I have many entries to put in here from my notebook but instead of doing that today I wanted to write about the here and now.

I am so happy. My Master or Kim really makes me feel such joy I feel myself growing each day learning becoming a more strong woman. I have fallen in love with him and love him with every ounce of my being I would do anything for him. It's amazing how happy I am.

 He had me watch the gladiator movie and I did and I really relate how the movie relates to the family. I got so much out of it. Such as Unity stand together/stick together fight n protect as one and as together we can overcome anything but stand alone and shall not. Honor hold honor and what you believe in do not let others change what you believe and feel be who you are not who everyone else thinks who should be. Teaching as Maximus guided the other prisoners to stand together and gfight as one Master guides us in learning n growing together not alone so we can truly be a family unite as a whole not individuals.

He has me in such a strong way the bond I feel for him is one that is deep and true my love grows each day stronger and stronger. i wish he could see into my soul and see how much I love him. I never imagined i would love so quickly that he would be so important to me so fast but there is just sumthing about him that has me. It could be his aura his confidence his strength his love his sexiness its all of that and more. i dont fear my future any longer i look forward to it to learning to serving to loving to it all.

I am so ready for saturday to get hear so i can look into his eyes hug him love him. I go to sleep smilin I wake up smilin and am just happy wow im corny lol.

oops gotta go to class

Smiles i had suck a wonderful night last night my Master came to see me and it was beautiful. i experienced some new things blushes but enjoyed them. he brought a collar up and placed it on me and i liked it the feeling of it on my neck was hot. he also brought me a pair of thongs which i have never wore but enjoyed wearing them for him. (im having to use the pc at library but had to write) the love i felt last night with him was the most beautiful thing in the world. when Master held me i felt so safe secure loved as tho nothing could harm me i felt so peaceful. and of course feeling him inside me made me feel that way also and more i dk how to describe the joy he brings to me. i feel so eager 2 experience more with him, to learn from him, serve him and am so very grateful/thankful to have found him and that i have him in my life. I thank the powers above for helping me find this joy. i know i will remember last night when im old and grey lol. i could cry from joy i really could im just so happy i wish words could express my feelings inside. I only hope that I make my loving Master as happy as he makes me and i vow to myself that i will be obiedant and serve and protect him with every ounce of my being.

i enjoyed licking his nipples and having him in my mouth, feeling him inside me, feeling him lay ontop of me, feeling him tasting me (oh my was such pleasure) but just feeliing him when he help me in his arms was the upmost pleasure. I am really blushing right now even tho nobody here can see what im typing smiles. when i went to bed last night after he left his scent was all over my bed and me so i slept feeling as tho he were still right there beside me and that was lovely.

i thought i would write in here for a bit because im a bit upset and thought maybe it would help me by writing. hmmm this makes me wish in a way that i did my journal on paper instead of here but..........

i have did something and am in trouble now or shall i say by not saying something im now in trouble i suppose being punished. my punishment is that i will not get to speak to my Master tonight and i deserve it last night he said i love you and i did not say it back. i was not expecting him to say it and to be honest when he did it surprised me and i didnt know what to do/say so i did wrong and said nothing when what i should have said was I love you too Master and even tho we just met yesterday and haven't been speaking but aa week i do have feelings of love for him and am eager to serve him and know that my feelings will grow stronger n stronger. i feel that inside myself and knew when kelley and i pulled off last night i regretted not saying it back but by then it was to late and i didnt know what to do.

after i recieved the text telling me i couldnt speak to him tonight i began to cry it really upset me and of course i had to call Kelley and talk to her. this punishment is hard and its amazing that after such a short period of time Master would know the worst punishment that he could give me. im kinda mad at myself for calling kelley i dont like people to know how tenderhearted i am inside or how things like that hurt me more than anything its hard for me to show people how easily it is for my feelings to be hurt. so now kelley knows my weakness.

it shocks me how that Kim already has the power to make me sad to bring tears to my eyes the remorse i feel right now is great. i wish there was something i could do to make it up to him and not have this,  just to hear his voice but i can not so i will accept my punishment and learn from it and do my best to do better and not disappoint him again. To disappoint him was not my intention it really wasnt but i did and for that i am sorry (a word he does not like).

i wonder if he knows how this got me? i think he does he is a smart man and i can tell he reads people well so im sure he picked up what would hurt me the worst as far as punishment.

i think im going to go in my room and just lay on my bed as of i really dont feel like anything else.

This is my favorite poem and I wanted to have it in my journal. It is by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Last night I met my Master and it was wonderful. I had texted with him and spoken with him on the telephone but it was nothing to compare with our meeting.  I was a touch nervous at first but when got in Princess Kelley's vehicle I suddenly felt at ease. I usually do not feel at ease when first meeting someone and that surprised me a bit.
My first kiss with Master Kim was very lovely it made me feel a sense of joy/peace within myself. He asked us what questions we had of him and my mind went blank lol so he began telling us things about the family about himself and just talking while talking rubbing both of our backs. (we went to the park here) I thought to myself when he was talking of how I could sit and listen to him talk for hours at a time because he made sense and his aura is wonderful.
After awhile we went back inside the vehicle due to it was chilly, lol. Master called his Kings to introduce us to them and they seemed nice.
I remember thinking to myself many times when Master Kim was speaking or looking at me what if he gets upset with how I bow my head alot (which is just me something I have always done). wondering should I try to not look down or should I just be myself I decided to just be myself and I am glad. I want him to know me not what I think he wants but to know me better than anyone else does.
Soon Master told me I could sit in front cause I had to stretch my legs and he sat in back while he was in the backseat he began rubbing on us both beginning with our breasts (it felt like the most natural thing in the world to feel his hands upon me) i felt a sense of something which I can not describe deep within myself a sense of rightness  i suppose would be the right word I will never forget that feeling. when Master touched me between my legs I almost came when I looked at him before he even really began i was so close to the edge hot wet my body begging for his touch. and when it came i felt as tho my body sprang to life wow it was amazing.  Licking his hands tasting myself on his fingers was so erotic, seeing him taste his fingers tho almost made me cum again.
This went on for awhile and then he first took Princess Kelley outside and while they were outside i sat in her vehicle my mind feeling at peace as tho i were safe and alive the feelings going through me were peaceful, even the anticipation of my turn made me on edge sexually but also peaceful. She came back to the vehicle an told me he wanted me I got out of the vehicle my legs shaking from anticipation from wishing to please him to show how much I wish to be a part of his family to love grow learn to experience anything in this journey with him. when i got to him he took me in his arms and i felt all nervousness go away i felt a sense of belonging something i havent felt since i was a young girl. (ive always felt out of place different as tho i just wasnt like "everyone else") when he kissed me it felt so wonderful and when he told me to bend over my legs trembled with anticipation feeling his hand on my ass when he spanked me it felt more than sexual it felt loving. Feeling him in control feeling like I could place my trust in him and having the feeling that he would take care of me . my soul told me this is where you belong.
I look forward to this journey in life,  serving him to the best of my abilities, in learning from him sharing with him and growing as a family.