i feel so low today. i was able to contact my ex a few minutes ago over the fone. just wanted to ask how was he doing. there was so much silence and akwardness between us now. i asked him if he has plans on coming back, coz he's been abroad for three years now, (he left march 12th, 2004). and he said that its quite not possible financially. i felt so hurt, it seems that there's no reason for him anymore to come back, i felt my tears threatening to fall down my eyes so i said my goodbye. at least give me pride, i dont want to plead anymore for him to return to me, or love me back. but deep in my heart i still hope that someday. somehow, he'll realize that i truly love him.

now, alone, i am crying. i am still in love with him. i still have hopes for us. i sometimes dont know what to do anymore. i kept on hiding behind a mask. to the world, i pretend that i am alright and happy. but at night and when im alone, i cant help my tears....

I Starr