Today's one of those days when I wish I go to weekly sessions with a psychologist who prescribes me with"happy pills". My day started alright, but there was still too much negative energy in me that I simply want to stare at nothing for hours.

          My problem is sort of complicated... I don't have anything against people, it's something about me and these undesirable feelings I have (It's not gender confusion!!!). These feelings that are too selfish and chauvinistic make me lose my respect for myself. Somehow, I can't understand why I am suffering these thoughts and feelings that belong to a child. Immaturity? Maybe not... it's more of an insecurity. So, here I am now, fighting a battle against myself. It saddens me, though, that as I go through these, my outside shell is not spared from the war that wages within.

          I gave a talk to a small group of catechists today. Actually, it makes me really guilty talking to all of them while I look back to all the ingratitude I've shown my God. You can't really call it hypocrisy because I'm doing something about my sinful present so I can get to my saintly future in several years.

          The afternoon was not that bad. I got to paint an 8x4 meter backdrop! Yeah! It really feels good after releasing all your bad energy through something you love to do. My friends asked me if I was mad or anything because of the way I painted with an unnatural force. Of course, I told them I was not mad. I don't like the thought of people knowing that I'm angry unless I really have to let them know. Anyway, whatever it was that I felt, I poureed it over with the sploshes of paint I splattered. See? You can make good things out of those annoying emotions! That's the Filipino ingenuity!