Death

For reasons that I cannot explain, I have very strong reservations and an almost phobic feeling of things which are dead, which is quite odd in particular for someone like myself, considering, I do not think my fear and repulsion has anything to do with normal fears about confronting my own mortality, or just uneasiness about death in genreal that many people have, because I do not think that I suffer from such things, I feel comftrable with the idea of death and I have been around death and experinced it on many different levels particuarly considering that I have had animals all my life so I am familar with death and belive that I have a healthy relationship with it. As well my intrests in gerneal tend to be very dark and macbre. The idea of death itself is not a bother to me.

I also do not tend to be squmish or have a weak stomach, sights of blood and gore do not naususte me or cause me to feel light headed, I can look at very grusome things withut much of a physcial reaction or feeling of sickness. So it is not like I feel sick or ill or have any bodily reaction when I see something dead.

My reservations on death are completely irrational and not explained by any of the normal reasons.

I am comftrable around all animals, and I am not given to having any animal phobias, really, it does not matter how creepy or crawely the animal is, or if it slithers, or is slimey or has six legs or eight or none, and so on. I will handle any sort of animal if the nescceistiy to do so comes up, but when it comes to dealing with dead animals I just cannot do it. There is just something about the idea of touching a lifeless form in which the energy and spirit has long left that just really repells me and it is not becasue I am just grossed out by it.

I remeber one time there was this dead cockroach on the floor in the kitchen, I do not know if it accidnetly got stepped on or what, but whenever I went into the kitchen I would not want to walk past it or near it, and tried to aviod as much as possible, but I could not just leave it there on the floor, and if it had been alive, I would have thought nothing of just putting a cup over it, scooping it up and taking it outside. But becasue it was dead I did not want to go anywhere near to it, though it did not even look smashed or anything. It was just sitting there dead. Though as much as I tried to reason with myself I really did not want to have anything to do with it or to touch it. But like I said, it was not becasue I felt like ewe that is gross. But eventurally I finally did pick it up with a paper towl and dump it out.

And then the same thing happend to me when I was at my uncles cabin. There was a dead millipede on the floor, and I had to pick it up and get rid of it, and I really did not want to, I did not want to touch it, but again if it had been alive I would have just scooped it up on something and took it outside, I have held milipedes in my hand before without being bothered by it.

And I keep my occsionaly, usually when I get them for my snake and he decides he is not hungery and does not eat them, I will keep it as a pet but then when they die, I don't wnat to have anything to do with it, or to have to touch it, and I hate it when I have take them out.

For me there is just something about touching the empty shell of a souless body that I do not like

10:34 AM - 10/19/2007 - post comment

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