Wednesday, August 17, 2005 - Found

Sometimes I just need some time away, some time to think. Last night I slept well, fantasies of a gorgeous mystery man swirling in my head. 500 I wake up for no reason. I can't sleep. Gawd I hate this! I might as well get up and move around for a bit rather than lie here fighting with myself.  So I sit on the back patio under the beautiful night sky. I hardly noticed almost 45 minutes had passed. The quiet night was so calming. The smell of the wet air, it feels so heavy on my skin, but it feels so good. I love the night. I feel so calm, my mind feels right in my body. I can think and clear my head of what's bothering it.

I know I'm home. I'm just a very selfish person. I want what I want when I want it. It doesn't matter if I already have one, I will want another. I live for my own pleasure and gratification. It doesn't matter what anyone else says either. I diserve what I want. I usually get my way too, at times to the sacrifice of other parts of my life or people in it. I think I've learned some pretty harsh lessons about the way I am, but it hasn't stopped me. I'm still a selfish bitch, and I now know that. Im an arrogant bitch! ~Patric I hope youre reading this~ I've tried to PC it up, but I dont think making it pretty fits me. Especially since anything PC, even the initials PC themselves pretty much piss me off. I don't know why sometimes I try to be what I'm not. I have no intention of trying to impress anyone else. I'm me, take it or leave it, but I do things thinking I can change who I am, I don't know why! I like me just the way I am. I'm a selfish, arrogant bitch who lives her life for no one else but herself, and apparently spends way to much time talking in the third person.

So where does this leave me? I'm not changing for anyone or anything; and I still have this burning desire.  Something the man I consider closest to me can't seem to fufill my desires, not by any fault of his own. Do I cheat on him? I don't want to lose what I have. Do I live the rest of my life in miserable silence? Thats not who I am. I guess I'll have to give it some time and see what happens. I have to get away this weekend and have some time to myself. I think I'll head out to the lake with some friends and a bottle of Jack and contemplate life. If I'm not here to post Sunday night, check the news for the drunk chick that drown in the lake!

Scarlet
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Thursday, August 18, 2005 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Patric
Girl you know who you are, what you like, what you want, but I'm gonna be blunt witcha. These desires will not abate no matter where you go, no matter how you get there or how long you stay, no matter who you fuck, I don't care if he looks like Adonis, uncoils his dick from his thigh, eats your pussy with his Gene Simmons tongue, leaves you so spent you can't walk........there will always be another catching your eye and the cycle goes on. And though you may think you just can't stand living in the world you are in now, when life winds down and your old and gray, the memories that will linger most will be the ones that have nothing to do with human nakedness.

You've become a friend, I love the world you create for us all to enjoy from time to time, but if you want me around babe, I'm gonna give it to you straight sometimes. And I ain't talkin about my cock......it curves a little upward......Love&Kisses

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