Thursday, September 7, 2006 - Secrets...
Im  tired of it all.
Im tired of looking for what Im not getting.
Im tired of waiting for somoene who can't be there.
Im tired of waiting for my husband to be what I need him to be.
Im tired of sneaking around...I don't want to do it...I hate it.


Im tired of never feeling like Im truely wanted.
Im tired of loving someone who doesn't love me back.
Im tired of the depression
Im tired of being stuck

But Im afraid...
Im afraid of being alone
Im afraid of not having someone by my side
Im afraid Ill never know what its like to truely feel passion
Im afraid ive settled for less because I didn't think I was worthy
Im afraid of loosing everything Ive worked so hard for
Im afraid of losing my family I love so dearly
Im afraid to tell him how i feel yet again
Im afraid of hurting him

It makes me hate...
I hate myself for what im doing
I hate my life for what Ive made of it
I hate my husband for not listening and trying
I hate  my situation...im never happy
I hate that Im risking my childrens stability
I hate that I have lost all ambition
I hate that I was not strong enough to prevent this
I hate that Im not stong enough to stop it
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