I Monster

Sometimes I feel like an awful person, but well I have this frined, and we are really close good frineds and have known each other for a long time, and all in all he is a great guy and we are really like brother and sister, but me being the way I am, sometimes I just really need my own personal space and need to just be alone, and not be around anyone else, not see anyone else not have to talk to anyone else or worry about anyone else but just be left completely to myself. I need that sort of solitude and peace. It is really crucial to my sanity I think, but my friend he is online like 27/7. And so for me that would be like if he were living in my house with me and alwyas always there. It is just a bit too much to take, and overwhelms me at times.

The only way to aviod it is to not be online, but then I have things to do on the computer, that don't neccaiarly envolve socializing and I don't want to be driven off my own computer becasue of it, but I cannot say anything to him about it, becasue then he would take it all perosnally and compeltely misunderstand where I am comming from and well I cannot just say to him, you are online too much and I wish you would just chill out and not talk to me so much cause it is driving me crazy. But becasue I do not know what to do, and it is just too much for me, it has made me start to become withdrawn.

I will ignore him for long periods of time when he is talking and then just everynow and then think I guess I should respond so he does not think I am ignorning him and so I will say some insignficant coment just to make it seem like I am still there and paying attention even though I don't really care in the current state of my mind, and I will cringe when he does IM me, and give very short, half-assed responses to what he says. Sometimes when we are in the middle of talking I will just sign off becasue without saying anything becasue it is too much and I need to get away, and if I see him online I won't IM him to say hi.

What is really bad, is right now they are having some finicial troubles and though I hope things work out for the best, they are thinking, him and his wife, that they might have to get rid of one of thier computers, because at first they only had one, which was mostly his wifes but she let him use it, then he got his own which is when he started being online all the time, and a part of me hopes they do go back to having one computre so he will not be online quite so much to give me something of a break. Because there is nothing I can say without sounding like a bitch, but then I suppose that would not be any worse then the way I have been acting lately.

2:46 PM - 11/9/2007 - post comment

Quote of the Week: We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another--Jonathan Swift

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