You so dumb

Ok I just thought this was a hysterical Sara Palin joke on the Daily Show

Sara Palin is so dumb, she thinks billboards are postcards from giants.

Something about that just really cracked me up.

11:07 PM - 11/6/2008 - comments {0} - post comment

New Words

My sister sent this to me and I just had to post becasue I thought it was hillarious

> > The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once
> again asked readers to
> >> > take any word from the dictionary, alter it
> by adding, subtracting,
>
> >> > or changing one letter, and supply a new
> definition.
> >> >
> >> > Here are some of the winners:
> >> >
> >> > Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax
> refund, which lasts until
> >> > you realize it was your money to start with.
> >> >
> >> > Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a
> hillbilly.
> >> >
> >> > Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
> people that stops
> >> > bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone
> layer, unfortunately,
> >> > shows little sign of breaking down in the
> near future.
> >> >
> >> > Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,
> which renders the
> >> > subject financially impotent for an
> indefinite period.
> >> >
> >> > Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very
> high.
> >> >
> >> > Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of
> sarcastic wit and the
> >> > person who doesn't get it.
> >> >
> >> > Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when
> you are running late.
> >> >
> >> > Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
> >> >
> >> > Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This
> one got extra credit.)
> >> >
> >> > Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is
> sending off all these
> >> > really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
> Earth explodes and
> >> > it's like, a serious bummer.
> >> >
> >> > Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
> through the day
> >> > consuming only things that are good for you.
> >> >
> >> > Glibido: All talk and no action.
> >> >
> >> > Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas
> to seem smarter when
> >> > they come at you rapidly.
> >> >
> >> > Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
> performed just after
> >> > you've accidentally walked through a
> spider web.
> >> >
> >> > Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a
> mosquito, that gets into
> >> > your bedroom at three in the morning and
> cannot be cast out.
> >> >
> >> > Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after
> finding half a worm in
> >> > the fruit you're eating.
> >> >
> >> > Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about
> yourself for the purpose of
> >> > getting laid.
> >> >
> >> > And the pick of the literature:
> >> >
> >> > Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and
> an asshole.

4:44 PM - 8/20/2008 - comments {1} - post comment

What Your Snack Food Says About You

I always find things like Horoscopes, asrology, numerology, and varrious other little pesonality tests to be interesting and amsuing, though I never take them seriously, it is fun to see when they are really right on the money, and well sometimes they are way off.

So in Utne I found this one that I thought was kind of fun.

What does your faveorite junkfood say about you?

Tortilla Chips

You're a perfecionist. You're successful and ambitious and you like to plan ahead. You have a strong sense of social responseablity and abhor injustice.

Pretzels

You're the life of the party. You love novelty and can quickly become bored with routine. You tend to start new projects before completing exisiting ones.

Cheese curls

You have a high sense of morals and ethics and insit upon treeting everyone fairly. You might seem uptight, but you're highly organized and methodical.

Popcorn

You're a take-charge type, but with a modest, low-key demeeanor. Confident but reserved, you would amke a large charitable donation without telling someone.

Nuts

You're even-tempered, easy to get along with, and highly empathetic. You're easy going, cooperative nature contributes to success at home and at work.

Potato Chips

You're achivement orinated, successful, and compeitive. You're a natural leader but can be easily irritated with inconvenicens like long lines and trafic jams.

Crackers

You're contemplative, thoughtful, and often a loner. You prefer private time and shy away from confrontation and arguments; you can't stand to hurt another person's feelings.

Meat snaks (like beef jerky)

You're gregarious and generous, and you tend to be loyal to a fault.

12:24 PM - 7/23/2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Rules for a Misanthrope to Live By

I was insipred to do this by a coment made by fightingfemale on one of my other posts.

Rules of the Misanthrope

1.The Internet is an excellent device for every misanthrope to use. There is one fine line which should be understood between misanthropes and the rest of the world, and that is though the misanthrope will despise socialization, that does not mean they do not have any use or interest in intellectual stimuli. In fact it is often this draw to the intellectual  that causes the misanthrope to retreat from the world, as they do not find their needs being met in society at large. Misanthropes have little interest in having mundane conversations with mere acquaintances or strangers. They do not wish to discuss the weather with their neighbors. They do not want the person standing in line behind them in the grocery store to engage them in some conversation or for the general public to feel the need to address them. They do not want to tell random people or people they barely now how they feel and talk about their day. The Internet allows the misanthrope to have complete and total control over their interactions with others. They can target their areas of interest and engage only in the discussions they want to engage in on the terms in which they choose. As well it allows conversation without socialization. 

2. A misanthrope should not be tempted to answer the phone. Most people feel the need to answer the phone whenever it rings. Their egoism makes them always think "What if is an emergency" or "What if it is so and so" and yet more than half the time, it is in fact a telemarketer. The misanthrope does not worry about answering the phone. The misanthrope does not want to be annoyed with sales people and have their day interrupted and risking such an interruption is not worth the possibility that it might actually be important. The misanthrope assumes that if it is a family member or someone they know, then such person will leave a message, and if it is not worth leaving a message for, it is not with answering the phone for. 

3. There are certain terms in which a misanthrope may own a cell phone. Only a misanthropes closest, dearest friends, and immediate family members should have your cell phone number. A misanthrope should not carry their cell phone with them at all times whenever they are in public, and should not use it for idle chitter chatter. As well a misanthrope should never have blue tooth attached to his or her ear. A misanthropes should only have their cell phone with them, and turned on, if they are expecting someone specific to be in touch with them, or think a friend or family member might be needing to call them. At all other times the misanthropes cell phone should remain turned off and at home. 

4. A misanthrope should not enjoy team sports. Now the reason for this should go without explanation. Misanthropes do not play well with others and do not like working in groups. Misanthropes should have a preference for individual sports. Such things as boxing, martial arts, horse racing, equestrian, jousting, fencing...etc. anything in which one does not rely upon a team but only themselves. Sense it is coming up, I will mention, that it is ok for a misanthrope to enjoy the Olympics, becasue many of these events are about the personal and individual triumph.  

5. A misanthrope should not try an alter their appearances for the sake of fitting into society. Misanthropes do not bother with wearing make-up, shaving, dressing a certain way, having to fix their hair perfect every time they are about to step out of the door, using perfume, cologne, and so forth, merely for the sake of being worried about how other people might perceive them or because they feel they have to fit into some standard of society. Misanthropes do not care what anyone else might think. This does not men a misanthrope cannot engage in such practices as mentioned above, but when they do it, they must do it solely because they want to do it for themselves and because they personally feel like doing it. Not because they feel obligated to do it. And not so that other people will view them a certain way. This also goes the other way as well. Being that a misanthrope should not get a bunch of piercings and tattoos, or a bright pink mohawk, or should not dress in a certain counter-culture way just for the sake of standing out from society, for this is another form of being influenced by other people. And is still doing something because you want to be viewed a certain way by others. Anything a misanthrope does must be soles out of their individual desire to do so, and pleasing themselves. 

6. Misanthropes do not like physical contact. It should be no surprise, that misanthropes have a general dislike for having any sort of physical contact with other human beings. There are a few exceptions to this rule, which are at the digression of each individual misanthrope to decide what those exceptions are for themselves. But as a whole, misanthropes are not touchy feely. They do not like hugs from people, particularly people with whom they barely know, and they would prefer to avoid handshakes with others as well, and any other sort of greeting in which the misanthrope much touch another human being. The best way for a misanthrope to greet another person, is through some version or form of the martial arts bow.

7. Misanthropes tell it like it is. Because misanthropes do not care about what other people think, and the misanthrope thinks it is silly for any one else to worry about the opinions of others, misanthropes do not sugar coat things, or just say what they think the other person wants to hear. They do not care what the other person wants to hear, they do not try and spare the feelings of others. This does not mean the misanthrope should in fact intentionally try to be mean for the sake of being men, but rather, they should speak the plain and simple truth. If a person seeks the advice of a misanthrope, the misanthrope should not be sympathetic  and comforting and take pity upon the other person. They should speak without restraint, and just call it as they see it. The verbal slap in the face as it were. A misanthrope should be direct with their feelings and opinions.

8. Misanthropes believe in personal reasonability. This one is pretty self-explanatory, but the misanthrope believes that a person is directly responsible for their own actions, decision, and situation. Misanthropes believe in holding people accountable for the things they do and do not believe in trying to find some sort of outside excuse or something to blame other than the individual. Though situations might occur in which a person really does not have control, the misanthrope believes that every thing comes down to a matter a choice. A person always can choose what they do, the choices offered may not always be pretty or easy, but there is always a choice. Misanthropes do not believe in protecting people from themselves if one does something stupid, they deserve the consequences of that action.

9. Misanthropes should not form groups. It is common that if two misanthropes come across each other, they might find some common ground with each other, and it is fine for misanthropes to communicate with each other and exchange ideas, even become friends, but a misanthrope cannot get the idea of forming some sort of social group with fellow misanthropes. As doing so would be in direct contradiction to being a misanthrope. If more than 3 misanthropes should get together in the same place intentionally, and interact in a social way with each other, than by definition you are no longer misanthropes. As a misanthrope you cannot try and have the best of both worlds, as they say.

4:28 PM - 6/19/2008 - comments {2} - post comment

Darwin Winner

I wanted to offer my congratulations to a young Finnish man who has done the world at large a favor by removing himself from society via his own stupidity. 

He and some of his friends were staying at this hotle when the others in thier party decided to go to bed a young Finnish man 29 years old, and one of his friends, decided to stay up and have a spitting contest over the balcony of the hotel. When the honoree of this little story, got the brilliant idea to give himself a running start. He backed up into the hotel room, and ran acorss the room, out the door to the balcony, but becasue of the moentum he gained, when he reached the rail of the balcony, and leaned over to unleash, he ended up going right over the side. I do not know how many stories it was that he fell, but enough so that it killed him.

8:06 AM - 5/21/2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Oh Jesus

I love irony. There are just some things you come across in day to day life, that one just could not make up that really are quite amusing. And to me some of the best kind if irony, is the unintended kind. I wish I had my camera with me, and that I was not in the car driving past, so I could have taken a picture of this, for it really was quite classic. 

As I was on my way home from dinner, by the roadside there was a cannel, and graffitied onto one of the cement walls of the canal was a heart with the words "I Love You Jesus" and than a little cross under that. So someone trespassed on, and than defaced private property, as a means to express there love for Jesus.

7:30 PM - 5/18/2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Boring Day

I am sooo bored today, that I wrote this Parody of the System of a Down song Lonely Day, now I love that song, it is one of my faveorites, but I thought it would be fiting and momentarily amusing to make a Parody of it, replacing the word lonely with boring.

Boring Day

4:24 PM - 2/16/2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Pagan Zydeco

I decided to post the lyrics of one of my faveorite songs.

hey all you Wiccans and you Druids
  who like to drink fermented fluids
  it's time to hit the old terrazzo
  and do the Pagan Zydeco

  I tell you what we're gonna do
  we're gonna chant some mumbo jumbo
  stir up a cauldron full of rioux
  brew a big batch of Pagan gumbo

  (chorus)

    so grab a chick or daddy-o
    do the Pagan Zydeco
    and maybe later on tonite
    you'll get to dance in the Great Rite

  we're gonna call the etouffe folk
  to come and dance around the fire
  Alister Crowlfish he done awoke
  to some tasty drumbalia

  we're gonna summon Aphrodite
  and maybe even Thor the Mighty
  we're gonna call Pan and Diana
  right from the swamp in Luziana

  (chorus)

  we're gonna invite Dionysus
  to help us keep the party ragin
  we're gonna revel in our vices
  just like a bunch of Celtic Cajuns

  we're gonna spin the wheel around
  we're gonna let the bon ton roulez
  and when we dance on sacred ground
  well jacamo fie na nay

  (chorus)

    do the Pagan Zydeco
    come on and let your spirits flow
    blessed be, iko iko
    do the Pagan Zydeco

8:45 AM - 2/5/2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition

This one is a speical request

Down went the gun-ner, a bul - let was his fate
Down went the gun-ner, and then the gun-ner's mate
Up jumped the sky pi-lot, gave the boys a look
And manned the gun him-self as he laid a-side TheBook, shout-ing:

"Praise The Lord, and pass the am-mu-ni-tion!
Praise The Lord, and pass the am-mu-ni-tion!
Praise The Lord, and pass the am-mu-ni-tion and we'll all stay free!

Praise The Lord, and swing in-to po-si-tion, 
Can't af-ford to sit a-round a'-wish-in'
Praise The Lord, we're all be-tween per-dition 
and the deep blue sea!"

Yes the sky pi-lot said it You've got to give him cred-it
for a son-of-a-gun of a gun-ner was he,
Shouting: "Praise The Lord, 
we're on a might - y mis-sion!
All a-board! We're not a - go - in' fish-in',
Praise The Lord, and pass the am-mu-ni-tion
and we'll all stay free."

3:29 PM - 2/4/2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Real Old Time Religion

I found this amusing, it is a play upon the Christian Hymn, Gimme That Old Time Religion.

We will sing for great Diana,
Who will teach us love and honor,
But you truly gotta wanna!
And she's good enough for me.

Young Bacchus in the springtime,
Leads the dancers round the grapevine--
Soon those grapes are gonna be wine,
And that's good enough for me.

It was good for fair Apollo,
For the Sun's rays he doth follow,
He'll be back again tomorrow,
And that's good enough for me.

We will go and worship Vesta,
For her cooking is the best-a,
All the food at the fiesta,
Which is good enough for me.

We will call on Minerva.
If you really want to serve her,
Learn crafty wisdom further,
That's good enough for me.

We will all go worship Plutus,            
And with riches he'll salute us,          
All that gold would surely suit us,       
And it's good enough for me.           

There's that lusty old Priapus,
He's just itching to unwrap us.
(He'd do more to us than tap us,
And that's good enough for me.)

At the dancing Pan will gloat
And to yells give lusty throat-
He could really get your goat,
But he's good enough for me.

Let us dance with Dionysus
And get drunk on wine and spices,
The Christians call them "vices,"
But they're good enough for me.

We had better worship Neptune,       
We had better worship Neptune,      
If we don't we'll all be wet soon,  
And that's wet enough for me!

We worship Aphrodite,
Though she's a little flighty,  
She never wears a nighty,
And she's good enough for me.

We will all bow down to Venus,
As we dance upon Mt. Zenos,
We will worship with our....voice,
And that's good enough for me.

To Our Lady of Ephesians,    
Who has taps for all secretions,
We'll dance for all the seasons,
Which is good enough for me.

At Troy nobody was mean-a
Than the Great Goddess Athena,
Mopped them up with Ajax clean-a,
And that's good enough for me.

Let us all join with the Dryads,     
Let us all join with the Dryads,     
Trees may not be quite the Triad,    
But they're good enough for me.    

Let's dance with the Bacchantes,
For they're not your maiden Aunties,
And they don't wear underpanties,
But they're wild enough for me.

You can dance and wave the thyrsos
And sing lots of rowdy verses--        
Till the neighbors holler curses,    
And that's good enough for me!

When the Wild Hunt fills the evening,
With a howling and a screaming,
Diana's eyes are a gleaming,
And that's where I wanna be.

We will sing a verse for Eris
(Golden apples for the fairest!)
Though she sometimes likes to scare us,
But she's good enough for me.

Let us sing to old Discordia,
Cause it's sure she's never bored ya,
And if she's good enough for ya,
Then she's good enough for me.

I asked questions of the Sybil,
And she gave me back a riddle,
And she left me in a muddle,
But that's good enough for me.

When we all bowed down to Nuit,
There was really nothin' to it,      
(Alex Sanders made me do it...)  
But that's good enough for me.  

Let us not forget ol' Isis,
She will help you thru your crisis,
'N make your magic glow brightest,
And that's good enough for me.

Bumper stickers of all sizes,
At quite reasonable prices,
They say, "'Ankh' if you love Isis,"
And that's good enough for me.

We will worship feline Bast,
Though we know she's sort of fast,
Pass the mice and raise the glass,
She's sure good enough for me.

We will have a mighty Party
In the honor of Astarte,      
Grab your chiton - don't be tardy,
'Cause she's good enough for me.

We will go and worship Baal,
For he is the Lord of All,
In the fields and in the hall,
He is good enough for me.

If you're really into dancing,
And you wanna try some trancing,
Then the Voodoo gods are prancing,
And that's good enough for me.      

Was a time, so I've heard tell-a,
Fine and promising young fella,
Gave his all to serve Cybele,
But that's damn well not for me!

There are some that call it folly
When we worship Mother Kali.
She may not be very jolly,        
But she's good enough for me.

We will sing a verse for Loki,
He's the old Norse god of Chaos,
Which is why this verse don't
rhyme or scan or nothin'
But it's good enough for me...

We'll sing a verse for Thor,
In bed, he's not a bore,
That hammer isn't all he's famous for,
So he's good enough for me.

Let us join the Earth Spirits,
Let us join the Earth Spirits, 
By the stones they will heal us,
And its good enough for me.  

We will party with the Sidhe
For a hundred years or three,
And get duct-taped to a tree,
And that's good enough for me.

Nous nous appellons Druides
Et nous sommes del'Atlantide.
C'est peut-etre un peu stupide,
Mais c'est mon bon avis.

Well old Gerald got it goin',
Old Gerald got it goin',
Now a Wiccan wind is blowin',
And that's good enough for me.

Joining at our Witching hour,
By bud and leaf and flower,
We'll raise a cone of power,
That's good enough for me.

We will worship Frey and Freya,
Yao and Vesta, Lugh and Gaia,
Any more? Perun! and Maia!
That's still not enough for me!

Oh my neighbor is a Buddhist,
And my roommate is Voodooist,
Me, I'm just a nudist,
But that's good enough for me.

1:04 PM - 2/4/2008 - comments {4} - post comment

You just can't make this stuff up

Ok I just had to post this becasue I found it so increabdly funny, this was an acutal e-mail that I got from my school, I assure you I have changed nothing.

The subject of the e-mail was:

For Prospective and/or Current Teaching Credential Students: CCC_STUDENTS

and then when I opend it up, this is what I read:

Misti Winters, one of the Admissions Coordinators for the Credential Student Service Center, will have office hours on the Concord Campus on Monday, September 10th. She will be located on the first floor of the Academic Services Building from noon to 6pm. This will be followed by an Admissions Advisement Presentation in the Oak Room at 6pm. We invite students in the Concord area to meet with Ms. Winters and to submit credential-related materials for delivery to the CSSC.

We also invite members of the public to stop by to make inquiries about CSUEB credential programs.

Ok for thos of you who do not have my sense of humur, and do not instantly see what is so funny about this, as I immidately did, then let me just elabroate.

Is Misti Winters not, a complete and total stripper name? And is it not funny, that the Addmissions Coordinator for Credential Student Service Center would just so happen to have such a name.

And that after reading  For Prospective and/or Current Teaching Credential Students: CCC_STUDENTS, the very first think I see is Misti Winters.

P.S. For those of you starting to panic, no I do not personaly have any intrest in the Credential program and I am not going to become a teacher, your children are safe. But I am on a Liberal Studies Major which follows close to the Credential Track.

4:13 PM - 8/30/2007 - comments {1} - post comment

Make Someone Happy

President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney
> were flying on Air Force 
>  One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said,
> 'You know, I could throw a
>  $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make
> somebody very happy.'    
>                                                    
>                       
>  Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could
> throw ten $100 bills   
>  out of the window and make ten people very happy' 
>                       
>                                                    
>                       
>  Cheney added, 'That being the case, I could throw
> one hundred $10 bills   
>  out of the window and make a hundred people very
> happy.'                  
>                                                    
>                       
>  Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes
> and said to his         
>  co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there. Sh*t, I could
> throw all of y'all    
>  a$$es out of the window and make 56 million people
> very happy.'           
>                                                    

8:39 PM - 8/28/2007 - comments {3} - post comment

Quote of the Week: Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted ~ Italian Proverb

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