A work of satire

Selling Religon

Mr. and Mrs.Hanady is it? I am telling you, I making you the offer of an eternity here, and to think it will only cost you the price of your souls. You will not find a better offer then this anywhere else I can guarantee you. Everything you need to seal your fate and secure your future in the afterlife is all right here in this handy-dandy instruction manual The Bible which mind you I am prepared to throw in for free. Now how can you turn down an offer like that?

But what does it do Mr.....eh Cunnings was it?

What does it do you say? What does it do? Well now my good folks, just think of it, you will have your own genuine Jesus Christ to guide you through life, and a claim staked out in a beautiful corner of Heaven if I might say so myself. It is a simple as pie to operate. Just long as you follow the rules in your instruction manual, of course if you do deviate from the contract you will be sending your soul into damnation, but let us not worry about that. I am sure everything will work out just fine for you good folks.

Damnation? Well is there insurance? What if we are not happy with what our Christ does for us?

Insurance? Well no I am afraid not, once you have singed your soul over it is 100% non refundable, a life-time perchance. But if you are unhappy with what Jesus does for you, we do have store credit. I have several pamphlets here that you may look over if you decide to transfer your soul into one of our other stalks. I am sure you will find something you are happy with. Buddha has really been on the uprising lately and Allah is another crowd favorite. And of course Hinduism comes in a package deal but sales there have been down this coming year.

How do we know which one to pick? Is there an advisor we can go see to help us make the right investment for our soul?

Ah! Well now my good folks, it is a risk, nobody really knows how it will swing. There are a couple people I could refer you too, but really it is in your best interest to do your own reading. Of course this can be a most wonderful opportunity for you and all your family, but should you make the wrong choice, well by the time you find out it will be irreversible and you are going to have to suffer the loss, but let us not worry about that now my good folks.

We have been hearing some talk about a growing investment in Paganism, Can you tell us more about that? It sounds very flexible and offers more safety nets.

Shush now, we don?t want to start talking about that, it is all very under the table still. I personally think the Christ has been the most stable over the years; of course there are yet now studies to show how it has paid off in the end.

Well thank you for your time, well have to think it over and get back on you with what we decide.

Yes of course, have a good-day now, and let me give you my card, you can call me up whenever you have any questions about any of this. I know some of it might sound a little confusing but I am sure in the end you will make the right choice.

8:43 PM - 2/8/2006 - post comment

Quote of the Week: Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind--Albert Einstein

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