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| Labyrinth of the Mind |
Bellspring Psychiatric WardBellspring Psychiatric Ward The following documents I have collected and sent to you are the very last words we have of seven former patients of Bellspring Psychiatric Ward. I have read them all and I am fascinated by what I found, but I can offer you no answers to enlighten you on the subject. All I can tell you is that all seven of these patients came into the water within no more then a months time between them. From what I can see they have nothing in common, and nothing to link them together. Nothing to suggest that they could have had any contact with each other outside or inside the ward. They come from different backgrounds, different parts of the country, and they are varying ages. But somehow it seems they have all shared one similar experience that deeply affected their psyche, and they all left the ward under the same conditions, by suicide. Their deaths were only weeks apart. There is no record of anything like this happening before. None of them were on any experimental drugs which could have affected their minds and psychology in the same way. In fact though they were all considered highly dangerous and kept isolated because of their crimes which brought them here, within the ward they were well behaved. They did not have files of disruptive behavior or of throwing uncontrollable fits and having to be sedated. The only thing they shared in common was the appearance of having nightmares relating to their crimes and what they claim they had seen, of which none of them can seem to describe in detail. I can only hope you see something in these papers that I did not. If you could find some key or clue to get to the bottom of what happened here. Remember I am going through great lengths to get these to you, they are not supposed to be released under conditionality laws, but since they are all dead now, I do not see where it matters and I trust you to be responsible, but if my superiors were to discover this oversight, they would be displeased. If you do figure anything out please contact me ASAP. Sincerely, Paul Channler Chief Director of Bellspring Psychiatric Ward Room 207 Last Letters of Jacob Fields You may not believe me but I tell you it is true, every word of it. Think what you will, it does not matter, do you think your doubts could touch me now? I did love her you know. I really did, more then I could love anyone. More then I have loved anyone. So you might ask then why did she have to die? Well that was a matter of circumstance. Sometimes these things cannot be helped. I did not want it to happen, I did not mean for it to happen, but here we are. Interview with Isabella Payton Conducted by Dr. Stephan Ludwin
S.L. What happened? I.P. I dont really know. I dont remember killing them, I dont know why I would. But I guess I did, I was the only one left. I was standing there in all this blood. And they were there dead. I dont know what happened before that. S.L. How was your relationship with your parents? Did you hold any resentment against them? Did you recently have a fight? I.P. I guess our relationship was pretty normal. We got along alright. I mean we fought sometimes, but dont all teenagers? I guess we were not particularly close, I mean there was stuff we did not talk about, but it was not like I didnt like them, they werent mean. That night, we didnt have a fight. I wasnt angry at them for anything. S.L. What sort of things did you not talk about with them? I.P. I dont know, normal things I guess. Personal things, nothing really bad, but well I didnt talk to them about my friends at school, or guys that I liked. Or my feelings. Girl stuff, the kind of things you talk to your best friend about you dont tell your parents. S.L. What were your friends like? I.P. They were cool, we were not really the popular kids or the jocks or anything. I dont know what we were. We were not the stoners and the skaters, or the Goths, or the nerds, or anything like that. There was a group about five of us, we were pretty good for the most part I guess. We did not do drugs, we just sort of hung out. I guess we got in trouble sometimes but nothing really bad. We might have skipped a few classes. S.L. I need you to be honest with me, if I am going to help you. You have to trust me. Try to be specific, what type of feelings did you have that you did not talk to your parents about? I.P Well sometimes I would be stressed about school or feeling a little depressed, not like really bad, but teenage anxiety, I sort of had this boyfriend, and I wondered if we should you know, go all the way or not. There were some kids that teased, but that is normal really, everyone gets teased about something. Just things like that. S.L. Did you boyfriend ever pressure? I.P. No, not really. S.L. You said some of the kids teased, what did they tease you about? I.P. The way I look, mostly, sometimes the way I dressed, about my chest, I was slow to develop and they called me flat, and said I looked like a boy. S.L. I need you to tell me in as much detail you can everything you remember about that night. The night of your parents death. Take your time and dont be rash. But I need to know everything that happened to you. I.P. It was a normal day, nothing unusual had happened, the evening of the"¦..incident, I was up in my room doing my homework listening to the radio. When I needed a drink, I walked out of my room into the kitchen. I could hear the TV on in the living, that was nothing unusual, they always watched TV in the evening after dinner. I got a soda when I thought I heard my name. I dont know which one called me but I stepped into the living room and then"¦.that is all. They were dead and there was blood and the TV was all static all of the sudden. S.L. You mean they were already dead when you found them? I.P. I dont know"¦..I mean when I first walked into the room I thought they were alive, sitting in the couch watching TV but then after that they were dead. S.L. Are you sure that is all? Think hard now, is there nothing else you can tell me? Even if you dont think it is important or significant I need you to tell me. You cant hold back on me if I am going to help you. I.P. Well, I dont know"¦.I thought"¦well there was something in the TV. In the static, that is why I remember it. There was something in the static of the TV, I dont know"¦I thought I heard something"¦.a voice"¦maybe the one that called my name, but I dont know. It was gone in an instant. I think"¦.I saw it before my parents"¦..I mean before I knew they were dead. After it was gone"¦.then I looked down and I was covered in blood and there were their bodies. S.L. What do you think it was? This thing you say in the TV? I.P. I dont know, it wasnt like anything I have ever seen before, I dont know what it was. If it was anything, I mean if it was really there, but I dont think I could have made it up. S.L. Do you believe in ghosts? I.P. I never really gave it much thought one way or the other. I dont know if I believe in them or not. I guess I am not really skeptic. It is possible I suppose that there could be ghosts. I never had an experience, never been to a haunted house as far as I can tell, but I dont think people that have had experiences with ghosts are necessarily lying or making it up. So I dont know if I really believe in ghosts, or just the idea of them. S.L. Do you think what you say could have been a ghost? I.P. No, I think maybe if it was I would have known, but it was not that. It was something else. I just know it was. S.L. Where your parents very religious? I.P. I dont think so, I mean I guess they believed in God, or I just assumed they did, but we never talked about religion, they never went to church, my mom might have had a copy of the bible. I thought I saw it once, but as far as I know she never read it. I guess we were just normal. I dont think they were atheists, but they were not fanatics or zealots or anything like that either. S.L. What about you? Do you have any beliefs? I.P. I guess in a way you could call me agnostic, sure I believe in something, but is it God? Or some other force? I dont know. I am not really committed to any belief, but I dont have a like of belief really. S.L. How do you feel about the Devil? I.P. I dont really believe in the Devil, I think evil comes from human will, the Devil was a piece of lore made up by the Christians, to help control the people and put fear into them and to demonize other religions. The Devil is a myth. S.L. You still believe that after what happened? After what you saw? I.P. I think I do, you mean do I think it was the Devil, no it was not that either. It was something on its own. S.L. You say evil is a human trait, how do you feel about what happened? Do you think you are evil? I.P. No I dont I have no memory of what I did and I have no reason why I would have done it, I had no will to do it. I dont even really know if I did it, I only know that logically there isnt any other solution. I dont want to hurt people, and I never really did, at least not what was beyond normal, everyone has certain thoughts you know. But mine were never about death or anything violent. There were people I did not like and sure maybe I wouldnt mind if bad things happened to them, but I never really wanted anyone to die. And everyone has negative thoughts sometimes. S.L. This thing you said you saw, have you ever seen it before? I.P. Not since my parents died"¦.were killed"¦that was the first time I saw it or anything like it. S.L. But not the last? You have seen it after? I.P. I dont know, I mean I told you, sometimes it is like I see it still now, at night when I go to sleep, but am I really seeing it or just remembering? I dont know. Room 85 Anthony Whites letters of apology
I am writing this to say that I am sorry, I am sorry for a lot of things. I know I have not been the best person in the world. And I probably owe a lot of people an apology, though I dont know all their names, or where to find them, so I write this to them all, though I dont suppose any of them will ever read these words. Perhaps I write this for myself, or for God. I have always believed in God, which might seem kind of funny sense I never would have thought myself a good person, but I have had a lot of time to think. One thing I can say is that I never hurt a person, not bodily. I aint done that before, I cannot say how this could have happened. I dont even know. But I guess that does not matter because it did happen and that is why I am here. Though how can I take responsibility for it, when I dont even feel like I done it? Now dont get me wrong, I have already freely admitted that I have done some bad things, so its not like I am trying to make excuses, but that is the thing. The things I have done, I know I did. I felt it, I make no bones about it, and I regret them now. But this, it aint the same thing. I dont really know what happened. I know what they told me, and maybe I remember some of it. But I dont remember doing anything. I remember the bodies after it was over. And you dont know how sorry I was. I screamed and I wept I even called 911, now why would I do that if I knew I was guilty? Even though she wasnt mine, I still loved that little girl, she was so precarious, I would have done anything for her, I would have lain down my life for her, but I could never have harmed her, I never would have even thought of doing that. How could I? I was a bad guy maybe, but not a monster. And her mother, I was hoping that maybe when I got my life straitened we could get married, maybe I could get a real job, but it was tough you know to get out of it. She always believed I was a good man somewhere inside, but maybe she was wrong, they would have been better if they never met me, but I swear I did not hurt them, I dont care what the evidence tells you or what you think about the things I have done. I was a petty criminal, a thief, I did drugs, nothing hard core though you know, I might smoke a little weed, but I aint never touched the hard stuff, and maybe I sold a little too, I have had my share of fights, but I aint never killed no one, never thought to. I broke into this house once, and the owners they was still home, I pulled a gun on them and I told them to get back upstairs in their room and I tied up you see, but I never wanted to hurt them, I never would have shot them, I know I should not have done that, and I am sorry about it. Something happened then on that day, and well you probably wont believe this, but who is going to believe anything I say now in the nuthouse? And well if I want forgiveness then I guess I got to tell the whole truth or else I am just lying to myself. I didnt want to say this. I dont want people getting the wrong idea, but well this is how it was. I didnt even tell the cops this, maybe if I did it would have made a difference and I would not be here, or maybe not. But I couldnt bring myself to say it. But the thing is this, it was her, the poor little girl, but it wasnt her"¦..I mean it looked like her but there was something else. She was not herself. I dont know if I am saying she was processed, I dont know if I believe in that, but I guess after this I could believe in anything cause I know she did not want to hurt anyone, she was not like that, but something else was there, something had a hold of her. She attacked her mother. I didnt know what to do, I was so confused so I tried to stop her. I did, and well it was like I didnt see her there no more, just this thing"¦"¦this horrible thing. And I just wanted to kill it but when her body went still, there was her body in my arms. Then her mother she came after me, but it wasnt her, it was that"¦.thing, you see it left the girl and now it was in the mother and she came at me and I was filled with such hate for that thing. I just went after it. I forget everything else. When it was over, there they were their bodies on the ground all bloody before me. But it wasnt them, I didnt do this to them. It was something else you see. I am not trying to make excuses, if I did this I would take responsibility. Like I do now for everything I have done, but you see this was different. I dont want to go to hell even if I dont deserve heaven, I regret the life I lived and the things I have done, and if I could I would change, but it is too late now, and I can never get the images out of my mind. I cant sleep no more at night. I just wanted to let everyone know that I have hurt and wronged, that I didnt mean it and I would take it back if I could, though I dont expect your forgiveness and I dont ask for it. Just understand I know I shouldnt of done those things and I would never do them again even if I wasnt locked up here. Peace Anthony White
Room 303 Last Will and Testament of Sam Rothford I never before thought of writing a will, I never really thought I needed on. I dont have much, and I suppose I never cared what happened to what I do have. I dont have good relations with my family. Not that they are bad kids, mistakes were made on both sides I guess. I dont think I was horrible to them, though perhaps I could have done more, but there were things they could have done as well. But now I feel as if I need to make myself clear. I really dont have any special wishes for my remains, what little I have shall be divided between my kids. This is not about worldly procession, but I need to tell my story, in a way that it will be heard and perhaps seem sincere, I thought my last words might best to that, for is this not the time I should be cleansing my soul? Not that I have ever been a highly religious man, but in death what reason have I to hide anything. It seems the most honest means of getting my story across, and a way where the people that matter will see it, that it will be given to them and not just shuffled away somewhere and forgotten about. Since I have been sent here none of my family has come to visit me, but that is not surprising, I do not know all of what they heard, and what they believe. If they think I could have really done it. I wish now to make a statement of my innocence. If it can be called that. I did not knowingly and willingly kill him. I loved him even if that was something hard for people to understand. I know what people think. That I did this out of some self-loathing or guilt for what I am, but that is not so, I felt no such animosity, I was comfortable with who I was, I am sorry for my family that I put them through this pain, and that it took me so long to see the truth, but I tell you that is not why I did it. I cannot quite explain what happened, only that I saw something, something whole unnatural, and it scared me, it scared me to the bone, and I felt I had to do something, I had to destroy. I was overcome with a rage like I have never before known. I was never a very violent man, but it was like an animal awakened within me, and I went after it with everything I had. When it was over, and I was sitting upon my knees in the blood, it was gone whatever it was, and Harold lay before my feet, his body, not that thing which I saw. I was stricken, I did not know what to do, I did not understand this. How could this has happened? I tell you I am not crazy, and never have been, this was something else, something real. I cannot bear this life anymore. I just keep seeing it over again and I keep waiting for it to come back. It is taunting me I think. That is why I had to write this. I wanted to tell the truth and to tell my family that I love them no matter what they might think, and I am sorry. Sincerely, Sam Rothford Room 96 The Story of Samantha Hayden I am writing this because I want to tell my story, leave some mark in the world before I go, though I will not give you a biography and tell you everything from my childhood until now. I wish instead to explain what happened. I want people to hear my voice and see my point of view so when it is all said and done it is not just second hand. I will tell you a little bit about myself so you might better understand me in relation to the events to come. I consider myself an average person. I never married because I have been so focused on school and then work, I work in accounting. Nothing too exciting and perhaps I have felt some disappointment in how my life turned out, though I suppose it was not a bad life. I had a nice house and lived in a good neighborhood, I would not consider myself rich, but I was well off enough. For the most part I lived alone, I never even had a dog, I did not think I had time for pets. I had a decent enough relationship with my parents, I did not see them much, mostly because I was so busy, or that is the excuse I used, not that I had any issues against them in which I wanted to avoid them. It just seemed like such a hassle to make time for them. I know how that must sound, but I am being honest here. I guess I was a selfish person for never making the time to have a family of my own, or for seeing much of my family, I had a two sisters and I usually only saw them on the holidays, we did not hang out socially, most of this was my own fault. I kept myself isolated in my work and I am not certain why. That is what I identified with above anything else, but now I regret that and wish I could things back, but there is no point in such wishes. One of my sisters had gotten herself into some trouble, though this is my story and not hers I wont go into details of that, I do not feel it my place to divulge her, only myself, needless to say she needed a place to stay, our other sister, though she was closer to, had her own family and a hectic life and she did not wish to crowd on her or be a burden so she called me. I had no reason to decline and I really did not mind, it was not as if I did not care about my sisters and so she came to stay at my place. She came one night after she had been out, clubbing or bar hopping or something involving the social scene and was finishing up on some paperwork when I heard the door. I figured it was her and at first I did not think anything of it, but then I heard something like a voice, though I cannot say what it was, I do not recall what it said, if I ever knew. It startled me and I rose to see what was going on. I was thinking my sister brought someone home with her, and that did somewhat annoy me but when I got there I saw"¦"¦I dont know what I saw, but it was not my sister it was this thing"¦.it was inhuman and grotesque and it seemed to inhibit my sisters body. I felt the need to drive it out. It was an uncontrollable urge, everything happened in a blur that I cannot recall the events or the act itself only what I felt and then realizing after that my sisters body laid at my feet. I felt sick and turned to vomit. My head was spinning I could not believe what I had done, I did not recall doing it or know how it happened. I could do nothing but call 911, but I did not know what to tell them. Now I can bear it no longer, that voice I still hear it from time to time when I am alone, but still I cannot tell you what it says, and what happened, it replays in my mind over and over again. It seems like I must be crazy, but I do not feel crazy but then I wonder do crazy people feel somehow like they are different then everyone else? Or do they feel normal in their own world? But that is just it I dont feel quite normal, but I do not think I am crazy. I cannot believe I am making all this in my head but then if I really was crazy would I know? I can no longer live this way. I think if I am not crazy I will drive myself to it if I try to continue on. Yours truly, Samantha Hayden
Room 127 Interview with Kevin Reeds Conducted by Dr. Stephan Ludwin S.L. Can you state your name please? K. R. Kevin Reeds S.L. How hold are you Kevin? K.R. 8 years old S.L. Can you tell me in your own words what happened? K.R. I dont know, I cant remember anything. We were sitting and watching TV, she always let me stay up and watch scary movies my parents didnt let me. When I looked up and she looked different. She wasnt there anymore. Something else, like something from the movies we use to watch was sitting there. I remember a strange feeling, and then everything went all blurry, and I heard my mother screaming. I was standing there I think and she was laying in the floor. There was all this blood. S.L. She? Can you tell me who she was? K.R. My babysitter, her name was Carol S.L. Did she baby sit you often? K.R. Yes, all the time S.L. Did you like her? K.R. Yes we always got along, I would never hurt her. She let me eat ice cream when it was late, and stay up past my bed time. And watch movies with her. S.L. Did she ever get mad at you, yell at you or punish you? 11:36 AM - 9/12/2006 - post comment
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 Quote of the Week: Faith whic does not doubt is dead faith ~ Migeul de Uamuno
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