Forgiveness

Fenton stepped into the apartment pushing the door closed behind him. He was feeling exhausted from his confrontation with Sasha and with every step closer to home he felt the weight of doom and fear of loosing the one thing that had mattered to him. He was taken by surprise when he saw Erila passed out upon the couch, her hair hung within her face, as her head was propped just against the arm rest, with one of her arms curled around it as extra cushion, her other arm dangling off the side of the couch. She was still fully clothed. Her own dress was much the contrast to Sasha’s. Unlike the slick form fitting straight skirted garment of this modern age, Erila, preferred a more classical gown of fanciful silk with full long skirts which were now splayed out around her. The mask sat upon the coffee table. Where Sasha was tall and slender, Erila had always been petite with full soft curves and there seemed to be about her always this look of innocence, her eyes were always so alive and vibrant, and there is a wit and intellgence about her, yet beneath her softness there was an underlying stubbornness and will, she was not a weak woman but she had a gentle manner about her.

Standing just in front of the door looking down upon her slumbering form Fenton felt the overpowering urge to protect her from the world itself. The idea that he could ever hurt her, in any way, was unconceivable. "What have I done" he whispered to himself, he wanted no more then anything at this moment to tell her everything from the beginning, including what he had done, but he could not, the words would not come out no matter how hard he tried, and the very thought of it gave him a headache.

He slowly walked to the couch and reached out one of his hands stroking his fingers softly through his hair before leaning down to press his lips against her forehead. He stood up slowly and was about to turn to walk back toward the bedroom to let her sleep when he paused upon hearing a noise and looked back to watch as she began to stir. He felt his heart freeze at the moment, as he had no idea what to expect from her now.

Erila opened her eyes slowly as she began to lift her head from the couch, her eyes which were now swollen and red and her cheeks still streaked in now dried tears, would fall upon Fenton. At first she found herself at a complete loss, she felt totally drained, she was no longer angry nor grieved but an emptiness had fallen over her. "How could you?" the words came out dull and hallow to her ears, as if spoken from some distant part of her, while she inched her way up to sit more fully upon the couch. She appeared almost as a broken doll, slumped back against the couch, with her hands limply resting in her lap and her dress spread out around her.

It was a heart wrenching sight for Fenton. What could he possibly say? He knew he had to try somehow he could not leave things like this; he could not let her think he would ever hurt her in such a way. But how? The truth stuck within his throat and refused to come out. He wanted to go to her, to take her in his arms, but he stayed his distance standing just alongside the couch aware of nothing else in the room. "I didn’t, it is not what you think you"¦you have to listen to me"¦I would"¦.could"¦never do anything to hurt you"¦"

Erila rose now from the couch feeling a bit more vigor return to her, she knew she could not hide from this and walk away form it, she had thought long and hard over everything before Fenton returned home, but she had to hold her ground, she could not let him off without first trying to press him for some explanation despite what conclusions she had come up with, she needed to be sure of herself. "What do you mean? What was it then"¦..what were you doing there? Who are you really?"

Fenton glanced down a moment feeling himself unable to meet her gaze but his head would raise again he felt the words upon his lips he intended to say but they fell away into silence and he inwardly cursed himself. "I cannot tell you. Trust me, I want to I really do, but I just cannot, you have to understand, I physically cannot tell you. I am sorry, I can only ask that you find some truth in my words that you know, I am still the person I was before, the one who you fell in love with, and the one who still loves you, but something happened."

Erila had to admit that what he said made far more sense then the idea that all this time he had been lying to her, and that she could have been lead astray for so long, it was the conclusion she had come to in her own assessment of everything which happened, but at the same time she feared perhaps she was just lying to herself, how could she be certain and what did he mean that he could not tell her? Somehow he must have gotten himself into something and was over his head, though that thought brought her no more comfort then the idea he had been using her. "What can you tell me?"

Fenton knew he would have to choose his words very carefully wondering just how he might give her some clue in a way he would be allowed to do so. "Do you remember that day of our anniversary?" It was an honest and ambiguous enough question with not enough of a direct tie to the truth that he just got away with it. Erila was puzzled by this but she would acquiesce if she wished to get answers of any sort and she could see he was trying the best that he could. "Yes, is that when"¦.this thing happened?" He knew he could not answer her, but he would have to find a way to lead her. "Tell me everything you remember about that night"

Erila would take a moment to giver it some thought before she would begin to speak, "We decided to go back to the club where we first meant, though we both had hated it, we thought it would be a good laugh, though we did not stay long, I remember we did dance for a while, but there was this one incident, it really did not seem like a big deal at the time. There was this man, he was drunk I think or just a wiseass but he came up to us and made some remarks he might have bumped into me or grabbed at me, I cannot remember entirely, but you were so angry, in a way it was sweet really. It is rare to find someone anymore with such chivalry, but I did not want our evening to be ruined or for anything to happen to you, so I convinced you to just let it go, that it was not worth it, it was not long after that we just went home and had a quiet evening together, and well perhaps a not so quiet evening once we retreated to the bedroom before we would be eventually go to sleep."

Fenton would listen to her as she unfurled the story, though it did make his mind start to work, could it be? Perhaps it was a long shot, but is it possible that after she had gone to sleep, he had hunted that man down and that was the one whose bodily remains he was discovered with by Sasha? It could explain what had brought out the rage and the"¦beast as he had come to call it, out of him, but there was no proof no way to confirm this, he remembered for a week after the incident he had scoured the papers for any news upon the story about a body found or a person missing, but there had been nothing, nothing that described or related to what he had experienced, as if it never happened. He tried to think of another question he could ask her. "And, that is all you remember? There was nothing unusual or strange? You do not remember waking up at any point during the night and finding me missing?" Erila would slowly shake her head though she let his words sink in, she knew he was trying to tell her something important. "No I believe I slept through the night."

Fenton did not know if he should be relived or disappointed, perhaps a part of him was glad that she had not at the time been lead to any suspicious about him, yet at the same time if she had remembered just something more, maybe it could better explain everything to her. "I am sorry, I do not think I can tell you anything more"

11:35 PM - 4/8/2007 - post comment

Quote of the Week: Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted ~ Italian Proverb

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