Concerning Being and the Exquisite Necessity of Suffering

Concerning Being and the Exquisite Necessity of Suffering 

 I

There are many reasons to believe in God and maybe as many not to. But it seems that most people choose to believe in the existence of God despite the sounds arguments to the contrary. Some people believe in God and it has nothing to with reason and logic, but rather they are driven to believe in God. It is not that they cannot face life and death in a Godless universe, but they cannot face themselves in the mirror any longer.

II

In the end all the brilliant arguments for and against by people like Thomas Aquinas and Anthony Flew are not what determine the decision as to whether some people begin to pray and hope, it the coldness and length of a solitary night and the vast unknown of a dark future alone.

III

Some people call this type of coming to believe as cowardly. The inability to face life on life´s terms. This may well be true, and if it is so what. In the end cowards and heroes wind up in the same forgotten place.

IV

Life forces upon us decisions we would rather not have to make, and we experience events and moments we would avoid had we any choice. Life is rather chaotic and jumbled for many people and maybe for most or all. Some people are able by some method to impress upon the chaos some illusionary pattern of order that gives their lives direction and a kind of balance. It is not relevant that the pattern branded onto the zigzag of daily life is an illusion or not. In fact it may well not be an illusion. Who am I to say yes or no to these grand things. I do know that I was driven in one dark night to believe in the existence of God and I have tried to find some solace or comfort in that tenuous belief ever since that night. If my faith is irrational I do not care as I have tried to be the rational angry atheist and failed. I lost all my faith in atheism. If I believe in God because I am a coward then I am a coward and I am not ashamed.

V

As one gets older his arrogance wanes. It is easy to laugh at death when one is twenty or even thirty. It is easy to be flippant with God and hope. But as times continues forward one's Being is worn away as if by erosion. Not only the flesh, but the soul and mind as well. It is not easy to laugh at death when the shadows he casts over you grows shorter and shorter. You begin to learn a little respect.

7:52 PM - 11/15/2005 - post comment