i thought i would write in here for a bit because im a bit upset and thought maybe it would help me by writing. hmmm this makes me wish in a way that i did my journal on paper instead of here but..........

i have did something and am in trouble now or shall i say by not saying something im now in trouble i suppose being punished. my punishment is that i will not get to speak to my Master tonight and i deserve it last night he said i love you and i did not say it back. i was not expecting him to say it and to be honest when he did it surprised me and i didnt know what to do/say so i did wrong and said nothing when what i should have said was I love you too Master and even tho we just met yesterday and haven't been speaking but aa week i do have feelings of love for him and am eager to serve him and know that my feelings will grow stronger n stronger. i feel that inside myself and knew when kelley and i pulled off last night i regretted not saying it back but by then it was to late and i didnt know what to do.

after i recieved the text telling me i couldnt speak to him tonight i began to cry it really upset me and of course i had to call Kelley and talk to her. this punishment is hard and its amazing that after such a short period of time Master would know the worst punishment that he could give me. im kinda mad at myself for calling kelley i dont like people to know how tenderhearted i am inside or how things like that hurt me more than anything its hard for me to show people how easily it is for my feelings to be hurt. so now kelley knows my weakness.

it shocks me how that Kim already has the power to make me sad to bring tears to my eyes the remorse i feel right now is great. i wish there was something i could do to make it up to him and not have this,  just to hear his voice but i can not so i will accept my punishment and learn from it and do my best to do better and not disappoint him again. To disappoint him was not my intention it really wasnt but i did and for that i am sorry (a word he does not like).

i wonder if he knows how this got me? i think he does he is a smart man and i can tell he reads people well so im sure he picked up what would hurt me the worst as far as punishment.

i think im going to go in my room and just lay on my bed as of i really dont feel like anything else.