Thursday, January 5, 2006 - Confused

He came back tonight. JC instant messaged me right as I was logging off from work to come home. He said he wanted to talk, to mend broken fences. I reluctantly told him if he stayed online long enough for me to get home, I would talk to him. To my suprise, not only did he wait the amount of time I *promised* him I would be there by, but I got a ticket for running a red light right in front of a cop. I sware I was such an emotional mess, I never saw it. Thank Gawd he let me off with a warning. But it added a good 10 minutes to my time. But there he was waiting for me. We just logged off instant messanger after a 2 hour chat, but I need to unwind before I got to sleep for 2 hours before my son wakes up.

He confessed to all of his lies. He told me he understands he needs to earn back any trust he might get from me. He sounded sincere every step of the way. He said all the right things to me tonight. I made him promise to call me tomorrow. Well see if he follows through or not.  Either way I feel like the stupid little girl despirate for the popular guys attention. So much so that shes willing to wait patiently as he runs off and does his thing, only to come back to her waiting arms until the next time something better comes along. I pray I'm not that person.

We've been through a lot together, he told me he considers me his best friend. He wants that back. We'll see. We had one night together that was insanely memorable for both of us. I think it's the closest thing I've ever come to true, pure love.  I believe deep down that he's my soul mate. The one man I was meant to be with. I also think it's just not our time. He's married, allbeit a very unhappy one, hes not willing to leave it right now. And I love my husband dearly and don't ever want to seperate our family, I don't ever want my son to be a priduct of divorce. But I know JC and I are very healt concious people and gawd knows DH is not. I can't help but wonder. Will we ever be together. Will we find ourselves in our 50s, or 60s widdowed or divorced and finally have our time together? Or will I spend the rest of my life chasing the popular guy?

Confused,
Scarlet
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