Nostalgia... tumpak! That´s the right word! I can´t find a better word in either the Filipino or Merriam-Webster Dictionary to describe how I feel right now. Yes! And listening to Noel Cabangon´s "Kanlungan" gives me that bittersweet atmosphere.

I´ve come to realize that as we grow up, we have to move on and drop those precious nuggets we treasure... those sweet events of the past will forever be memories. Yes, memories, but they shall never fade into oblivion. Little by little, I´m feeling the pangs of adulthood. In a few months, we´ll be saying goodbye to one another. Graduation may be sweet revenge-freedom from heavy workload from teachers who argue that what they do is for our own good. Graduation... finally, we can escape the cruelties of the high school building.

          Alas! A big part of me refuses to believe that the freedom I longed for ever since is finally at hand. My whole being gradually hold on tighter to what I saw before as a big challenge to hurdle. I have grown to love the things I once considered as cruelties... unfair deadlines, surprise tests, super strict teachers-they are the ones who molded me into what I am today. I give you all a BIG THANK YOU on the World Wide Web! I can´t help but look back to the days when I shiver with fright at a single glance of a teacher, just to find out later one that she was as light hearted as most of us. Sweet memories, all these things will ever be.

          Yet what saddens me most is the thought of bidding those carefree afternoons I spend with my "most bestest" friends and my special someone goodbye. Again, Mr. Cabangon´s Kanlungan says it all... for one of these days, the real world might draw me to leave that cradle of love I´ve grown to adore. In fact, it slowly manifests its cruel self to me. While I still lay my head in this cradle of love, the cares of the real world slowly brings us further from one another... yes, it does, and it will continue to do so until we can no longer feel each other´s warmth... until we can no longer hear our hearts beating in unison. When that time comes, then our dreams shall one by one fall to the ground. Yet, I shall hold on to one dream I value most above all, and even as it shall forever remain a dream, I shall hold on to it ´til I breathe forth my last breath. As I lie in my grave, I shall refuse to believe that this dream of ours never became a reality.

          If the present once forced me to look forward with great enthusiasm to the future, a bitter realization makes me yearn for the past right now. The past... the warmth... the familiarity. They may someday be a madman´s aspirations, so a madman shall I be if that´s what this cruel world dictates.