confidence? Check.
Love?? Hmm.:| Whatever.*rolls eyes*
There are things about me these days. I don't know if they can be called part of my 'progress', but hopefully they are:
1.I'm more productive in my writings lately, despite how busy I am.:D YAY!
2.I still have my dark, wicked sense of humour after all this time.:P Isn't that good? I need that to help me to get by sometimes. I have been many, and I guess I will always be. I am The Single Brown Female and The Quirky Bachelorette.:P
And I am still The Romantically-Challenged Skeptic.*big evil grin* I am not sad about it, just being plain sarcastic. So what? It's a fact anyway.*sneers*
Alright, perhaps that wasn't really a progress.*giggles* Anyway, carry on:
3.I am the girl whom you can call late at night and talk for hours about your problems. (But please, don't send me your phone bills after that, because I'm not paying anything.:P)
Or, if you want, we can talk over coffee. When you open up, I can barely say a word. I may not always have the advice or solution to your problems, but at least I listen. That's the least I can do.
And, if after that you want to come back to your boyfriends/girlfriends as if you've never argued with them and just forget about me, then that's fine too.*shrugs* Some guys tend to do that a lot.
Something my friend Githa told me the other day still amazes me. You see, Hevi and Dewi (the girls I've known back at that school in Panglima Polim, when I was still working there) have already known T for a couple of years. Then came Nany and Novel. Githa said she'd only known T for a year, because another former teacher there named Chris has been a friend of both of them (Githa and T) as well.
Me? Very recently. I mean, I've already seen T for a couple of years too, but we started getting close at the second year. Throughout the first, we'd only greeted each other briefly and made small talks in those short mornings before our ten o'clock classes - or thrown some comments and jokes on each other's FB walls.
The funny thing was, we started getting close after he'd falsely assumed that I was a...dyke.xD LOL! I wasn't upset, but I often teased him a lot about that back then - quite mercilessly.
Okay, I miss him - but he's flying here today.:D It's February 9 now.
Anyway, once I asked Githa why T has trusted me enough with his past 'scars'. This is what she said:
"Maybe it's because you're not judgmental or nosy. You know, not everybody in the world - especially here, can accept him for 'the way he is'."
I see. With him being a nice guy, that makes it even much easier for me.:)
Or maybe I've learned my past lessons.*shrugs* That's all.;)
R.
She was frantically searching in the medicine cabinet
on one quiet night.
She couldn't find what she was dying to get.
It wasn't there, and it wasn't right.
Mother woke up to comfort her,
but why didn't it make her feel better?
Mother asked her,"What are you looking for? Why is it so hard?"
Through her angry tears, her daughter snapped,"I can't find any cure for my broken heart!"
R.
Evanescence is performing here in Jakarta on February 25, but my brother still hasn't bought our tickets yet. I'm getting edgy. When? I know I sound obsessive about this, but I always like to get ahead. You know, first things first. The sooner you do this, the better. Prioritize well.
Well, that's just me, I guess.*shrugs* That's why some people say I'm not exactly a normal Indonesian.:P Even my American friends think so too. For example, if my class starts at eleven, then I will show up two hours before - mostly to prepare and then relax a bit. Why? I guess I'm not that good dealing with last minutes' surprises.
T's flying back to Jakarta tomorrow, and I can't wait to see him again. YAY!:D I hope he's doing well. I have missed him so much, but I don't want to sound all spoiled and demanding for his attention soon. He's already like a big brother to me, but I still can tell when he needs his space. That's why I don't ask a lot of questions. I have only told him to just take all the time he needs and try not to get stressed out. That's it. If he wants to hang out with me again or talk, he knows where to find me. All he has to do is ask.
R.
Once I gave you the signs
that not everything was fine.
The same still happen too many times.
More than once I tried to tell you
this has been more than just my 'nonsensical blues'.
Still, you didn't get a clue.
All those years, I felt like talking to a wall.
Every word I said bounced back like a ball.
When would you get that wake-up call?
So I drifted away,
pretending everything was okay.
What else could I say?
Now you want me to hear you out,
when I've already guessed what it's all about.
What?
It is time that you realized
there is only one way out of this:
Face the music.
Deal with it.
R.
I don't know why I had that nightmare last night. The logical ones might tell me that must have come from exhaustion. I came home from work at sometime after nine last night.
Plus, I still have essays to correct and mark.:|
That dream was vivid. I was hanging out with T and friends, but only saw him and his best friend Githa. (Or maybe it was only them I hung out with in my dream. Maybe it was just a sign that I was missing them and worried about them at the same time.)
There were people around. Suddenly, there was this strange guy who came up to him and spat out the hateful word to his face:
"Faggot."
Then he walked out. I didn't know why. The guy's face was blurred, but I could still see that obvious look in his eyes. They were dark, full of pure, intense hatred.
I wanted to run after him, but T quickly grabbed me by the arm. His grip was warm but firm at the same time. I looked up at him and he smiled warmly at me, shaking his head slowly.
"Don't," he said softly. "It's just not worth it."
He reminded me of my dead college best friend Pumpkin a bit. Pumpkin had been like that too with his bullies in the past.:|
Then the scene changed abruptly, almost like in a movie. It was much darker now around us. Were we at the end of the day? I wasn't sure. All I saw was T sitting there in front of me, all banged-up, black and blue in the face. He had a black eye and bruised cheeks. He looked pretty distraught and battered. Githa was there too, treating his wounds in silence.
"Who did this to you?" I asked him, carefully touching his chin. He tried to look away, but I made him gaze back at me again. His beautiful dark eyes were gleaming as they looked down. I drew in a sharp breath. I felt a painful knot in my chest.
Oh, no. He's going to cry.:(
"Who was it?" I demanded, my voice rising. "Abang*, look at me. Who? You know it hurts me seeing you like this."
He was still unusually rigid and quiet. I turned my eyes to Githa. She refused to meet my gaze, but her expression gave a bit away. It was like, she knew something but just wouldn't tell me.
"Bang," I pleaded, looking back at T. He was already crying silently now. "Please, tell me who did this to you."
He shook his head. I started shaking his shoulders with growing impatience, fearing my anger would hurt him worse. Githa was still there too, watching but didn't do anything to stop me.
"Who did this?!" I was screaming now. "Who was it?! Tell me! Who did this to you?!"
He was still crying, but I couldn't stop. Then my mind began to realize that it was just a dream, knowing that I would never really want to do such thing to him in real life. I closed my eyes and silently begged:
I know it's a dream. I know it's just a dream. Wake me up. Oh, please. God, wake me up. I can't stand this anymore...
When I finally woke up in my room this morning, I felt myself growing cold all over. I was shaking. I stared at the mirror, and a tear-stained face was staring back at me.
Just a dream, I had to tell myself. It was just a dream. He's going to be just fine. Sssh...
R.
*Abang: 'big brother'.
Dear All,
Changes occur in the blink of an eye. Time flies in a speed of light. Before you know it, you find yourself pacing forward - or perhaps running, trying your best/hardest to keep up. Stay ahead...or get left behind. After all, 'dog-eat-dog' is still the norm here. Staying completely 'human' is the constant challenge.
I am writing for as long as I can, while I still have the time. Why? This has already been part of my life. It is what I always do, and enjoy doing.:)
For me, life is full of interesting stories to share. I see what is around me, and I write to remember each of it. Not always, but at least I try.:)
Enjoy reading, as usual.
yours truly,
R.
Let me know when you're in town.
It's been a long time since you were around.
How have you been lately?
Are you happy?
Let me know when you're back in town.
I hope you don't show up with a frown.
You know it's been a while
since I last saw your lovely smile.
Worry not, for I am not that hard to find.
Send me a signal, give me a sign.
No need for you to be a tracker,
as long as you still have my number.
So let me know, once you are really in this town.
I hope no one's bringing you down
when all I ever want to do is cheer you up.
I don't mind doing that job!
You've been a silent observer,
sitting there at the corner.
Some may notice you there,
as others waltz by without a care.
Aren't you the lovely audience,
patiently waiting with your fixed glance?
There are times when your eyes are weary,
yet you remain alert completely.
Real life is the movie,
an endless drama for us to see.
Multiplots entangled,
controversy overload.
Are you still on your seat?
Are you already on your feet?
Have you picked a side,
or can't you even tell which one is right?
Confusing?
Wait, there's more to bring.
How do you know that you're still an audience?
What if the next scene is your possible chance to shine?
Are you ready?
Come on, every girl can be the leading lady.
Perhaps you are also the real thing
which will make this show more than interesting.
Still, you need to be careful.
The competition on stage can be tight and awful.
They can stay plastic, but you must remain true.
As far as I am concerned, that is the only thing you should do!
The Author/QB
Do your eyes turn green
everytime I pass you by?
You only rely on what you've barely seen
as you keep on spreading lies.
Well, what do you know?
Should I feel honoured to be your favourite show?
Looks can deceive.
You can choose whatever you'd like to believe.
I don't get your envy
when all I do is just be me.
Well, what do you know?
Are you trying to make me feel low?
It's not my problem if you feel unhappy.
I'm not responsible for your pathetic negativity.
It's my life you've been poking.
Stop being so bloody mean.
Well, what do you know?
You think you always do,
but you never have a clue.
The Author/QB
There are two things I've been looking forward to in the near future:
1.Evanescence's concert:
Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen!:D Amy Lee and the boys are coming to my hometown to perform on February 25 in PRJ - Kemayoran, North Jakarta. I'm going there with my brother and his friends after work.
My brother said he was going to buy our tickets this Friday, so I gave him my money last night.
I don't know if M's going to go either. I remember that he attended Linkin Park's concert and Anggun's last year. I figured he loved concerts too.
I'd like to ask him about this one too, but I'm not pretty sure. I mean, M and I aren't that close. We've only met once that Thursday night at Shisha Cafe before T's departure to Aussie for holiday. I know that - technically - T and M are still an item.
Speaking of them, this leads to another thing I'm looking forward to in the near future:
2.T's return to Jakarta:
He's already put a notice on his FB wall. He's flying back here on February 9.:D YAY!
Out of the blue, we chatted online last night. Not much to say, but I got the impression that he's been dying to tell me something more important - but he asked me to wait until he was really here. Okay.*shrugs*
As usual, I only asked him to take it easy, take all the time he needed, and try not to get stressed-out. He thanked me for that.:)
Githa also called me last night. I know that things haven't gone that well between her and T lately. I hope the two of them can patch things up when T gets back. I mean, they've already known each other longer before I even entered the picture. It shouldn't be that hard to bring them back together like before, should it?
Where do we all go from here? What's next?
We'll see...
The Author/QB
(The Love Song Destroyer's Blues)
What is going on, my child?
There is something you have been trying to hide.
The songs you listen to are no longer the same.
You keep telling me it is nothing but a game.
What's been happening, my girl?
Where is the cheerful teenager?
You used to believe in those beautiful love songs.
Now you're telling me they all sound so wrong.
"Nothing," you always answer flatly.
It's just how you deal with reality.
You say we all grow up and apart.
Sometimes it's hard to avoid a broken heart.
So, what are your favourite songs today?
"Anything but love songs, please," you say.
"I need to stay awake,
just for my own sake!"
The Author/QB
I know, I know.:P I have practically 'disappeared' for a week from here. 'Mari' has been right all along. GITE had taken most of our free time last week. I had no other chance neither will to do anything else. My mind was completely on it.
A lot happened last week. I am not sure if I can recap all completely, but - as usual - I am going to try. All I know is that we have learned a lot in a week.
Tuesday was the very first day. I must say that I was pretty glad that 'Goddess M' herself was our trainer. She could help me more, since we work in the same branch school in Kuningan.
And indeed she has.:) She has already told me that I know where to find her when I need more help. (Personally, I think she has to apply for that AcTL position at work - because I believe she is really that good.)
Wednesday was a serious wake-up call for me. I think it is about time that I started taking up more foreign language lessons (or perhaps re-learning the ones I have already forgotten. Arabic or Spanish? Both?? Some more???)
What was very annoying last week was that I had had a seriously painful migraine for three days straight! No, I was not joking. One of the trainers there even suggested that I put my shades on the entire time, just in case the migraine might have come from my eyes being photosensitive.
Desperate to find a quick cure, I took that advice.:P So there was I, playing a bad parody of Stevie Wonder indoor - under the lights.
The GITE training ended on Saturday. It was also the day that I had finally signed my first one-year contract there as a part-time teacher.
After that, we hung out with 'Goddess M', another senior teacher named Oke, and Hetty the finance staff for a fun, karaoke night nearby.:D
The Author/QB
Close your eyes.
The sight is too much to bear.
Don't cover your ears.
You still need to hear.
Nobody says it's easy,
yet this is still reality.
You may wonder why
they all had to die.
It only took one night,
an intoxicated driver in a speeding car
to get this far -
sending nine lives out of sight...
http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2012/01/23/car-crash-victim-s-father-wants-maximum-punishment.html
http://www.ketiksaja.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/7kBISMpZqZ.jpg
First of all, Happy Chinese New Years to all of you who are celebrating it today.:D
So, this is also my last holiday before my GITE week. No problem.:) I'm still having fun anyway, eventhough I'm mostly all alone.:P I guess that's the advantage of being a freelance writer. You get used to solitude and know how to make a good use of it - so you don't feel (too) lonely. It's all good.:)
I chatted with my good friend Githa again last night. She asked me about 'our brother' T, and I told her I hadn't really spoken to him again yet. Neither had she. Of course, again we both hope that he'll be alright.
I think he is.:) At least that's the impression I get from his pics on FB.
Speaking of FB, we were also laughing at our colleague Novel's FB status last night.xD*big evil grin* That childish girl complained about getting rejected online after she tried adding a few strangers to her list, only because they didn't know her and didn't want her to. Well, what can I say?:P Deal with it. That's just how (real) life is. What a dork!*rolls eyes and sneers* I mean, that girl should know that she's not all that.
*deep sigh*
Okay, sorry if I sound like a total bitch about her.:| I know how she's treated Githa and she has also insulted me once. Back when I was still at Panglima Polim, I once heard her complain about lack of money at the end of the month. In the name of empathy, I told her: "Yeah, I know the feeling." (I mean, that was what normally happened to everybody there.:P Come to think of it, why the fuss anyway?)
Do you know what she did after that? She stared at me with her "What-the-hell-do-you-know-about-it?" attitude and sort of retorted:
"But you're still living with your parents."
I was taken aback at that. Whoa! So that's what you'd get for trying to be empathic. I mean, what's wrong with that? What's with the superiority bullshit about living on your own? Everyone has their reasons.
I just stared back at her and she sensed my annoyance. She squirmed uncomfortably.
"Uh, did I just insult you?"
"No," I replied calmy...and rather flatly too. Then I gave her the bomb: "My dad has a stroke."
She went pale with shock. Then a flush of redness swarmed over her cheeks with embarrassment.
"Oh, my God," she breathed. "I didn't know that. I'm so sorry."
Sure, sure.*rolls eyes* I know she wasn't being sincere about it, but I just let that slide. Not long after that, I only told Githa not to mind her so much. She's just a silly cow, often opening her big mouth without thinking first. Like the time she posted such a horrid FB status that says: "You can't be best friends without insulting each other.:)"
Ha-ha.*sneers* After that, I won't be too surprised if her friends might gradually disappear (unless those who share her sick idea of 'friendship'.)
That's why I believe Githa's stories about her being such a bitch to her, making fun of her looks and acting like she's much better - like, prettier and richer - than Githa. Ha! She has no idea what Githa has been through in her life, yet she never shows any sign of weakness or pathetic attempt at seeking for sympathy. It was hard for her, and I admire her courage and endurance. She speaks three languages (Indonesian, English, and Dutch) and never even bothers to show off or brag about it.
If T prefers hanging out with Githa a lot more than those other girls, then I'm not too surprised. (Dewi is out of the question, because she's already married and also the most mature and graceful among us.:D) And I also know that those girls can't stand me either, even before Githa told me that.
*sighs* Oh, well. Seriously, those girls need to grow up. (Except Githa and Dewi.) I mean, there are so many, more important stuff than just movies, fashion, boyfriends...
Ugh.
The Author/QB
Can I be your version of 'normal'?
Sorry that you don't see me as a regular girl.
The kind that fits your requirements,
or the type that meets your expectations.
Should I be your version of 'normal',
or why don't you just let me be me?
I know I'm not your ideal of a 'typical beauty',
or what you think a 'real woman' should be.
Do I have to be your version of 'normal'?
Does that even sound 'reasonable'?
You wish for me to be somebody else,
just to put your insecurity to rest.
Wait, why should I?
Why the hell would I?
I'm not sorry for being me.
Too bad that doesn't make you happy.
It's a shame.
You refuse to accept me for who I am,
yet you insist that I should understand
that a man like you cannot be changed.
Can I be your version of 'normal'?
Well, even if I could, that would be terrible.
I'm not trading my sanity
only to get you to like me.
Oh, what a horrid idea!
My answer to your demands is:'NO!'
Now it's time for you to go.
The Author/QB