Having dreams that feel more like memories than dreams. Dreams that are so real and vivid that I can recall them in detail - unlike any dream I've ever had before when I couldn't remember anything about it the next day. These dreams feel so much like memories that they stay with me, rolling around in my mind.

Aside from the dreams, I seem to have fallen into a hole - a snag - an alternate life, walking a line that is my life, yet it's not. It's doesn't fit exactly right. I feel like I'm not quite in my groove and someone is watching me struggle with trying to figure it all out. I get a feeling of unease that I can't shake and I can't stand to stay in one place. I can't enjoy the solitude of my home doing what was once normal, common place activities for me. As I sat reading a book [on meditation of all things] I felt like something was pushing to get inside.. inside the house with me, inside my brain... I can't decipher which even now after the fact looking back. But I couldn't stay there. It was all I could do to keep myself calm - to keep from choking on the fear that is right behind me at every turn, reaching out to hold onto me - to grab my shoes and keys and get out. I just drove for miles, on back roads to places I didn't even know existed, which seems to fit because this dark feeling that's been growing within is locking me into places inside that I never knew existed, either.