Or at least taken a step in the right direction. I'm just a bundle of overjoyed emotions right now. I sure hope he doesn't let us down. I delved into my presidential voting history and this is only the second winner I've voted for. I can't even remember if I even voted in the first two elections for which I was eligible to vote. I remember walking into the school gym next to my nursing school dorm/apt. I probably voted just because I could, to see what it was like. I may have voted for someone for a silly reason; maybe I had seen Bush the first when he was a v.p. candidate. There was a rally in our neighborhood, maybe because there were steel mills? It was such a small corner of Chicago. A dad said, "Kids, you may be looking at a future president". Then he said, "What about the band!?"  A natural politician, he had us eating out of our hands. I may have wanted to be able to say that I saw a u.s. president. I really liked Bush the first. I was disappointed when he lost to Clinton. It took a tragedy like the Oklahoma bombing to get my to like Bill Clinton. I know one person who started liking Bush the second after 911. Not me. Not ever.

Please do not use this space to leave vague, anonymous political messages. Spammers, begone!

Screentek, it just won't go away...although technically it has.

Who knew way back when Ma Screentek burst through the school doors, arms waving, legs marching, mouth proclaiming the superiority of her company...who knew that when my husband and I exchanged annoyed glances and dropped her business cards into the garbage, that she would be forever in my hair. Whether she will be in my hair 'forever' has yet to be determined, but it sure seems likely.

Funny how I'm updating a story I never really told. Suffice it to say that Ma did something that I considered dirty and underhanded enough to make me her enemy for life. Suffice it say that you don't want me for an enemy. Last spring my greatest dream was realized. My husband drove by their so-called business and found it empty. No signs, nothing. Just a few boxes with junk. Trust me, I do not wish misfortune on others unless they have done something horrible to me or someone else. This was bliss. I even found an old website of theirs, complete with misspellings and centering issues. I will post it. I saved a copy before they took it down.  I was so happy that I declared it Haiku week on my website, amidst other celebrations. On that Friday, my husband received a creepy call at work from a very gruff individual who was trying to find me. When he was finally convinced that I did not work there, the guy hung up. Ma had threatened to sue me before, but this hardly seemed like someone from "A Professional Corporation". The lawyer's envelope actually calls his firm that to remove all doubt I guess! Well FightingFemale does not like suspicious, gruff men trying to track her down so she put up a 'coming soon' message on her site. People have had rivals* hurt or killed for even less reason than making fun of a defunct business.

*To be a rival, one must be at or near equal grounds, which we never were.

On the same day that Mr. Hired Henchman called, I re-checked their site. It too had a 'coming soon' sign that proclaimed they had moved their website (can't imagine why) and their business. The sign is still there. Imagine trying to pretend that a business still exists. So sad! My response was to put a link to www.notfoolinganybody.com on my site. My husband also has not seen any activity from them in the area. He thinks that if they are doing any printing, they maybe housing what's left of their equipment in some warehouse. The 2009 telephone book arrived last week and they aren't listed. This village is not friendly to new businesses either; the codes are ridiculous and the taxes/fees are exorbitant.

All the while, Ma kept showing up at my Market Day sale. Honestly, if I threatened to sue somebody and then went down in crushing defeat, I would frequent the other sale site or go without. Why would someone repeatedly go where they aren't wanted? One time that I saw she had ordered, I wore a t-shirt from a major client that we stole from her. My husband printed me up a couple as a trophy. The b**** actually did a double take!  It's one thing to show up to annoy someone when you are *rivals*, but after you've failed? Cluess? No pride? In fact, often times she or her husband (aka Flanders from the Simpsons) shows up late. Right after we found out that their business closed, they didn't show up at all. I put her order in the freezer. When the school called me to find out if they were going to pick up their order, "I heard they've fallen on hard times. I understand they've had a business go belly up".  So last month, she showed up as a volunteer! She does have extra time on her hands. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em? Our paths did not cross because I did the paperwork while she schleped boxes--not how she envisioned things turning out, I'm sure! I did my best to look queenly. (I did and continue to do plenty of schlepping myself .)
My husband's theories as to why she showed up are as follows:
1. She thinks I'm getting free stuff.  He thinks everybody thinks that I am getting free stuff because of his self-professed southwest side attitude. I rarely get free stuff. Last month there was a box of carrot cakes and a box of trail mix cookies that the rep told me to take. The cakes disappeared and the cookies are on top of my freezer in the basement. They have about a thousand calories each and probably taste like straw. One time I ended up with two bags of a pasta vegetable blend that we never ate. That's it.

2. She wants to de-thrown me. Well I wish she would! You would not believe the hours that I put in. I'm constantly afraid that I will ruin my legs by schlepping too much if we don't have enough volunteers, which we rarely do. Just the other day, on the way to visit my mother, I had to call my son while I was driving. I forgot to place an order at another sale for two customers whose orders were turned in late, and the deadline was 45 min. away. I was frantically screaming for him to find the orders and navigating him around the website while I was having a horrible sneezing fit from an allergy attack. I think it would have been easier to talk someone through landing an airplane or delivering a baby. So on Thurs. I will pick up the orders and deliver them. Pie bonus days are coming so I have to pick up the orders from the three schools, enter them, make sure the payments are correct, etc. The day before the last sale, I had to place 72 reminder calls. The day after the sale, the phone rings nonstop:"Why do the forms list the old location?" "We need more forms", "I forgot to pick up my order", etc. Oh yes, such a glamorous life. Need I remind you that I don't make a cent?

3.She heard my husband was helping out last month and wants to ask him for a job. Seems strange that someone would do something horrible, threaten to sue and then go asking for a job. She does have a habit of showing up where she's not wanted, though. Remember: Clueless and no pride.

It's good to be queen! Good triumped over evil for once.

It's me again, summarizing my summer.

I am still passionate about visiting cemeteries (so far just one) to take pictures for www.findagrave.com   I go there before I visit my mother in a nursing home not far from there. She is on a unit for patients with advanced alzheimers. I swear that going to the cemetery keeps me sane. Yesterday, a lady was actively hallucinating about being on a boat, or at least near water. She was calling to some fishermen.  My 81-year-old father visits her 6-7 days a week. I am touched by his love and loyalty, but I am glad that he only stays for a short time. It drains the life out you, really. As a student nurse, I worked on a psych unit 20+ years ago. It wasn't really the 'snake pit', but it was before they had the new drugs that they have now.  As heartbreaking and frightening as it was to see people in that state, the alzheimer's unit is worse because these were people who probably functioned normally their entire lives. These are people who were lucky enough to live to old age and be mostly mobile, but yet were cheated.

Our new dog, Oreo (also known as Puppy, Little One, Oreo Puchini) is doing well. She still needs work with her housebreaking now that it is colder and I can't just leave the door open. She is fighting less with Juice. She is not chewing things that don't belong to her as much. She is very affectionate! Unfortunately, something went wrong with her socialization. She treats us like she treats other dogs: She greets us by sinking her teeth into us. There is no aggression, only tail-wagging, so I know she means well. We are working on it. Adopting dogs from shelters is so rewarding. There might be another whippet in our future, though.

Which means that I can no longer neglect this poor, neglected blog!!

Dear Blog, dear NEGLECTED Blog: Here is what went down this summer...

I have been working like never before. I am torn between being territorial about our new paperless system, "Mine, all mine!" and expressing my need for help, "HELP!!"  It's become a way of  life. With the paper system, I was down to a few hours in front of the t.v. or in the yard. I did not try to cheat my company. I always made it clear that I could handle more work. I volunteered for "special projects". I did not cut corners to finish early.  Now,  when I'm home, I'm working. I don't really mind because I have bad legs from an old running injury, so lots of housework is out of the question. I am obsessed with getting work done. See, I work by the 'item' and there are hundreds of items, sometimes up to 2000+. If I slack, more work just piles up on top of the old work. It's still up to me to complete it.....Good thing I've adjusted. Me, the team player. Me, putting the company first. Me, work obsessed! Wow!

We lost our 15 1/2 yr. old dog Arie. He was the first dog we ever owned; neither of us had a dog as a child either. It was harder than I thought it would be for me because I had been pressuring my husband for months that we should have him put to sleep. My husband is actually taking it better than I thought he would.

Market Day problems. I hate it when somebody makes it their mission to revitalize Market Day. I hate the PFE (PTA) scenario. I got out of that years ago, with it's politics and meaninglessness. Sure it's great to earn money for the schools, (usually for parties, a beanbag chair for the library, etc.) but I've had it with sitting for 1/2 hr. while people debate whether to have water bottles or popsicles for Field Days. Ugh! I'm not Miss High Powered Career Executive who has no time for that, but I do have a job that keeps me VERY VERY busy. Even if I didn't, I think I'd rather have root canal than sit through that. Just pick one and move on. I don't look down on women who don't work, nor do I think that everybody PFE member is trying to satisfy her need for power and decision-making because this is her only outlet. But still......

Some career PFE people have taken interest in my Market Day sale site. That's right, I said 'my'. I appreciate the help, but I am used to making the decisions. I'm not talking about major decisions like money allocation, but just how things are done. If I want to pick up the forms from the schools, don't insist that someone bring them to my house. I know what works for me. I love that a Market Day customer and a person who has only been to one sale, take the liberty of meeting with the principal to design a table layout without consulting me. The weird thing is that these people never argue. I know that I am going to end up blowing up. In the real world, we would know who the boss is so we would know who has the final say. In the real world, I would say something like, "I appreciate your help and interest, but I am the site coordinator and I need to be able to make the final decision". Nobody ever says anything like that. They are all smiley-friendly. Of course, I have seen terrible fights erupt at the district meetings, but usually they are all smiley-smiley. Maybe I really don't give myself credit. Maybe these people have never had basic classes on how organizations run.

I can only hope that these people get bored or learn that this site is never going to make a million dollars, get a ton of volunteers for very long, etc.and go perform their heroics elsewhere in the district. In the meantime, I don't know how much more I can take. Since these people are not in the business-mode, I am going to have to redouble my assertive vs. aggressive communication. "Wow, it must have been hard for you to come up with a layout since you haven't had the benefit of seeing how the sales are fun. I wish I had known so I could have been there to help. I can always hav them rearrange things if..." Am I power hungry too? I suppose. I am definitely territorial. Extremely territorial. Usually people who are in the business mindset are wary of stepping on peoples toes. "I know that you would never (intentionally?) step on someone's toes, but I really need xyz to be abc". "

I'm doomed.

Of course, why do I need the hassle? What do I gain from it? Not money, that's for sure. My husband thinks that people think I get free food. My husband says that nobody volunteers because it's not a high profile position where they can stroke the principal. Worry that I'm going to overtax my legs moving boxes and worry that people will think that I'm just lazy. Calling 50+, sometimes ++++people to remind them to pick up their orders. Lugging  the orders to the freezer when they don't show up. Quieting my screaming kids who want to get home. My husband always tells me that I should offer them the position if they would like to run Market Day. I just don't want people telling me that I should do 'A' when I want to do 'B', when either is equally good. I remember from one of my early nursing courses more than 20 years ago that there is delegating, power, authority...if you are given a job to do, then you need to have the authority to carry it out. How did it go? You can delegate power, but not authority...I don't remember. But I am certain that if someone has a title/position, even a voluntary one, that it's not a good thing for people who have other titles to come in and start managing/changing things. At the very least I am going to have to say, "It is hard for me to keep track of the changes that other people are making. I'm not a major corporate person, but I am lost without an organization chart". Somehow I am going to have to take back control and stop things from getting out of hand.

I am doomed.

Why do I think this is incredibly funny? The windshield wasn't even broken. I guess that's why they drive 'em. It sure paid off in her case. Go Granny! Go Granny!

Midlothian woman suffers minor injuries when she crashes into neighbor's home

All in all, it could have been worse for everyone involved Wednesday when an 81-year-old Midlothian woman accidentally drove her car through her garage, across the alley and into a neighbor's home.

The woman, whose name was not released, was treated and released Wednesday at a local hospital.

» Click to enlarge image

Midlothian police examine the scene of an accident after an elderly woman drove through a garage and into a home in Midlothian.

Brett Roseman, SouthtownStar

The neighbors, who were not home when the accident happened, have had to move in with relatives until the home can be made safe for occupancy.

It all started shortly before 5 p.m. when the woman pulled her Cadillac into her garage and the "accelerator apparently stuck." She smashed through the back of her garage, went through the yard, crossed the alley, went through the back yard of the house across the alley and crashed into the home, according to Midlothian Fire Chief Bill Sheehy.

The car went several feet into the home, he said.

The woman suffered minor facial injuries, officials said.

A couple days later, an envelope came from my sister. I looked through it. It was a 'graduation announcement'. She actually mailed it after she made those kind statements to me. The nerve. She honestly does not get it. At the end it read, "No gifts requested". I'm sure!  FISHING! The highlight of our spring was that we had not received an invitation to a graduation party. They were hard to live through. Drive for hours, including picking up my parents. Sit there awkwardly among people I barely recognize and even more who are total strangers. Last time, a little kid of one of my brother-in-laws sister kept calling us names while the mother tried to hush her. Nice. My husband, who is much easier going than I am, about to get into fights with people because the northsiders think that soutsiders are "still picking corn out of our teeth", as my piano teacher puts it. Oops, that's my lifestyle again. In between wiping up dog pus from our 15-yr.-old whippet and separating fighting kids...I take a half-hour piano. So she insults me royally and then has the nerve to send me an announcement. I sent it back unopened. I knew she was graduating. I looked up the date and was going to send her a check. People who know them well enough will know that she's graduating (everybody graduates eventually, it's not like winning a Nobel Prize.) My mother's aunt Louise, whom she hadn't seen her in years would send us invitations to graduation parties that were like a 6 hour drive away. Fishing! Drove my mother up a wall. She  would absolutely kill my sister if she knew she did that. Interestingly, she did not send one to my father. I feel bad about not sending something to my neice, but who knows if  it would actually get to her? I always send them $25 each for their birthday in Aug. Sometimes it's late, a precedence way established by my sister. I never expected anything much for my kids from my sister, (and it's a darn good thing), but if you exchange even cards, then you kind of should not blow them off. We used to call each other's kids on their birthdays when they were young; she started skipping that years ago.

Then over the weekend she left a ranting voicemail at my husband's work: She claims she delayed her trip because I did not go to the nursing home on Friday. I actually did go, and what if I had postponed the day or got sick?  I think the staff is perfectly qualified to function on their own. I think my  big problem is that a)  I expect my sister, who is obviously mentall ill to act rationally, and I have no sympathy for her when she doesn't.My sister went on to say that my mother has bruises on her thigh and stomach!!! Duh, it's from heparin so she doesn't throw a clot. I'll bet she raised hell with the staff.  In the message to my husband, Carol  also addressed my kids' supporting me by saying that she doubts our kids' teachers would approve of such behavior. She really did say that. Does he think it's appropriate for me to involve the kids? Well, of course she's the perfect angelic churck lady...and hey, my kids wanted to look out for me. Heck, if they were Hatfields (to which I believe I'm related) they'd be out there with shotguns. Preachy preachy. Fire and  brimstone. Say one for me if you're so inclined!

So, my mother is in the nursing home with Medicare about to run out. My father wants to take her home. Then my sister announces that she is going out of town for 9 days to take my neice to Colorado. Nine days? What is she going to do, take her first semester classes with her?  My husband says that his aunt, who's behavior my sister is replicating, used to do the same thing; leave town with very little notice. Don't people take their kids in late Aug.? Actually, people at my husband's work says that this is actually late to register for classes. Couldn't they do that online? Can't these people do anything in this state?  My mother was to go home on Friday. She wanted me to help them. Sure, no problem. My sister was complaining that she 'had' to go to the nursing home on Monday when they had some sort of meeting to see if they would recommend to Medicare that my mother stay on. They weren't going to because she wasn't progressing enough in physical therapy to justify it. I've never seen anyone kicked out of PT for not doing well, but I've seen people get more PT for not doing well. I told her that I asked my father over and over if I should go because I caught up with work at the moment and we didn't have anywhere we had to go. He told me no. "Does that sound fair", she said in her best preachy voice. Fair or not, that's what happened. Like my husband says, what does she want me to do about it?"  "I had to cancel my clients. That means I don't get paid". I can't believe anyone would pay her anyway. We looked up the website and the line of bull that's on it about her is going to make a heck of a post.

She said something like, "I did such and such, now it's your turn". Then she hung up. I do not tolerate being treated like that. I called her up, and like my father always points out, her cell phone or the phone at their house is always answered by a machine. It's been years and years years. So, I left her a message that said that it sounded like she hung up on me, and if she did, please don't do that again. For once I sounded firm with her.

I then got on the phone for something else. She left me a phone message for which guilt-inducing Catholic nuns and priests could use as a training film. I tried so hard to get it on a hosting site and put a link to it. I want so bad for people to hear what she sounds like because you simply wouldn't believe it. If you want, e-mail me at JSanto7134@aol.com and I will send you the file because that might work. She told me that I should be ashamed of myself and my lifestyle and how I treat my family. She told me that what I am doing justifies her taking control of the whole situation. She said that if my father took her home, she would use all her money to sue him.

Well, needless to say I was a little mad. I could no longer take the punitive, condesending tone. I left her three breathless messages (happens when I get REALLY STEAMED!). I mentioned the cruises, the Catholic elementary school for two kids. I told her that she could be Al Haig and be in charge of the whole world if she wanted to, but I am never speaking to her again. I also mentioned that if she was the perfect daughter, why did she only stay 45 min. on what was obviously going to be mom's last Christmas when she was somewhat coherent. She tried calling, Craig, whose birthday she blew off, a topic for another post) answered and said, "This is the downstairs butler, Madam' cannot come to phone right now. I'm sorry, but if you want to leave a message for her, we have a special line for biatches". I helped him with the butler part, but I swear he made up the last part all by himself . A chip off the old block. She tried again and he answered in an accent, "You have reached the Budhist Temple..." That was entirely his. Then I blocked her e-mail address.  I made an outgoing message for the answering machine. "Today my dear sister infomed me that I should be ashamed of my behavior and my lifestyle (said in a shame-on-me- tone). Pause....

I'M BRITNEY SPEARS!  And I didn't even know it! So, naturally I'm out clubbing. Then I'm going to buy something really expensive for my dog. And these nails!..If you can think up anything suggestions, please leave them after the beep. And if my downstairs maid doesn't give me the message pronto, she is totally fired......because I might be Donald Trump too!

Then I arranged for our phone company to be switched to Comcast the following Monday because they can block calls from specific numbers and that service isn't available in our area from our then provider.

Friday came and my husband was going to help us move my mom. Then my father called unexpectedly and told me that Medicare had approved another two weeks. He was really happy. Do you think it's a coincidence that my pesty, demanding, accusatory sister was going to blow town and suddenly they decided not to kick my mother out?  I wasn't going to cover for her/hide it any longer. I told my father everything; about how she was going to sue him and everything she said. I went on Friday as usual and the unit director was especially nice to me. I was sure that my sister told them that I'm a derelict daughter, but they have had to deal with her. They know.

I'm the guest blogger. I know I might have told you this and I know school's out and that Earth Day was a while back but here it goes:

I asked the science teacher a question and went to my desk. (We were doing a project about Earth Day.) On the way , that boy my friend likes followed me back to my desk. Usually when people do that to me, they insult me. So I said " He's harassing me!" Later I realized he might not have been doing that... or was he? Well,I never figured out why he followed me. So I read a book. And he came back and said "Stop harassing me!" Okay first of all, I said "He's harassing me" not "Stop harassing me". Second, he was trying to get back at me and I just happened to be reading. But from the teacher point of view, he was bothering me while I was reading. So he got in trouble.

                                 I just love happy endings... but not with soy sauce, it tastes terrible with soy sauce.

So, here we are in the present. A few weeks  before the blowup, my father mentioned that my neice was going to college in Colorado. I was really surprised. I hadn't heard anything. Her brother is studying 'sports journalism' in a neighboring state school that is really recognized at being great for this field. I mentioned in an e-mail to my sister that I heard her daughter was going to Colorado. She didn't comment on that. As a side light, my sister has the most amazing e-mail. It mysteriously stops working when it's convenient for her, and --how did you know? It starts working equally mysteriously when she wants it. Sign me up! We tried to speculate what someone would go halfway across the country to an out-of-state school in Co., that they couldn't study here. Snow boarding instructor was all I could come up with. Finally, I asked my sister and to my utter astonishment she tells me that she hasn't decided yet---she's going to study liberal arts. Enough said. We hope she stays away from Gary Barnett and his womanizing football players.

In which I discuss finances and how things got to be the way they are. I can't explain why, but I can tell how, so I will.
I don't remember the details of the brief exchange that preceded the comment, but I caught my son's eye and said, "You know, Aunt Pacific Princess* got much better grades than I did. I do, however, remember the way he stopped in his tracks and did a double take. I honestly didn't expect that strong of a reaction. I must have been telling him that doing well in school doesn't necessarily seal your fate. I would think it would. Today I told my kids that great grades are wonderful, but you have to have some ambition beyond high school. My sister had it all, all throughout school. She had better looks than I did. She was very popular and her teachers loved her. She actually opened many doors for me just by having the last name as mine. Although I finally figured out how to get great grades by the end of high school, I wasn't in the National Honor Society. Come to think of it, I'm not really sure how much math/science my sister took beyond the requirements, but still, she always did great.

I've been waiting for her to throw this back at me. I got to go to nursing school, but she did not get to go to college. Nursing school is very practical;one can always find a job and everybody knows that. My sister wanted to study acting and my parents said, "no way". She was going to go to a secretarial school, but she took a test at my mother's old employer, the old Amoco Oil. She was one of the very few who passed the test right out of high school, so she skipped secretarial school (Robert Morris). You know that back then, secretaries could advance to some pretty good  positions and that she did. She was unhappy there, although she did have some really good friends. Boy oh boy could she sneak out of there like nobody's business. She waited until she was vested at ten years and then quit. It's probably a good thing because everybody knows that oil companies in the u.s. are practically bankrupt. HaHa.

During her time working in downtown Chicago, she was very generous to me. She would often bring me a box of Godiva chocolate. The thing is, that Godiva chocolates are incredibly, incredibly expensive. Sometimes if I would no do or feel the way she wanted me to, she would hold it over my head that she gave me things. Later on, when she had kids, she got a job as a teaching assistant at their school. Then because she hung around a gym and is fitness obsessed, someone told her that she should study to become a personal trainer. She is still doing that. Awhile ago, my mother, who was coherent at the time, told me that she had quit because she got into a fight with her boss. Don't know if this is the same place or not. When she got married, the trips continued. Her husband is a type of cameraman who worked for a small firm before the owner pulled the plug. Now I think he works freelance. She was always going with him to a shoot somewhere. When she was pregnant, she asked to borrow some of my clothes for a trip to Florida because she was gaining so much weight. I was 5'2", 107 lbs for goodness sakes. Her kids were on planes  before they could walk. I went to California when I was inbetween jobs in 1988. My company sent me to San Antonio and Denver, and St. Louis. We honeymooned in Arizona. The next year we went to Disney World because Joe had a convention there. We went to Galena, IL (same state) and stayed in a cabin for a week two years in a row. I've gone to a neighboring state with my son to attend a bell-ringing ceremony for the last two years. That is it for my whole adult life.  She also traveled to Boston more than once to run the marathon, and Las Vegas because it's an easy qualifier for Boston.

Speaking of Boston, her daughter developed a heart arrhythmia several years ago. She says she owes in the double digits of medical bills. All those cruises? If she is so tight with her church, why didn't they have a benefit dinner? Also, Children's Memorial, the University of Chicago, etc. were not good enough for her. She had to take her to Boston. Even now, she said they had to go back for a re-check. For conduction disturbances, can't she at least follow-up with someone here or transport a tracing electronically? They have remote checks for rural people all the time. Also, even when the girl was allegedly (remember my sister exaggerates) so critical, it seemed like she was still playing softball, etc. Why would you take a chance of  her getting hit? Also, to give you a better view of my sister's personality, she insists on calling doctors by their first names. I, on the other hand, have trouble calling doctors by their first name even if they are friends/colleagues. Sure, there are plenty of quacks, but I have a tremendous amount of respect for most of them.

*I'll call her Pacific Princess because she simply  had to go on that thing all the time because she liked watching The Love Boat, don't you know.

My sister continued with her typical modus operandi...she gets worked up into a frenzy and then lies low for awhile. Then my father got word that my mother's Medicare was running out. Again, a product of the depression era, and having the general knowledge that the nursing home industry is notorious for draining  bank accounts, he considered his options. Again the angry call from my sister. She ranted on and on about "THAT man!" She actually said that if my father tried to take my mother back home, she would take him to court and sue him. Isn't that nice? The man who adopted her and worked like a dog to support her.

Did I mention that she's only my half sister? Yes, it's true. I don't know her real father's name, so I will refer to him as "Baby Daddy". I didn't even learn about this until I was about 21. It all came out when my sister was going to get married. I was really surprised, but this was a bit before the time when everybody got divorced. My mother was married to Baby Daddy and apparently he was cheating on her. She would not talk about it, but she did not seem happy. So, my mother and Baby Daddy's daughter were living alone and my sister was in daycare (which really didn't exist back then). My mother worked for a lawyer and he and his wife had a barbecue to introduce her to my future father, who was a client settling his parents estate. The rest is history. My father adopted Baby Daddy's daughter when she was four (I know this is confusing, but I just like calling her "Baby Daddy's daughter. I'll stop.) My sister was four when my father adopted her. Apparently, Baby Daddy never looked back. This is the weird part. My parents never intended for her to think that my father was not her real father. She was four after all; who would even consider that option? Somehow she did forget that my father was not her real father. Who knows? Maybe Baby Daddy wasn't exactly around a lot? Maybe I can get some 411 about Baby Daddy out of my dad now. They still meant to tell her when she got older. They just couldn't bring themselves to do it. Teenage years are rough enough after all....although my sister's weren't. When she did find out, she took it well. She actually took it better than I did!  With what little angst she had growing up, she managed to say stuff like, "I'm the black sheep of the family", "You're not my real dad", etc.

When she found out he really wasn't her dad, she loved him even more because even though she said such things, he never ever treated her like she wasn't his real daughter. Well that lasted kinda long, but not forever.

And I Start Hanging Out In Cemeteries...

Why it is strange (for me, not for normal people).

1. I haven't been to a cemetery in over a decade. When I was a kid, every Memorial Day we would take a LONG drive to a cemetery to put flowers on my father's parents' grave/

2. I'm not religious.

How It Possibly Came to Be:

1. I became obsessed with the Speck murders. I was about two and lived in the neighborhood when it happened so I grew up hearing about it. About a year ago I heard the authors of "The Crime of the Century" on a radio talk show. I bought the book.  If I could go back in history and change just ONE thing......

2. I heard about www.FindAGrave.com  on a radio talk show program I think. It's kind of fun to browse. They have famous and not famous people.  People also request photos. You can look up requests based on a cemetery search or based on your zip code.

3. I am fascinated by stories of paranormal experiences, so you never know.

So me and my kids, clad in "Find-A-Grave" t-shirts, set off for Holy Cross Cemetery in Calumet City, which happens to be about 10 min. away from where my mom is. I did not know what to expect and I was really nervous. We went to the office because only a few of the photo requests had specific location information. I didn't even know if they would give such info out or if they would get perturbed because I had a long list. They actually have a touch screen with databases for that and other Catholic cemeteries. I looked up all our info and we headed out to a 'section'. Unfortunately, that's all we had to go by and the sections are pretty big; maybe half of  a city block. Back to the office. The people were unexpectedly nice; printing off a sheet for each of our requests and marking out little maps with an 'x' after pinpointing each location in a huge book of detailed maps. He even recognized the name of the Speck murder victim, Gloria Davy, who is buried there. There are already photos of her grave on the site but I wanted to visit it for personal reasons.

Again unfortunately, it was super, super hard to find these people. We spent about two hours. We only found about four of the 12 people. For awhile it looked like we might not find any of them. Now I am super pumped. it's like a puzzle trying to find these people. It's also strangely gratifying to fulfill requests for people. I didn't even find Gloria Davy's grave, which was hugely disappointing. The Find-A-Grave site is truly fabulous though. It notifies people when requests are fulfilled and it even has a button to report problems, like the one name that was not on their database.  

Then we went to see my mother, who happened to not be having a good day. Lucky for me, my sister has skipped town so I don't have to deal with her. More on her later.

Ok, so fast forward to spring. My mother is still going downhill and is put into the hospital.  My sister went with to the emergency room. When she described the events, it sounded like my father was really stressed out and losing it. When I talked to him, he was surprisingly upbeat and all the more 'with it'. I went to see her the next day or so and it was really scarry. She couldn't sit up or feed herself. She did not want to eat. The physical therapy evaluation was pretty bad. But of course, if they got her to the point where she could walk, where would she go? Would she wander out of the house or turn the stove on? My father was so affectionate and attentive. One staff member called them 'love birds'.

My sister happened to be there when her doctor came to see her. My sister revealed (if it's true because who can believe a word she says) that when she was around 17, my mother showed her where some sleeping pills were. She allegedly told her that if she ever got to be in the shape my grandfather was in, that she should feed her the pills. She says that my mother wouldn't let her leave the room until she agreed.  The time seems a bit early chronologically, but again, I don't think we can believe much of what she says. In addition to her current state, she has been a legendary exaggerator since her fist day of  h.s. when she came home with overblown impersonations of her teachers.

So, to shorten the tale, my sister says that the doctor agrees that it's not a good idea to try to keep her alive by artificial means. Getting her to eat anything was only accomplished with great effort on my father's part. The hospital staff could not get her to eat at all (surprise). The decision is made not to insert a feeding tube. Let me repeat that it was always my mother's fear that she would end up like this. My mother, not a glamorous beauty, would always get very flustered if someone came to the door when her hair was not fixed or her makeup was not on. She lived in fear that we would see her without her dentures. When I think of how we and the world see her now....I shudder.

If my sister is telling the truth, it must be just awful for her to go through life knowing that she did not fulfill my mother's final wish. Glad I'm not in her shoes. In sooooo many ways.  I really hate to admit it, but my mother is in a locked Alzheimer's unit.  I honestly, truthfully, confess it right here.  The first time I passed through that door, I thought, "Wow, someone in my family is on a locked unit   AND IT ISN'T ME!! Who would have *thunk* it? AND, while we're on the subject, considering my sister, I'm not the most whacked out member of the family.  Again I ask you, would have thunk it? More on...MUCH MORE ON my sister's mental health is to come. The first time that I recognized that something truly was wrong.....I speculate on what disorder(s) she actually has...

So, my sister starts complaining about my father like he's a criminal. She got my aunt in on it too. Now my sister isn't talking to her either. Thank goodness. The last think I'd want would be her calling all the time. She's 81 and  lives about 2.5 hours away and my uncle has had the same fate as my mother so I think I'm safe for the time being. My sister is aging just the way my aunt did, only worse because she's not only self-rightous and snippy, but she's also hyper. My husband says that she's also becoming like his aunt, who is also estranged. I'll dish the dirt on everybody sooner or later. He says it's good because he knows the playbook and will be able to predict her moves.

So around Jan-Feb.,  while my sister is calling/e-mailing me with the worried daughter routine, I would call my father. She had suggested that we either chip in and hire a cleaning service or we take turns going there once a week. Fine. Only my father kept saying, "We're ok now. I'll manage for as long as I can." Hey, he's 81 but he drives just fine, still cuts the grass, and makes perfect sense. Oh sure, he can be curmudgeonly, but that's normal for his age. He's usually upbeat and active. Finally I was able to gently convince my sister without lighting her fuse, that my father was doing the best he could and that this situation was really hard on him. He's worked all his life, he's always been there for us, he's lucky to be alive (family history not good) and he doesn't deserve this lot in life. Predictably, my mother eventually deteriorated. She became incontinent. It became harder for him to get her up to clean her (the man is a saint) or to get her to bed, etc. He got more frustrated (in a sad, not angry way) with my mother's growing idiosyncracies. My sister had a fit that he said in the evil, admonishing tone that is her speaking voice, "She'll only eat twinkies" thus mocking what my father says. My husband's grandmother is in a nursing home. She only eats desserts. Hmm, *professional* care givers can't even get her to eat a good meal. Well, guess what? If we got her to eat perfectly nutritious meals, it wouldn't bring her mind back. May as well let her eat what she wants at this point. The doctor eventually said that too. Big surprise.

So I've got my sister calling and wailing away and my father painting a different picture, saying they're fine. Should I have gone over there more? Maybe. Am I a rat for not? I don't know. My sister lives further away than I do, but she can drive expressways, etc. with no problem at all. She has a son in college and a daugher who just finished h.s. She's independent really, she drives and everything. My sister works as a personal trainer (and she's just been made obsolete by the Wii. I know there are good ones and I know people like them, but I can't resist taking a shot.)  More about my sister's career/etc. later. I did help my father get secondary prescription insurance information from the computer. It literally took me three days. At one point no had been able to contact them for days by phone. My husband left work and went to check on them. The phone was out and they didn't know it. He went out and bought a new phone/answering machine, hooked it up, showed him how to use it, wouldn't take any money for the machine, helped him get his phone co. out there and made arrangements for us to call a neighbor if it ever happened again. That's gotta count for something.

Maybe I hadn't been there since Christmas, but at least on Christmas, I stayed for more than 30-45 min. Since my mother could no longer make dinner, I suggested that we take over, but my sister suggested that we order a pizza.  Christmas Eve, also my sister's b-day, was always a very very special night for us. Not this time. She glared, she paced, she was short and snippy and made everybody feel very uncomfortable. She kept raving, quite unbelievably if you ask me, about her church pageant. "Oh remember last year when little so- and so fell asleep". Remember her kids are far beyond pageant age. Come to think of it, when her kids were little, they either spent the night at my parents house or stayed until late in the evening.  This was obviously going to be my mother's last Christmas where she half knew who people were, but they had more important things to do. They decided that they did not have time to eat. As is tradition, we both brought Christmas cookies. Guess who we saw smuggle her tin back without offering it to my parents?  So they ran out of there like bats out of hell, leaving us awkwardly trying to keep the 'party' going. Our kids were starving. We, ever the miscreants, looked up her area churches online and darn if there was nothing resembling a pageant anywhere near that date and time. The best guess that the rest of us can come up with is that they were fighting. (Fighting? Wouldn't being married to that be absolute bliss? I'm confused.) And to all a good night.