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Entry 1 of 22
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10/18/2009
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bound by the pen
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i am bitter today and lonely. today i want to crawl into a hole and hide the world from me, because i am no good for the world right now, because i am poison and tainted, because i will hurt and be ravenous, because the animal in me is hatred and loathing, because i want to destroy, because right now i want to hurt, to feel it, i want to die again to make them pay to show them what they have created, to show them what it is they fear because i am not me anymore because i do not want to feel anymore because it will not let me go i am bound by the tip of a pen and it wont let me go i have sold my emotions to ink and stale paper and there fore have only the right to feel that which the pen has givin permission to feel it was the price i paid to write, to feel whatever the pen wants to write to remember and to remember and to die over and over and over again and people will read it and people will love it and they will never know the blood i have spilled so the pen could write the tears that fall with every slap of every word and every claw digging into my back with every curse i have ever written has been that which the pen has ordered it is too late i have already made my choice it is to late' do you know how many times i have died, how many tomorrows i have seen my cards were played long before i was real and every time i awake another little piece is gone a little less humanity a little more hate i will die and die again until i have no more left but they will know my words and then it will matter not that i have ever lived it is a never ending cycle each life i live i will live in death i could beg you to stop it i could beg you for a solution i could cry for you to end it and still half of me wants it needs it can't survive without it the same pain that is killing me is the same pain that is keeping me alive how do you become hate and sadness without the misery of both why do i have to bleed why do i have to be the guardian the protector why do they have to look up to me can't they see what i am don't they see the same poison i protect them from is exactly the same poison i am made of that the dark is what i have sworn myself to in the light of good that i am the black in spite of the light why don't they see it why don't they run |
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The editor....it takes some time to train up.
If you're having problems with margins like me,
try rescaling to a smaller font size...worked
like a charm earlier today.
Hope to see more.
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