The Visitor

This is something that I have not spoken to anyone about before, in part becasue I was never quite sure what to tell them, or what it means if anything. I do not know for certain even now, if it is something sepreate from myself, an entity outside of myself, or if it is a part of myself, something created and brought to life by my own sub-concisious. I often question this and cannot find the answer to it.

Ever sense I was in highschool, somewhere abouts I do not remeber exzactly when it began I incurred a visistior as I call him for lack of a better word not knowing truly what he is. I have no name for him as he has not given me any. His visits are infrequent, that is to say those times when he acutally makes himself known to me, comes forth and contacts me in someway, engages with me. I have never acutally seen him, he has not taken any physcial form before me, but I have an image inplanted in my mind what he looks like, all but his face which remains unclear to me, though I can see it, it is not completely discribely it is through a haze. Sometimes I can feel him, his touch. And he speaks to me in my mind. He comes to me most often at times when I am the most alone and seculed, most particuarly when I am in the shower. And speficially the shower, when I am taking a bath he remains at bay, though there have been times when I have just been brushing my teeth or drying off that I feel him there close. Almost as if I could see him in the mirror but when I look up there is nothing. I have often wondered if he were not in some way connected to water beacuse of this.

But even when he does not directly come to me, his pressence seems to be one of constance. He is the one on those days when you kow you are not quite alone, when you feel you are being watched almost or that there is something or someone else there. The one who just waits silently in the shadows. I can sense him sometimes when I am home alone and move throughout the house. There have been times when I could feel him standing directly behind me.

Just what he wants, or why he is here I still do not yet know, there is a darkness to him, and I do not trust him, but nor do I feel a need to fear him, there is a hostility to him, but I do not find him to be directly dangerous to me. If he was to be given a name, one might call him a demon but not in the traditional hollywood or Christain sense of the word, as demons have lived long before Christainty and they are not always as simple and one-dimoensional was they are in Christianty, they are not even nessciarly all simple pure evil, vile beasts, they have complexties. Some even have thier own codes, and sense of honor, but that perhaps is a topic for another day.

There is a canralness to him something primitve and yet sophesictated and intelligent, some might think of him as Sin itself, but of course from my beleif syetem these "sins" are not truly evil bad things, they are just part of are animal nature, and a part that should not nessciarly be shunned and ignored.

I do not know why he came, or from what he came, nor why he is here, his motives still baffle me, and he does not make clear what he wants, it is as if this is all a game to him in some way, or perhaps a test of some sort.

The other thing that I noticed though he seems to be attached to me individually, that is to say he is not a ghost, a haunt, or a spirit of some sort, but something more, he does not seem to follow me out of the boundry to the house.

12:20 PM - 2/1/2007 - post comment

For though All are not able to write books, all conceive themselves able to judge them. ~The Monk

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