Tuesday, February 7, 2006 - The first song that ever made me think of JC
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You make me wanna

Usher

 

 

This is what you do
This is what you do
This is what you do

Chorus
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationshipwith you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one Im with
Start a new realtionship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me

(Verse1)

Before anything came between us
You were like my bestfriend
The one I used to run to when me and my
Girl was having problems (thats right)
You used to say it would be okay
Suggest little nice things I should do
And when I come home at night and lay my head down
Sll I seem to think about is you
And how you make me wanna

(Chorus
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new realtionship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me

(Verse2)

Now what's bad
Is your'e the one that hooked us up
Knowing it should've been you
What's sad is I love her but I'm falling for you
What should I do
Should I
Tell my baby bye-bye
Should I
Do exactly what I feel inside
Cause I
I don't wanna go
Don't need to stay
But I really need to get it together

Chorus
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with (oh baby)
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with (oh baby)
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me

(Verse 3)

At this point
The situation's out of control
I never meant to hurt her but I
Gotta let her go
And if she may not understand it
Why all of this is going on
I tried
I tried to fight it but the feelings just to strong

You make me wanna wanna
You make me wanna

Chorus
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and the things that come along with
You make me
You make me

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Tuesday, February 7, 2006 - I have never needed my blog so much and it wasnt here! *ghasp* Thank gawd its back up!
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OMG!!!!! I NEEEDED to blog SOOOO bad this weekend and wouldnt you know it! As soon as Im despirate to get everything out it fuckin goes down! Thats always my luck! Crap I hope I can remember everything.

Kso it started Saturday when I was making some deliveries and Karlie text messages me chewing my ass for something she thought I had said to JC. Let me go back. In October when JC was being a dick to both me and Karlie. Apparently he went to Karlie first to try to appologise for his behavior and she said she accepted his appology but acted more like she was having non of it. She ignored him and basically took everything he said and threw it in my face like "look he cares about me more". Well anyhow he decided she wasn't worth his time and dropped her as a friend. Jan 14 he came to me to appologise and I did give him another chance. Well  it was killing her with jealousy that jc and I had worked things out and she had choose not to, so gave a half ass try every now and again to get back in his good graces. This didn't blow over too well with him and lead to the argument Saturday morning that I got drug into the middle  So Saturday went into this huge clusterfuck of text messages, emails and celphone calls between the three of us. I went out Saturday night and apparently missed where they had had another blowout and JC got shiface fuckin drunk.  I was at the bars getting pretty shitty myself. I get home and check my email and I think I had 12 emails from him, everything from dialogue from their conversation to a despirate email telling me hes going to call me. So I log into AIM and hes on, I IM him to ask whats going on (I can tell hes drunk emailing) and his IM is all but decipherable. he keeps repeating that he needs to talk to me and whats my number. Wow hes drunk! He knows my number! So after giving it to him 3 times he finally calls. He's making NO SENSE!!!! Wow his military trainging shoes through, he wont talk to me until i give him my maiden name and my previous married name. Then he keeps going on about green and white, greena nd white. FINALLY he starts to sober up and making sense, but thats when he just breaks down emotionally. He goes in for 45 minutes about "go back to 1999. Go back and pretend thats where we are. Just stay there with me. And  he starts telling me details  about being together. He tells me about the night we were together at my parents house and starts describing how he made love to me.  Crap! I didn't think he was capable of  putting thoes words together in a sentance! he goes on about  us sitting on my bed in my appartment looking out my window. He tells me how nervous he was with me sitting on his lap. Finally he starts to describe me taking him home the morning after the last time we were together. He remembers this kindof weird nervous glance at each other. He remembers  walking up to the door and turning back and  I about died when he was able to describe my eyes. Down to the color. He talked about  watching me drive away. I sware a couple of times he was bordering on telling me he loves me then he'd studder back and tell me hes happy he can trust me and Mark and I are his only true friends.  Finally the shit hit the fan when he started sobbing uncontrolably and his wife walked in the room and took the phone from him. I wish I would have had the presence of mind to just hang up, but no I had to be drunk and cocky and start fussing with her!  I don't know if I made things worse for him or not, but I can imagine how shes feeling. She knows hes fucked other women since theyve been married, he fessed up to that, but I think she still thought she had an emotional bond with him. Then she walks in and finds some other woman comforting HER husband on the phone. I know how upset I'd be. She has pretty much lost her only hold on him. So, he says now she's ultra clingy and he has absolutely no space. I tried to explain what her perspective probably was, but he didn't seem very interested in giving his marriage a chance. I don't think he loved her to begin with.  I really think  he has no concept of love. His father was never around growing up, he died when he was very very young and his mother was very hard on him growing up. Im sure she meants well, thinking  if she was tough on him hed grow up a better person. Hes a fantastic person and I would trust him with anything, but he never gained a concept of love and what is acceptable. I believe he doesn't love himself so he looks for sexual attention to feel valuable. He goes to the gym every day and keeps extremely fit. Physically hes as close to perfect as I could ever ask for.  But mentally, hes a mess. I dont think  his military training helped him much emotionally. It took the suck it up. conquer women, be a man, king of the cock attiitude and  multiplied it. Hes got so much pride most of the time hed rather walk away than appologise. Hed rather cheat on his wife than try to be happy with himself. In any event I think somehow even though I say my life is a cruel joke the way I can have him in my life but not be with him. In this instance I kindof think of that Garth Brooks song Unanswered Prayers. Only in my case he, if he exists, he is keeping me away from him until the time is right for us to be together.  Rather than me praying to stay with the wrong person, hes keeping the right one away from me until we're ready to be together.
Wow this post is a mess. Oh well, I do it for me not for everyone else. If people read this than that's fine.
Anyhow, after his wife got him off the phone I emailed him to tell him to let me know how he was doing. We talked twice the next day and twice yesterday. Yesterday I KNOW he was sober and he still had a really open converstaion with me. I wish I could list it here but I don't want to list screen names on here.    Im completely freaking out here though. Hes told me exactly what my eyes look like, he has been able to tell me and spell correctly my maiden name, NO ONE can do that, not even my husband. The closest hes come to giving me a true idea about his feelings was a comment he made about how hes just happy that at the end of the night when its dark and he shuts off his light he knows I have DH next to me to love me and grow old with me and that makes him feel better and that he doesn't want to interfier with my marriage.

Gawdayumn! I love him. I hate this. I hate waiting for him. Ive waited 10 years and 2 husbands to be with him. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this.  I understand it's all for the best. I have wanted to be a mommy my whole life and he doesnt want kids. He has some emotional stuff to work through that hes not ready to be committed. I know there are reasons for us not being together, but I sware I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. No one can prove their feelings for me without telling me they love me over and over. I know how he feels without shoving "I love you" down my throat. I know from expierence when I hear that I tend to run screaming in the other direction.  I wish i could just have him hold me again like he did that night when he made love to me. I was so unbreakable, so safe.

Hopelessly in love
Scarlet


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Tuesday, February 7, 2006 - My song to JC
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Bring Me to Life
Evanessence Feat. Paul McCoy

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where Ive become so numb.
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.

(wake me up)
wake me up inside
(I cant wake up)
wake me up inside
(save me)

call my name and sace me from the dark
(wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(i cant wake up)
Before I come undone
(save me)
save me from the nothing Ive become

Now that I know what I'm without
you cant just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(wake me up)
wake me up inside
(I cant wake up)
Wake me up inside
(save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(i cant wake up)
before i come undone
(save me)
Save me from the nothing Ive become

Bring me to life
(Ive been living a lie, theres nothing inside)
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch without your love darline only you are the life among the dead

All this time I cant believe I could see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
Ive been sleeping a thousand years is seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
dont let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(i cant wake up)
Wake me up inside
(save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(i cant wake up)
before i come undone
(save me)
save me from the mothing Ive become

(bring me to life)
I've been living a lie, theres nothing inside
(bring me to life)



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Monday, January 30, 2006 - Its a cruel world, no one said things would be fair!
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I think I'm obsessed! Hell I know I'm obsessed. I'm completely and totally addicted to a man, that I'm sure is my soulmate, and I can't have him! I know this is totally a recurring rant in my blog, but I love him and can't express myself to anyone, including him. He's such a military man. Very stone cold. Very hard assed. He is deliberate in all of his actions. Therefore, we understand how we feel about each other, but don't discuss it because it won't do either of us any good to become over emotional over something that can not be. Which, I agree, and is completely valid, but I need to vent somewhere and here is that somewhere. I have no doubt in my mind he feels the same way. There are always little hints in his messages about how he feels. I believe him because he has no reason to lead me on if his feelings arent sincere. We've been friends for almost 10 years and he gains nothing by keeping me strung along. We haven't actually had sex in close to seven years, so I know thats not the motive.

 

We're just soo good together. We connect on every possible level. Sexually, we can spend hours getting off in every way with the other. Theres very little he wont do and theres very little I wont do, so we mesh well. Theres an incredible electric spark when we fuck too. Its not his size that makes me cream just thinking about being with him. Of course taking all 9 1/2 inches is an incredible feeling, but thats not it. Its not just filling its fufilling. I never get the burning desire to cuddle after sex, but I let him hold me when we're done and I feel contented. I feel safe.

 

Thats the other thing with him. I feel safe with him. I have never felt the sense of securety and safety I feel with him. I know I can tell him anything and he will never judge me. He will never make me feel stupid. He will never ridicule what I have to say to him.

 

I so long for the day when he is mind. I long for his touch every night and ever day. To spend time with him and feel his presence in my life every day  rather than a few times a week. I love him from so deep within my heart aches when he has to leave or when we have to stop talking and I long for him to return in a way I have never felt before and am not sure if I will expierence it again.

 

Scarlet

 

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Sunday, January 29, 2006 - Real Quick
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OMG I went to the bars this weekend with my sister in law and my cousin and a friend and while we were there my sister in law was outside smoking and talking to this guy I had been drooling over all night. Upon closer look I find he looks unbelievabley familiar and at almost the same time were like" I know you" After figuring out he was totally my highschool crush and deciding I needed to go the bathroom and ring out my panties I gave him my number under the pretense that hes a tattoo artist and i need someone i cant trust!!! I HOPE HE CALLS!!!!!!!  OMG I would so do him HUGE HUGE favors if hed do my next tattoo!!!!

 

*GAZM*

Scarlet

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Monday, January 23, 2006 - Nickelback
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Mkayso Has anyone ever sat and listened to Nickelback's lyrics? Damn thoes boys are some horney  fuckin bitches!!!! No wonder they're my favorites right now! My favorite song is Animals! That song kicks ass...theyre dirty dirty little boys... I want to fuck them all!!!! HE HE

 

Scarlet

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Thursday, January 19, 2006 - What happened to the men?
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I blame the goddam Metrosexuals and the Feminists!!! It's all their fault! I've been talking to my friend Tam tonight and we can't figure out what the hell happened to all the men. They've all pussed out! Gone soft!!! Found their inner female!!! Tam's single and not the least bit interested in a relationship of any kind. She just wants some bootycall every now and then and here I am with Alex (last nights post didnt last long) and they either want to make a big deal out of everything or tell you they love you!!! FUCK! What happened to the days when the guys just wanted to come around for sex then leave you alone till they got horney again? Why does everything have to be such an ordeal! She's about ready to go stircrazy and im just bored as hell. Not with Alex mind you, thats still exciting, for the time being anyhow, but you cant just have a fun night anymore. I'd hook up with Tam's sexy ass, but she lives an hour away and its just not convenient since she lives in the city and doesn't have a car to drive out here.  I know it's not PC to exploite women for sex, but what if I want to be exploited??? Maybe I'm exploiting him? UGH! Oh well, hopefully Alex will call and I can go exploite him for a while tonight! Otherwise maybe I'll make a half assed attempt at DH. GRRRRR!!!

 

Frustrated!

Scarlet

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006 - YESSssssss........
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Mmmmm, If things can stay right where they are now for a while with no complications, I'll be one happy Scarlet!! Alex and I, after a rocky couple of days after our first encounter have apparently come to an understanding. In his words...You're married, I have a girlfriend, lets just have a good time. FANFUCKINTASTIC! So last night after what was hopefully our last akward conversation, he finally invited me over. Stellar sex again!!!! It's all I want!!! He met me at the door, took my hand and walked me to the bedroom, not as much TV watching this time! LOL Just the end of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, which we agreed was the best show ever! LOL I love the fact that he cuddles up to me, holds my hand and kisses my neck like I'm the fuckin love of his life and theres no worry that I will EVER hear the L word out of his mouth!!! Then, just like the first night, once we started kissing...We couldn't get to it fast enough.  Mmmgawd his dick felt good in my mouth! I sucked his cock for a while, and he pushed down my pants and crammed a couple of his fingers inside me. Once he got things nice and lubed up it was great, but there for a second, there was no doubt he's a guitarist! LOL Damn caloused fingertips! Oh well, it wasnt a few seconds before I forgot all about that!!! He got me really hot when he started dragging some of my juices up and messing with the opening of my ass....yummmmmyeah that felt great!!! Kinda hoping he was just testing me to see how far I'd let him go, maybe he's giving me something to look forward to!!!  He pulled me on top of him and we were grinding our hips together, the thin material between my sopping wet pussy and his rock hard cock were pretty much nonexistant.  He finally yanked my slacks and panties down in out quick swoop, he spread my legs and started teasing my clit with his cock, then he pushed his thumb up inside me and pushed on my G-spot like hed fuckin been there a thousand times. I got strokes away from a killer fuckin orgasm and he'd stop! Grrrrrr. The first time I thought he was just messing with me because he got this rotton look in his eyes, but the second time he did it, I decided he was trying to get me as close as he could before we fucked because I could feel his cock start to jerk and I cold taste the precum when I was sucking on him, so I know he didn't have much time before he was going to fuckin shoot all over me.  Thank gawd he remembered the condom again...Im gonna have to buy him a box pretty soon. He got inside me and we barely started, but it was so intense. He just stares right down into my eyes like he's got all the focus and drive to last him a lifetime and slams into me like he'll never have sex again. Woo hoo, this time I got to be on top too!!! He grabed my leg and somehow, don't ask me how, we managed to roll over without missing a beat. Another few seconds and we were cumming together. I could feel his rock hard cock jerk between the spasms my pussy was sending throughout my entire body. I was still weak and shakey when I got home and tried to get undressed for bed. I was all set to give him a quick kiss and get up and head out and OMG the sweetie put his arms around me and pulled me close. We lay there again for about five minutes. He's absolutely the best! Mmmm...All that and no strings and no regrets!!!

 

Pure heaven!

Scarlet

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006 - Oh for the love of peet!
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Kso Im finally getting close enough to TC that Im thinking I might have a shot at gettin him to give me a shot LOL and low and behold he's in marital crisis. Apparently his and Cories friendship has raised some ungodly suspicion with the spouses and now he and the little Mrs. are supposed to be going to counseling and Cories hubby is apparently pissed but hasnt acted yet. Mkso fine, but he comes to me with all of this and spills his guts, tells me his feelings and everything thats going on...OK I thought we were close enough to fuck a few times as friends, not for me to play Dr. Phil! Grrrrrrrrr...This is SOOOO Not going in the direction I was hoping for!!! My only hope now, is that maybe he'll want to go out for a drink and talk...Ive already offered  Maybe we can get a little shitty discussing things and let it go from there!!!

 

Till Later

Scarlet

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Sunday, January 15, 2006 - OMG What a weekend!!!
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I never thought I'd have the guts to do it! I never ever thought it would happen. I always figured I'd talk about it and talk about it and it would be some stupid fantasy that would never come to fruition! What the hell did I know!!!!

 

Soo for the last month or so, I've been flirting hardcore with one of my husbands friends, Alex, online and Thursday night he spent the entire night taunting me. He'd tell me he was hungry and when I would innocently ask what for, he'd say "a taco"  5 minutes later I'd finally get it...DUH! and then he'd make some comment about "But you could never sneak out". Finally I realize he's challenging me! Well there goes that pride thing again and I can't let him prove me wrong! So I get dressed, get ready and walk out the door, presumptively to go grocery shopping because the local 24 hour grocery store is much less a madhouse at 5am and I cant sleep! I shake the whole way over to his house. The house at the address of the "dump" as he calls it, that he shares with his bandmates, is 10X nicer than my house, so I walk around for 5 minutes trying to find the real house LOL. Finally I look for the telltale signs of a bandhouse, mostly enormous ammounts of beer bottles in the garbage can sitting next to the sidewalk, noticing they are his brand I brave up to the door of a house that looks like it should be occupied by someone raking in a couple hundred thousand or more a year. The door is cracked just like he said and it reaked of cigarette and pot smoke. Yep Im in the right spot!!!  I walk in and he immediately gets up off the couch takes my hand and leads me back to the bedroom. We talked for about half an hour before he finally told me I should get under the covers with him because I look cold. OK Im not cold Im in shock that Ive actually followed through on this, but fuck, Im not turning down the invitation. Fast forward through more small talk...I finally turn to him to comment on some dumb tv show that we're both staring at but not really watching, or maybe it was the home shopping network, I'm not even sure at this point. When I turn to him, he kisses me and it's off from there. The raw, nasty, passionate, I cant get into your pants fast enough sex is on! He's so into it; he stares me straight in the eyes during every move he made.  I felt like a fuckin teenager again! On the bed with my shirt half up and my pants half down and his hard dick ribbing against my stomach and leg through his jeans. I couldnt keep my hands off his head, I love guys who shave their heads, tight haircuts are nice but I really like when they shave it clean off, but this was 10X sexier because he had a mohawk. There was just something that made me wet as hell to play with his hair next to his shaved skin. I finally got his jeans off and sunk down and took his whole dick in my mouth. Certainly not the biggest by any means, but more than enough there to get the job done. I swollowed every inch then came back up and we started kissing again. He practically ripped my clothes off and starts to slide his fingers inside me. LOL no problem there, I'm so goddam wet from everything we've been doing they slide right in. He plays with me for a bit, but thats not working for me, so I grab him and pull him down on me again. He finally got the hint and sat back up, Jeez Ive been married so long I forgot to grab any condoms!! LOL Thank gawd he had some, I can't get pregnant, but..well hes a fuckin guitarist in a band, enough said! So he puts it on and its no time before hes fucking me hard and fast. Thank God for miltiple orgasms because I came within about 3 minutes!!!  I don't know who he's been fucking up to this point, but they must be broken or faking it, because as soon as I came, the spasms from my orgasm were too much for him and he lost it.  I'm not sure exactly what affects how big a guys load is, but when he pulled off the condom, his eyes got big and he was like "Jezuschrist!!!" and looked back at me like I had something to do with it! I'd like to think so!!!! I always assumed the ammount was a mechanical thing that depended more on the body than the circumstances, but I don't have a dick, so who knows!!!!  Anyhow, we laid there for another good half hour just messing around and playing with each other before I finally decided I had better get up before I fell asleep. He set his alarm, and told me it was all good, I didn't think he'd expect me to sleep the rest of the night there! Oh well, I needed to come home with groceries or my cover would be blown, so I reluctantly got up, got dressed and started walking to the door. He kissed me good bye and I drug my ass kicking and screaming to the gas station for a Red Bull and something to eat before heading to the grocery store.

 

No regrets!

Scarlet

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Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - Whatever...
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Well, My dear sweet husband may be heading for my midlife crisis if he's not careful. Not that I'm midlife yet, but it sounds good.  We "started" having sex on Friday, but apparently he just wasn't into it. I wasn't at first either until he started going down on me. Damn! No matter what's going on, thats one thing that he does that makes me weak. His tongue knows exactly where to go and how hard to do it. I'm getting wet just thinking about him licking my clit, then running his tongue down to my opening. He got me nice and ready and then suprissed me by slipping a nice thick toy into my pussy while he fingered my ass, which just puts me over the top!!! I think I had 4 orgasms before he finally couldn't do anymore because his sinuses were filling up.  That was fine. I was fufilled. I continued to ride the toy while I returned the favor, sucking him for all I was worth. It turns him on to think of someone else fucking me so I easily got off 2 more times riding the toy with his hand down there feeling it go in and out of me. After I had leaked enough that his hand, the toy and the bed were drenched he pipes up with, "I just don't think I can perform anymore" and rolls over and goes to sleep, leaving me with a dumbfounded look on my face, and a big red dildo shoved up my sloppy wet pussy!  Whatever! I rubbed one more out and went to sleep myself.

 

JC and I are doing better and better. Things have been 90% perfect! I still don't trust him entirely, but that will come with time. I know I have some work to do too, so in the mean time we are just enjoying each others company while we get to know each other again. I sincerely believe our 3 biggest problems are 1) the sexual tension between us 2) we have strong emotional ties to each other, maybe love maybe not, but it's there none the less and 3) we're both stubborn as hell and don't give on much and we have a couple of issues that keep coming back to haunt us. We've agreed to disagree, but they're such importiant things in our life they still grind a little every now and then. That will never stop me from despirately wanting his 9 1/2 inch cock burried deep inside me, fucking me for all he's worth. I want to feel him unload inside me. Mmmm yeah!!! Damn I miss that man!!!

 

As far as TC my sweet Sgt...all I can say is WTF!!!!!!! Thursday night he was all over it. Up in my area literally every 5 to 10 minutes all night. Sometimes even standing in the general vicinity of my area for no apparent reason other than to be there.  I hate to assume anything because he has his work wife (corie) who, it appears to me, has his dick on a leash, though he says otherwise.  So I'm stoaked when I find out that he's working my shift again last night. I purdy my sweet ass up and head to work. Much to my dismay he's busy all night on his unit. No biggie, I see him at dinner and he hollers over as I walk out if the cafeteria that I'm stuck up because I won't go over and sit with them. I guess my pride just got in the way because of the entire table, no one called me to let me know they were going, regardless of the fact that it wasn't anything personal, Im sure. They call me 99.9% of the time and tend to forget somone at least once a week, it was just my turn. So my pride tells me "You're too busy, go to your desk and eat alone!" Dumb me listens and I don't see him until it's time to go.  I know I'm parked next to him and attempt to walk out with him. I go into the locker room while he's in there and start chatting. I ask why he seems he's in a bad mood and he says hes not. Ok fine, I go on with the conversation. A minute later he says "Maybe I am in a little bit of a bad mood". So the correct response of course is "Why?" He tells me he misses Corie . I just said "oh brother" and walked out, alone, to my car. FINE! I'm done messing with him if some chick thats not even his wife is pulling his dick around!!!! So I come in tonight and much to my suprise, he's here again!!! I'm just a cynical bitch, so as soon as the chance presents itself, I'm asking him if he got to see Corie today to make him feel better. He got defensive and couldn't figure out why I wanted to know that. Um humm.... So I repeat our previous conversation and his response...??? "I didn't say that!"  WHAT???  WTF??? My ass! I know I wasn't hearing things!! He says "Oh, just in the sense that I'm used to working with her." And he's back to being a 6th grade boy throwing things at me and making comments. I don't really care either way, it's not like I wanna marry him or something! I just wanna suck his dick for a while and maybe mess around a bit! But if Corie and his actual wife have his dick on such a string that he's gonna puss out every time, then I'm just gonna have to find someone else to crush on!! No Big Deal!!!

 

Exhausted,

Scarlet

 

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Thursday, January 5, 2006 - Content
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Tonight I am completely content with my world, with the exception that I have to go home to my sleeping husband. JC and I have had 24 unbelievable hours. Not bliss by any means, but we've come to some understandings about our "relationship" such as it is. He needs more space than I'm used to allowing people and I need him to restore my trust in him. He has proven himself beyond my expectations, which granted were pretty low. He has made an incredible effort to keep me in his life. Things are weird though. I know this man more intimately than his wife probably does. We've had the raunchiest kinkiest sex no one could ever imagine. We've had threesomes. We've fucked each other up down and sideways. I don't think I have ever had such fufilling sex in my life. We've been there for each other through both of our first divorces and not that Im planning a second, I feel like he is destin for one and I will stand by him through that one too. Anywho, things are very strange right now. We agreed to set some ground rules, be concious of each others boundries and start from scratch and see where things go. Starting from scratch is difficult when you know someone so intimately. I asked what he wanted to talk about and he asked about Icecream. Somehow in a matter of minutes we were talking about sex.

 

I don't want anything bad to happen to my husband. I love him dearly. I don't want to divorce him either. But, I can't help but feel like JC and I are appart because the time just isn't right yet. He has already said he will never marry again and I believe that. He has had some pretty nasty relationships. And as much as I love my husband, he is in no way the health nut I am. I am scared to think that I will be a widdow before my hair is entirely gray (I have no gray now, so Im not digging any graves at this point).

 

I believe I can truely say I love him. I know his body, mind and soul like no one else does and he knows mine.  

 

And fucking BONUS !!! MMM That sexy mofo at work that I've been drooling over since he got back from Iraq is working evenings tonight, we get off at the same time...I'd love it if we got off together too!!! WOOT And he invited me to go to dinner with them. I hope like hell everything I need to do is done before they go down so I can sit and eat with him too. Damn!!!!

 

In the words of the great  Ice Cube...Today was a good day!!!!

 

Blissfully,

Scarlet

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Thursday, January 5, 2006 - Confused
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He came back tonight. JC instant messaged me right as I was logging off from work to come home. He said he wanted to talk, to mend broken fences. I reluctantly told him if he stayed online long enough for me to get home, I would talk to him. To my suprise, not only did he wait the amount of time I *promised* him I would be there by, but I got a ticket for running a red light right in front of a cop. I sware I was such an emotional mess, I never saw it. Thank Gawd he let me off with a warning. But it added a good 10 minutes to my time. But there he was waiting for me. We just logged off instant messanger after a 2 hour chat, but I need to unwind before I got to sleep for 2 hours before my son wakes up.

He confessed to all of his lies. He told me he understands he needs to earn back any trust he might get from me. He sounded sincere every step of the way. He said all the right things to me tonight. I made him promise to call me tomorrow. Well see if he follows through or not.  Either way I feel like the stupid little girl despirate for the popular guys attention. So much so that shes willing to wait patiently as he runs off and does his thing, only to come back to her waiting arms until the next time something better comes along. I pray I'm not that person.

We've been through a lot together, he told me he considers me his best friend. He wants that back. We'll see. We had one night together that was insanely memorable for both of us. I think it's the closest thing I've ever come to true, pure love.  I believe deep down that he's my soul mate. The one man I was meant to be with. I also think it's just not our time. He's married, allbeit a very unhappy one, hes not willing to leave it right now. And I love my husband dearly and don't ever want to seperate our family, I don't ever want my son to be a priduct of divorce. But I know JC and I are very healt concious people and gawd knows DH is not. I can't help but wonder. Will we ever be together. Will we find ourselves in our 50s, or 60s widdowed or divorced and finally have our time together? Or will I spend the rest of my life chasing the popular guy?

Confused,
Scarlet

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Sunday, December 11, 2005 - Too long gone...
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Wow y'all! I can't believe I've only posted a couple of times since September! So much is going on in my world, it's hard to keep up! I started my own business selling adult toys and Lingerie and am just having a fuckin blast with it! I've met so many fun people and wouldn't trade it for the world!!!

 

I decided, with a little nudge from a friend, that I needed to come back and post something! I definately can use the therapy after last week. My sexy little sargent and I have been getting to be better friends, especially over the past week. As a matter of fact, Friday, I had a question for him and in trying to keep it hush hush we had to be in such close quarters I could feel the heat from his body and his breath on my neck as he spoke quietly in my ear. I could have almost immeediately took my panties off and wrung them out. The fantasies that spin through my head when I hear his voice make me quiver. My poor but lucky husband tends to get the brunt of my fantasies. I picture myself going down on my Sgt. while he's in his BDUs, every lick suck and touch, I practice on dear hubby.  He's of course in heaven! The first time I did it he said it was the best blowjob hed ever had, and considering what a whore he used to be, thats quite a compliment!

 

I hate that the Sgt only works every other week with me so I can't even stare at his fine ass except for every other week.

 

I was extatic last Tuesday when he was so busy he wound up working at least 3 1/2 hours into my shift and we spent almost 1 1/2 of it talking!! I really got to know him, and not in a sexual kindof way. Suprisingly it was nice, since to me he was just a piece of meat!  Wow, what a deal if I got to be friends with him too! In all honesty, he really is a nice guy and I think he means well, but unfortunately or fortunately depending on perspective, he doesn't appear to have a happy marriage. It is so my dream to exploite and take full advantage of that!

 

Blessed be!

Scarlet

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Monday, October 24, 2005 - Wow, it's been a while!!!!
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Scarlet's Back!!!

 

Dayumn! I can't believe I've neglected this thing for this long!!! This is incredible. I guess it's harder to write now that my office has moved and I have different responsibilities than I had. The one thing that hasn't changed is my burning desire to fuck!!! And I need to be here tonight! I need my therapy, my outlet for my lusts!

 

My same ole sexcrush is still making me wet on a biweekly basis (schedule change for him) but we talk more than ever now and that totally stokes my fires!!!!!

 

I've got three new outlets for my lusts though!!!! My brick house of a man who has quickly turned into one of my best friends, but we have resigned ourselves to stay in the public eye since we are both married and don't want to jeopardize either of our lives!  The second man is my kinkdawg! OMG this man is kinky in ways I never thought possible!!! We've talked each other to orgazm on the phone I don't know how many times!!!! He's so raw and graphic that when I see his number come up on my cel or his name come up on my instant messanger my pussy goes full on into fuck mode and I have to change my dripping wet panties!

 

My Chica ~Mia~ Oh Im so in love with this girl!!! Shes so cute! My little Latina hottie!!! MMM, shes got a great rack and her pussy is always wet and ready! I love to lick her inside and out!!!!!!!

 

Well, this has just gotten me more hot and bothered than I was before I started! So in the great words of my Brick, I'm gonna go rub one out!!!

 

~Laters

Scarlet!!!!

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005 - Dayum! I need some!
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Fuck! I m so godam horney it's just wrong! I can't even get away to have some time to myself.  I get to see the sarge at least once today, since I have to head into work for a while today and will see him during shift change tonight.  Not necessarily a good thing since it will just get me all worked up to no release.  Fuck, I would love to get him into the storage closet, or one of the offices, or even his car. I don't care! I just have this burning desire to fuck him and I really really need some sex!! Any sex! I'd fuck the mailman if he came to my door right now! I did meet this lesbian at a networking thing and have her number!  Shit! My pussy is getting sloppy wet just thinking about her! She has the cutest ass and a great rack! I'd just love to suck her nipples and finger her sweet pussy!  I wonder if the kids would miss me if I snuck into the bathroom for a few minutes while they finished up their breakfast and TV show to shove a couple fingers in my dripping cunt.. I think I'll go do that...shouldn't take long I can already feel the twitching deep in my hole start. That always comes just before a nice orgasm and all I've done is brush my fingers over my clit a little under the blanket as I type!

Scarlet

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Sunday, September 18, 2005 - Manic
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Well, I seem to be showing a cycle here. Up, then down, then up again! I'm truely not manic-depressive! But I guess if this is my therapy, then I'm only going to show my extremes here, right!  Well, here's hoping that my incredible start to my night doesn't come crashing to an incredible low again like it did a couple of weeks ago!

 

Where should I start?  Well, JC will be here in exactly 5 days. I have butterflys in my stomach every time I think about it!  Thank gawd I got my monthly henderence out of the way this weekend, I would hate to be bitchy and bloated the day he gets here. Not sure if I'll see him Sat. or not, I know he has family to visit and whatnot. I asked when the last time he was back on a visit was and he told me "last time I was in you" Purrr...and he wont leave without keeping that streak alive if I can help it!!! I can't wait to get his monster dick inside of me in any way possible!

 

Then I came to the conclusion my sexcrush may possibly be crushing on me too!!! YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! My office moved a few weeks back due to construction and he has always made a point of taking the corner staircase to leave, making some snotty comment on his way out. Usually the same one over and over, first it was about my hair, but he hasn't mentioned it since I asked him if he had a fettish. Then the night he worked nights (the night JC came out with his emotional outpouring all but ruining my fixation on one of the few nights I had Sgt here all night) he started giving me hell about not really doing my work while I'm on the computer. Well, after my move, he started taking the elevators, which are right near my desk, and tonight he made a huge point to stop and chat with me, asking if I got lonely out here and wondered if I had heard his ghost story! Which he proceeded to tell me about! Along with the other creapy crap that has happened to him up here in the department!!! Damn, I need him here to hold me and keep the creapies away!!! Of course I couldn't just let him hold me! I would certainly have to thank him for being my protector! I hear that highly emotional states leads to great sex! I would love to get all psyched out with him up here and take advantage of the situation to get him hard and fuck him all night!

 

He gets me so hot when I listen to him talk, and it's adorable when he listens to me! He has a mouth like a sailor (I think hes in the wrong branch) walking up to my desk with fuck this and fuck that, then when I respond using the word fuck, he gets this shocked look and asks if I'm an angry person, jokingly of course! I know I have a foul mouth! I can clear a room of sailors and truckers without trying.

 

Gawd, if only I could get in his pants! I'd kill for just a kiss from him!!!!

Scarlet

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Wednesday, September 7, 2005 - miss him...
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Gawd I miss him.  He won't be in town until the 26th and I can't stand the anticipation any more. I go over and over in my mind the last time we were together. August 27th 1999. I didn't even remember the date until he said it. Hard to believe a big tough Airforce Sargent with balls of steel is going to remember the exact date he last had sex with a girl. Especially a guy who gets laid as much as he does. I can't even remember the details of how we got up to the bedroom, just that we were there. At first it almost felt like a competition, who's more tallented, more daring to try new things, who's more willing to push it toward the edge. Who will cum first? Harder? Higher? I vaguely remember him undressing me, taking his shirt off and undoing his pants revealing the most enoumous peice of meat I had ever seen in my life. We'd had sex before, but never with the lights on. When I actually laid eyes on it, I couldn't figure out for the life of me how I had ever gotten that thing inside of me to begin with. Of course I jumped on it and wraped my lips around as much as I could take. Back then I still had a fairly decent gag reflex, unlike today! All I could do was pump my fist up and down what I couldn't cram in my mouth. I felt him start to jump and stiffen and he ripped it out of my mouth and told me to get on my knees. I wiggled my ass at him teasing him, but deep down inside was terrified he was going to try to shove it up my ass. There was no way I was ready for that. Thank gawd he didn't. Rather he started working his fingers in and out of me. I was in heaven. He started out with three and was rather impressed when he didn't meet with much resistance. Slowly he worked four in, then past his knuckles, then his thumb. He moaned loudly when his whole fist was burried inside of me. It only took a few pumps of his fist before I was flooding him down the arm with sweet orgasmic fluids. I was litterally screaming with pleasure. I clinched up so tight on him during my orgasm, he told me later he thought I was going to break his hand. Wouldn't that have been something to try to explain to the emergency room staff. Finally my orgasm subsided and he was able to work his hand free. He wiped it on his cock and started to work it into my already happily abused pussy. All I could do was clench the pillow and ride wave after wave of pleasure as he pumped that enormous dick of his in and out of me, never missing a beat.  Finally I heard him chuckle and he pulled out. I froze, I had no idea what he had in mind. Quickly I realized his intentions as he worked his thumb into my tight tight little ass hole. It had to have taken him 10 minutes to get the head of that enormous beast past my opening. Slowly, surely and gently as he could he finally worked it in to the hilt without the slightedt tinge of pain on my part. Gawd, he was tallented. He slowly took back the pace he had previously be holding to, but climax was very close for him. He grunted and groaned and unloaded a massive flood of cum in my well worked hole. We both colapsed onto the bed. I was lying on my side talking to him, mostly expecting him to get up and get dressed going who knows where, but instead he slowly put his arm around me. I thought he was trying to comfort me for something and I offhandedly remarked "Awe, ya tryin to hold me now?" of course meant in fun. I wouldn't find out until years later, he was actually reaching out for my affection. It felt like a knife in my heart when he told me all he could feel was embarressed and confused inside. He held on anyhow, he said he could feel me trembeling and knew I was scared. That I was, I was so in love with him. I would have droped anything and everything in my life and ran to Fairchild Airforce Base to be with him. I don't even remember how long we laid there before I had to take him back home to his moms farm, but I will never forget the way he touched me that night. I guess that's why I'm destined to play the fool and regardless of the fairy tale life I have now, all he has to do is whisper in my direction and I'm like Jell-o in his fingers again and again and again.

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Tuesday, September 6, 2005 - Puk...for you!
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Hi!

 

Sorry I didnt know how else to get ahold of you so I hope you find this!!! If you want to put a video in your journal, go to www.MusicVideoCodes.com pick your video, (they don't have a lot, but theres enough to choose from). When you get to the screen where your video is playing, scroll down and there will be a window with some HTML code in it. You can either auto copy it or highlight everything and right click to copy. Come back to your journalhome page (it's easiest if you already have it open in another screen if you can do that) go to the "edit template" button on the left of your screen (a couple below "add new entry") If you don't know HTML you can kindof guess where to put it by reading some of the code. I just put mine at the top of the edit screen. Put your cursor between the HTML "paragraphs" and either right click and click on Paste or hit Ctrl+V to paste it in there.  You should have video in your journal! If this doesn't work or if you have trouble, let me know and let me know how to get ahold of you and I'll do my best to help! I'm not an HTML pro by any means, but I can figure a lot out.

 

Good luck!

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Wednesday, August 31, 2005 - Sinking deeper
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I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Im sinking deeper and deeper into this spiraling hell. I've managed to get myself out of the house twice today to take the kiddo to play and all I could do was lie on the steps and stare at the sky. It's such a beautiful day and I haven't been ablt to enjoy it. I tried calling my best friend and talking to her, but she wasn't much help.I keep thinking about our conversation last night.  I have never had a man remember details about things the way he did. He was so vulnerable last night. He said he was crying, I dont know if I believe that, but I know he was sincere.  I just don't know how I'm going to act when he comes home at the end of the month. He said he needs to see me. he said he couldn't care less if we had sex or not, he juse needs to see me. I know this is it. I know if I see him, something will happen. Maybe not sex, but certainly something that would be construed as adulterous. 

Though sex with him is incredible. He's so well endowed, he's the first guy ever to completely fill me and satasfy me. We have the same desires and turn ons. I get so wet swollowing his cock, mostly because he's so big and I know its a rare occasion when he actually gets his entire cock devoured. Hopefully I'll get the chance to talk to him tonight and maybe Ill feel better.

Whateva
Scarlet

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