7/2/2007 - Healed

I've since learned..we all are just regular people seeking the same thing. The guy on the street, the woman in the classroom, the Israeli, the Afghani, the Zuni, the Apache, the Irish, the Protestant, the Catholic, the gay, the straight, you, me; we all just want validation. We want safety and we want to live a long life. We want to find somebody to love..somebody to laugh with and cry with.. (OW)

30/11/2006 - 30th Nov

In order to see the rainbow, you must first endure some rain..

11/6/2006 - Solemn Enemy

4/6/2006 - 030606

Shouted, screamed and cried alot. That's happened usually when a relationship ends. Cried alone in your bedroom, when at the end - you reached sort of calm where it felt like you could actually move on a bit more..

4/6/2006 - J Modi

Do you know what is real love?

Have you ever love so deeply that you would condemn yourself in eternity hell?

4/6/2006 - Intueri

Things happened.

And you never see it coming.

You think you have a thought after that.

If I know it.

Could I change things?

Would I done more?

7/5/2006 - Forgiveness

7/5/2006 - Chiron

Chiron was a wise and compassionate tutor whose students included Hercules, Achilles and Jason. One day, Chiron was accidentally scratched by one of Hercules' poison arrows. The pain was so intense that he wanted to die. But Chiron was immortal. Unable to die, he was forced to cope with the agony. In the process, he became expert in the arts of healing (which he passed on to Aclepius, the son of Apollo. Under Chiron's direction, Asclepius became such a brilliant physician that he once brought a corpse back to life, as a result of which Zeus struch him dead with a thunderbolt. But that's a story for another day..) Despite all his knowledge and technique, Chiron's pain never went away. But he did, at last, find a solution. After negotiating Zeus, he bequeathed his immortality to Prometheus (who gave fire to mankind and was grieviously punished for it). So Promotheus joined the society of the gods and Chiron, much relieved, was allowed to travel into the underworld, release his bodily pain, and take up residence in Hades. He is immortalized in the constellation of Centaurus.

Astrologers are captivated by this compelling tale, which exists in many versions. In the years following its discovery, few practitioners were brave enough to insert Chiron into birth charts. That has changed. Today, Chiron is often evoked-yet little understood. Usually referred to as the Wounded Healer, astrologers typically see it as a point of pain-an area where you have suffered or been dissapointed, where the deck has been stacked against you, and where you must find healing and resolution.

Notes. Chiron, a celestial body that orbits the Sun between Saturn and Uranus. Perhaps an asteroid, a comet or a maverick moon on Neptune, it represents the wounded healer and is associated with suffering and healing. It was discoverd in 1977.

7/5/2006 - Cahaya

HIDUP itu selalu tak selalu seperti yang kita maui. Sering melenceng. Program sudah dirancang matang, misalnya tahu-tahu berubah total. Alam berkehendak lain. Jika sudah begitu, tak perlu menyalahkan orang lain. Apalagi sampai menyumpahi segala. Orang bijak sering memberi petuah, "Diam lebih bijaksana."

Sebab di dalam diam itu ada perlawanan diri. Diam itu mengendalikan rangsangan, dan setelah itu jadi kekuatan. Kita digiring menjadi lebih hati-hati, tanggap dan makin liat berjuang. Pepatah Hindu mengatakan, "Semakin kita mengejar kebahagiaan, justru ketidakbahagiaan yang kita temukan." Maka, ikutilah ke mana air mengalir.

Memang, di era kompetisi ini, tiap orang berubah jadi super sibuk. Buntutnya bisa saling sikut atau depak. Juga berbantahan tentang kebenaran. Kita bisa tidak peduli pada tangis atau tawa orang lain., sepanjang yang kita pikir menyampaikan kebenaran, walau sesungguhnya adalah fakta. Fakta itu sesuatu yang bisa diungkapkan dengan kata-kata, kebenaran tidak.

Kebenaran tidak dapat diucapkan dengan kata-kata. Ribuan kata terasa kurang untuk mengekspresikan dan meyakinkan apa itu "benar". Itu pula, antara lain, yang membuat seorang pedagang barang antik di Pondok Indah meyakini, "Tidak ada kebenaran yang absolut". Beberapa waktu lalu, dia mengaku diundang Presiden Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono di Istana Negara. "Datang lebih awal, ya, supaya tidak terlalu ramai," ujar kenalan dia yang bertugas di Istana. Undangan itu disampaikan secara lisan.

Benar saja. Dia datang pakai jas, tanpa dasi. Maklum, beberapa kali dasi itu dipasang, selalu gagal. Maka agar tak terlambat, dasi itu langsung disambar. Menjelang pintu pemeriksaan, barulah dia minta tolong seseorang yang diyakini sebagai pejabat karena ada emblem di dada. Ia percaya pada nalurinya, guru pembimbing paling setia.

"Pak, saya minta tolong dipasangkan dasi," kata dia. Yang dimintai tolong bingung. Memandang penuh selidik. "Bawa undangan?" tanyanya. Tidak. Faktanya dia tak punya undangan. Maka, disebutlah nama si pengundang. "Kalau Bapak tak percaya, nanti setelah di dalam, ikuti saya. Tapi ikatkan dasi saya dulu," katanya.

Sang birokrat merasa didikte dan diperintah, ada semacam perlawanan diam-diam. Itu tercermin dari mimiknya. "Lho, Bapak ini orang pilihan. Orang yang terpilih membantu saya memasangkan dasi. Bapak justru yang mendapat pahala dari Tuhan," katanya. Si pejabat terpaku. Ucapan itu menggambarkan kesempitan dan kekerdilan lawan bicara. Tapi mungkin juga kata-kata itu benar. Hanya saja, caranya yang tak umum.

Walau tak pernah mempelajari fisiognomi (ilmu membaca sifat manusia melalui raut muka), mata batin si pedagang tak bisa dibohongi. Ia mampu membaca situasi. Selama ini, seseorang sering berada dalam situasi sulit lantaran ketidakmampuan membaca situasi. Buntutnya, soala kecil jadi besar dan melebar. Solusinya tak ketemu.

Begitulah. Akhirnya, semua berjalan lancar. Dia bisa melenggang ke Istana Negara, ketemu, dan diberi lambaian tangan oleh SBY. Jadi, pikiran itu tak perlu dibuat kusut, dan jangan takut menghadapi hidup.

Hidup memang dihiasi ribuan masalah, dan jangan harap bisa tuntas terselesaikan semua. Pasti ada pernak-pernik yang tersisa. Namun, patut dicatat bahwa hidup adalah refleksi atau "pantulan" hidup itu sendiri. Ia bukan kebetulan, melainkan "gema" dari diri kita sendiri.

Pernah mendengar kisah anak yang berjalan di tebing atau lembah? Dulu, kita pun mengalami. Kala bocah itu menjerit, maka jeritan senada selalu mengikutinya. Anak itu heran. Rasa penasarannya timbul. "Hai, siapa kau?" teriak dia lagi. Lagi-lagi di kejauhan menyahut:"Hai, siapa kau?" Bocah itu mulai geram, dan timbul niatnya untuk mengejek:"Kau pengecut!" Suara di seberang menjawab sama: "Kau pengecut!"

Berhubung tidak menemukan jawaban dalam diri dia, bocah itu menengok ayahnya dan bertanya:"Ayah, sebenarnya apa yang terjadi?" Dengan bijak, orang tua itu mengatakan bahwa orang-orang menyebut pantulan suara itu sebagai gema. Lalu orang tua itu melanjutkan bahwa sesungguhnya ada makna lain dari "gema" dalam kehidupan kita. "Ia akan mengembalikan padamu apa saja yang kau lakukan dan katakan. Hidup kita ini hanya refleksi dari tindakan kita," ujarnya.Bila kita ingin mendapatkan lebih banyak ketulusan dan kasih sayang di dunia ini, maka berikanlah ketulusan dan kasih sayang dari hatimu. Bila kita ingin mendapatkan kebaikandari orang lain, maka berikanlah kebaikan dari dirimu. Itu berlaku pada semua aspek kehidupan. "Hidup akan memberikan apa yang telah kamu berikan kepadanya," katanya.

Tentunya, semua itu butuh kesadaran. Kesadaran adalah kecerdasan murni. Sufi Pakistan, Inayat Khan, menulis, "Kesadaran adalah kecerdasan. Kecerdasan adalah jiwa; jiwa adalah ruh; dan ruh adalah Allah. Karena itu, kesadaran adalah unsur Ilahi; kesadaran adalah sisi Allah di dalam diri kita. Melalui kesadaran, kita menjadi kecil atau besar; melalui kesadaran kita jatuh atau bangun, melalui kesadaran kita menyempit atau meluas."

Tapi kecerdasan dan kearifan adalah dua hal berbeda. Tidak semua pengetahuan dari buku dan dari pengalaman, yang tersimpan di otak, adalah kearifan. Cahaya pengetahuan dari luar dan "cahaya" dari dalam diri, itulah yang membentuk kearifan. Dan, kearifan inilah yang menuntun manusia dalam jalur kehidupan sempurna.

Jadi, buat apa berkeluh kesah. Ada masanya terlambat, tersesat, atau melenceng dari rencana. Ada pula waktunya untuk tinggal, atau pergi! (excerpted Gatra ed.04/06 by W.Yarmanto)

28/4/2006 - Cognitive Dissonance

13/3/2006 - Semblance

I feel constantly behind. Truth to be told, I feel like I'm in perpetual catch-up mode, I've worked as thoroughly as I can and I still feel behind! The academic life and work's ritual, could I get some semblance of these?

13/3/2006 - Van Gogh

If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced..

12/3/2006 - Adoptions

Few things to catch up this week, please visit http://www.urlove.org to help advertise Adoption Agencies within Korea.

12/3/2006 - Descent Wish

Here's wishing e-one the top o' life without a single tumble.
Here's wishing e-one the smiles o' life and not a single grumble.
Here's wishing e-one the best o' life and not a claw about it.

Here's wishing e-one the joy in life and not a day without it.

10/3/2006 - Quid Pro Quo

The hardest thing in relationship is 'loving someone' and 'the courage to let them loving you back..'

18/11/2005 - Truth & Lies

Life has been a little dreary lately, when I find myself under the shade as a totally different person from what I used to be..There are so many truths and lies within. Simply like a risky rope dancing, the truth can turn into lies and vice versa. But who cares about the truth anyway and what is good and bad? As perhaps my life might be ones that filled with false images and hypocrisy where the truth is hidden. I am sober enough that such a life makes me even difficult to live, full of hardships like walking at midnight without a light, full of illusions.. But again who cares? Only love and forgiveness could touch me up and make my life brilliant...

6/11/2005 - Silence

In quiet moments sitting alone at the sea-side, facing up with that faraway look in my eyes again, in the suspended peace of other islands, I can pause to look back with objectivity and forward with HEAD and HOPE. In distance I can see patterns, themes, and questions my life has posed me, and sometimes, in a faraway place, the answers come..

28/10/2005 - If

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you. But make allowance for their doubting too.

If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

or watch the things you gave your life to broken, and stoop and build them up with worn out tools.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

and lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss.

You'll be a Man!

25/10/2005 - Q-life Crisis

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get hot and scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to you are not exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insecure, but that they are as confused as you are. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself, what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you cry and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. The stupid ones plateu, the smart ones rise. You get your heartbroken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You wonder what in the hell is wrong with you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn from them. We will piss one another off, and laugh at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a group that talks behind the backs of the same people we call to meet up with on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that we were just being insecure like they have been. What you maynot realize is that everyone reading this relates to it and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. We are friends, and in 10 years we will be friends who have figured out where we fit in this world.

If people expect sincerety from others, they should be sincere, otherwise do not expect anything at all. Having heart to heart conversations is being real. Wish you and myself all the best of luck. Put unhappiness aside and go with the flow...

20/10/2005 - Fidee

I was once walked blindly in the light and keep continue become victim of my past. But now I've got to put my whole package and walk the walk. I've got to become whoever and whatever it is I am aspire to be, even to walk in the dark - I'll choose to walk with open-eyed. No more shedding tears for oppressed people..